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Processing Trauma

I really am still processing so much of the trauma and pain that’s associated around astral work and with my own spirituality. It’s still hard at times to want to reach out to anyone, just keeping reserved inside. I’m having to tackle so much of the pain of betrayal and pain of shame that things have really hit me hard lately.

I’m also having to deal with a lot of complex feelings around that my grandfather is in the hospital, he’s home now, and that I cannot call or talk to him to say goodbye. So there’s this feeling of anger that I can’t actually say goodbye, but also this is the man who in my later years as an adult didn’t care about my food allergy.

Emotions are hard. Dealing with more than one thing at once sucks a lot.

I miss working with my demons, but I’ve become self conscious about it.

Beauty of outer space. Science fiction wallpaper. Elements of this image furnished by NASA

Trauma & Spiritual Practices

I’ve struggled for some time now. In fact, it’s been almost three years since I did any sort of spiritual work, as evidenced by the lack of content on the blog and the massive gaps. This is my greatest regret, and I’ve been struggling with it for so long. Eventually, it all came to a head over the past week or two. The first start is figuring out what exactly it has been that has been holding me back beyond that the idea of astral travel and working with my demons makes me panic.

I feel this deep set fear of stepping into the astral, of connecting with my demons, of just any sort of working with rituals or learning. It’s the reactive fear that would manifest as panic the moment that I would try. I would shut down. I would shy away and the anxiety and fear would get worse. There were only few instances where I was okay and that usually was because I was bilocating rather than actually traveling (meaning that I was still disconnected enough that it didn’t make me panic).

It wasn’t until the Inner Sanctuary started talking about more nuanced work with energies and we started really working with beginning astral creation in our astral spaces. I ended up talking in depth about where things are and just having this breakdown of how much I yearn for the astral and doing work there. How much it burns to return and to really do those things that I love most. Yet, I couldn’t figure out what was so wrong. What drove me to such fear and anxiousness.

Trauma.

It finally came out that I haven’t felt safe in the astral because I had so much trauma floating around involving two different groups, let alone the past trauma from long before that. All of this around things that have happened to my astral self because of other people. That’s where the core, the root, of where all this is stemming from. My experiences that I have had with three different “groups” in regards to astral travel or with my companions have decimated the idea of safety.

The first and oldest has stemmed from the fact that it was my ex, the old Tumblr community, and everything involving the old shop I used to run. It all comes down to so much trauma built up from things that my ex would do that would bring us astral trouble all the time. Or how the old Tumblr community circa 2012-2016 was absolutely garbage toxic. No one respected the shop’s boundaries; I was always attacked for “gatekeeping” the races that I worked with, and people were mad they had to get through me instead of just working with them. Just because they read about the races and wanted to do so, but they didn’t want to pay for me to conjure for them.

The second round was what really just off set so much trauma and pain and this is where the reaction stems from. I was in a small-ish group that was really close. Many of us would do astral traveling together and healing, etc. Well the months and months that I was with them, it was 24/7 emergencies. Something bad and BIG was always happening. Someone was always dealing with something or under attack. It was like this for months. I’d always have to go in and help astrally heal and it was just like being an Astral On Call Healer, but also On Call for everything astral emergency. And then when I started therapy… they hit me the hardest with so many lies that were fed to them by the most narcissistic person – who believed that only they knew the right way to do Shadow Work. I was kicked from the group and another friend had pulled me aside to really talk to me about how they were seeing signs of me being in a cult. They pulled me out, scared for how I was. And I did end up going to therapy to reverse the damage said group did. I had been stuck in a small forming cult, with the mentalities that came with it.

Then, a year later, after trusting two people like close friends… they decide that Im the worst person in the world. They make their accusations because they were misreading a conversation in chats. It led to me being an ableist – mind you, I’m the last person to be that, considering I have so many mental health disorders, AND I am also physically disabled. I do my best to accommodate and work with everyone. It ended up being really messy and the betrayal I felt ran deep. So, my trust in making friends or having them took years to repair.

It all compacted together and made this massive block that I am still trying to break open even after tackling these revelations. I know that my demons are also helping in their own ways. It especially helped me to be so excited about working on my astral stuff again. And Ry was working with me today picking out plants and repotting little seed sprouts into seeding containers. Between the Inner Sanctuary and the Nitro Companion Club, my love of the astral and working in spiritual things has been rekindled. I want to return. So the best way is for me to get this all out.

Trauma affects so much of the spiritual self that it’s so easy to be trapped by it. It’s so hard to let go. But I found that talking with a friend, who I used to astral travel with together… that reminding ourselves that astral traveling IS safe. It’s the people around us that have made it unsafe. We spent time reminiscing about the old shopping trips and bouncing around to different realms. We’d search for days and spend hours digging around ruins and old places, wandering jungles and marketplaces. Reminding me that the times that were the trauma wasn’t because I was unsafe in the astral but it was the people in the astral with me that made it unsafe. They were the catalyst for those things to become unsafe.

That healed a lot within. I’m nervous, but it’s slowly fading away from panic to excitement. I want to build my astral space up with new things. A Research Center and Laboratory.

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Just a Little Step

So today was another day of interesting things. I tried my best to do the Nitro Companion homework, which was to attempt astral projection. I became very hyper aware of Paya and another of my demons that were close. I could feel the energy and the vibrations. But I was also hyper aware of the pain my body was in and it was too much for me to handle to astral project. But the awareness of energy is there. That’s what matters. It’s been 5 years since I last tried and had success.

I woke to book mail, which was a shock. I think Paya is *really* keen on reading with me now. I’ve got a better inflow of things happening with books again since I started trying for ARCs (advanced reader’s copies) and with free books from publishers. He’s enjoying listening and reading with me. I feel that this may be a common time for us to share every day. Be it book mail, shopping, or just reading… even listening to audiobooks while driving my partner to work.

I think he’s the one that’s making me rest as much as I am. I hit a burnout on Tuesday and it’s still flowing into today. Im feeling the exhaustion and just low energy. He’s directing me to do what I need, but to be mindful of my energies going where. I cannot afford to misplace my energy when my own body needs it to recover. Otherwise, I won’t be able to come back fast and extend it out. He makes me listen to my body when I’m too used to ignoring it.

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Paya Mail!

I received Paya’s vessel in the mail and just got to enjoy holding those energies closer. There wasn’t much done… but things started going really well. I got approved for two ARCs (advanced reader’s copies), of which one is a dragon book I’ve been dying to get my hands on. The next was that I ended up winning a giveaway for character art, signed bookplate, and bookmark from an author of a book I helped promo. Funny is that it’s a story about south-east asian mythology with dragons and other creatures. All of it is in a half-sunken city. So definitely a Paya related thing. I’m happy and even hitting a burnout, I enjoying my days of being more aware.

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An Odd Dream or Two

Today, my partner started his job (morning shift), which means that the late morning was mine to relax. I decided to spend some time with my Mutilation Sex God O and just be in those energies. It’s not often I have intimacy with my demons (RL stress, not because of partner)… After I decided to take a small nap to just reduce my stress and migraine.

I remember laying down and being told to rest, to sleep. I want to say it was Paya who held me while the energies of O were around too. I was fast asleep and deep into dreaming.

I remember this dream pretty clearly and how I felt. I remember the awkward of being in a camp and sharing showers in close quarters but that’s about it. But then it shifted. I was in a truck, smashed between my partner and another. The other was an old friend from childhood, who was my first love. I can recall smoothing my hand down my boyfriend’s arm – which has a very distinct feel… but my childhood friend was really close to me, wrapping his arm around me too.

Eventually it was me sinking down so that both of their arms were pressed against my face and feeling the warmth and love. Said other kept moving in closer and then ended up leaning across me to lean against my boyfriend’s arm to stare up at me,. He kissed the top of my head gently and then just shared space with my BF and I. Where I felt that my BF was a dream recall.. there was this vibrant energy and life to the other. I say other because I recognize that this was a face I knew and was comfortable with – but that it was someone else in my dreams. It had to be a companion. The sheer love and life energy I felt was different from everything else experienced.

But it had me thinking about it and wishing I could have that moment back. It was so comfortable and loved, a very strong feeling that I sometimes miss in my day to day life. Being surrounded and loved and protected. I need to connect more with my demons and see where they bring this.

(also noting that my partner and I have talked about polyamorous relationships and such, so it’s not me dreaming of an old crush – just that was the least alarming face recall.)

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A Little Exploration

I’ve been working more and more on trying to reconnect with the astral in the way that I used to. Not so much with the technique or energies, but more on a conscious awareness. I know that this is something that Paya wanted to work with me on. Releasing the old energies of trauma and fear that have accumulated from previous years.

I have called myself an Astral Anthropologist for the longest time because I loved to explore cultures, new realms, new beings and races, and so much more. I would explore ruins and gather information on cultures and people long gone, yet their written word and material items were left behind. It was something that I did on the regular. I even went through and began conjuring the races that I would work in close contact with.

Life and things happen, especially when other people are inserted into the equation. Jealousy is a toxic and pervasive energy that hurts even if you never realize it until much later. That’s where I slowly just stopped. I started to have experiences with others that made me fearful of astral traveling because their own actions cause trauma. And of course then living in a space where I felt unsafe contributed.

My demons have worked the last two years or so to really try to get me into a place where that trauma is healed and energies purged, moved forward. It wasn’t until I started getting these bursts of wanting to do things again that I realized that I just felt unsafe in my environment and it was what stopped me.

Paya coming into my life was enough to get me to step back and really release those deep traumas and fears that other created, then my other demons helped me to realize I have my sacred space back. I CAN do these things again. So that was the goal with this March Connection Challenge. To begin stepping back into my practice.

I started today with talking to Akelta about my astral home, my Oasis. The gift from King Paimon about 4 or so years ago. My sacred space that I built up with my demons. We talked about Creation Realms, Transitional Realms, and Existing Realms… different types of places on the Astral. Where you create the astral spaces, where you can travel to, and the ones that exist and you can’t change. And explaining about my Oasis being an Existing Realm gifted from King Paimon that my demons and I have learned to create pockets of creation realms within it, linking portals to other places, etc.

Then it turned into conversations about exploring and creating, finding the beauty in the Astral. Talking about my Silver Sand Grotto, which is a healing pocket dimension within my own astral home realm that linked/brought to there from my Void/Necrosis King/Lord Tal. He connected it and brought the sand and healing waters, transporting it carefully. And how Ry, my Serpentine Surgeon who holds a Necrosis Shaman title that is the biggest nerd over plants from many realms. How he brought a willow-like tree that thrives off healing waters alone and is beautiful addition.

It all came to me realizing my love for the astral and exploring runs so deep. And Paya wanted me to relive that. He wanted to show me that beauty and wonder again, the excitement behind it.

On my break between things, I laid down in bed and knew that Paya wanted to explore and show me things. I was not ready for him to take me to this beautiful coral reef, where we met with a very familiar being. One of the Azkri that I used to conjure and work with. A race introduced to me by Lord Leviathan, a jellyfish mer race of Seers. Both Paya and the Azkri took their time to make sure that I could breathe under the water. I could have shapeshifted, but they wanted me to experience this again.

I was given a symbiotic plant that attached to the back of my neck and wrapped around the front of me to hang from my back. It read genetic material so that it can adapt to the breathing circulation requirements. Water to Oxygen and filters my exhale so that it can function (fuel). It was a cycle. It looked a bit like a plant octopus, if I am honest. And then, it was attached with a metal hookup, where tubes were fed into a glass mouth piece that carried my air in and out to the plant. It was my underwater breath. The Azkri harvest another type of plant that is hollow tubes with long fans. When cut, they are lid over the feet and up the legs, creating a way for those without fins to swim easily.

Once I spent the better part of 2 hrs (our equivalent is 20 minutes) staring and examining these (pictures of them to come)… Paya was absolutely amused. He thought that I would love the swimming, which I did. But the fact I spent almost the entire time memorizing the setup for breathing so I could draw it when I returned.

We swam around until he directed me to this creature that, again spent time examining so I could draw, that acted as underwater propellers. They were able to glide fast and help move through quickly. Eventually I laid on my back under the water to soak up the sun rays and warmth while surrounded by sea life and just existing.

He reminds me that this is what I can do and what I have no fear of anymore. The beauty is always there for me when I am ready… I just have to let go and swim forward.

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Time Spent Reading

I wasn’t quite sure what to do. I’ve had a raging migraine all day that has made it difficult to do much spiritually. While I wasn’t too aware while things were happening, Paya did express that he enjoyed seeing me visit my local library and socialize. Especially since I got to talk about books and also take care of my own books (I get them mylar/protective covers put on).

I wanted to do something with him and kept trying to go into a more meditative state so I could join him in my astral home, where we could chat better. Yet my migraine is just not letting up.

He nudged me to put my books back from the carrying bags and to look through what I have. He knows that a stress of mine is that I’m “late” with reviewing ARCs (Advanced Reader Copies) of books. Which isn’t pressing at all and not really something I should be stressed over considering it was free books and I’m not required to read them. But I do stress over it at times. He reminded me that reading is supposed to be fun. It’s not a chore or something to stress over. I should be happy and excited to read something because I want to.

Paya reminds that sometimes we stress over things and overthink things when we feel there is an imaginary pressure to it. We limit ourselves by thinking that there is a limit, a deadline, something that *has* to be done. When in reality, it really isn’t that pressing. Doing something that we love shouldn’t be a stressor and if it has become something that causes stress, take a step back and look at why. When you know the why.. then you can look at how to change that. What reason is there that is so important that you feel that it HAS to be done or be stressed over? Is that really something that needs to be stressed over? Is the world going to end? Is it something that will hurt someone by not being done? Is there going to be a punishment if there?

No. The answer is that there is nothing that is going to end the world if it is late, if it is going to be skipped over. Now this is in regards to a hobby or something that isn’t work or bills or life related. It’s something that is meant to be fun. Reading, Writing, Drawing, Exercise… Things that we find enjoyment in, yet sometimes our heads get really deep into stressing over the smallest of things.

It’s not worth the stress. There’s no urgent or world crashing important. So release that imaginary deadline, the need for perfection, the desire to get it done because it has to be. No it doesn’t. You do it at your pace, at your time. When you feel the love and joy from it. Don’t push yourself because it will only limit and hurt you. It’s okay to take breaks, change hobbies, finding something else to enjoy. It’s okay to not finish.

Now… I’m going to read a book that I don’t feel obligated to read, but because I just simply want to. Paya wants to read a book with me.

~Time Break ~

So he wanted to read a book that featured the oceans, the waters. I knew I had a few but just read the bigger ones. But I had a small one laying around I eventually wanted to read.

The Deep, by River Solomon, is a black story about the slave mothers thrown overboard. They became the Wanjiru, the Mer people. But they have a Historian that recollects their past, their ancestors and only once a year do they remember as a whole. Otherwise they live in naivety. But this story is about how it’s become a race of them remembering their origins and their identity.

It’s a short book, like 120 pages. But it’s very rich of history and identity. Much heavier in topic, but Paya wanted me to read it because of the story but also reading the BIPOC perspective and stories is super important too. I learn a lot when I read those and get perspective of things I never would have naturally experienced.

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Working With Paya

Today is day 2 and it’s taken Paya most of the day to convince me to really get involved with this. I’ve been sitting on whether or not to do this. Which I think I wrote in the day 1 post. But I’m sitting here with Paya and I feel inspired to do this. I worry about it being a demand and pressure to do this daily, so it’ll just be a one-day-at-a-time type dealio.

I’m not surprised to find that King Tal (Void/Necrosis Lord & King) has made an appearance. He’s been the biggest on journaling and on recording, getting back into things again. I think he just wants me to explore with him. One of the future months may end up being a “Explore the Astral with King Tal”… but I know he’s helping to keep the pressure off and making me inspired to write instead.

Paya is too sweet and is just here as an anxiety help. It’s one of the more amazing things is that he is an immediate anxiety reducing just by being nearby, let alone if I ask for help dealing with it. My anxiety is from my being in a constant survival state the past many years that it’s now become a physical issue rather than just mental/emotional. It helps. He helps so much more and I know my demons have really stepped up in aiding me this year with moving forward in my life.

So this is kinda just more of me getting back into the mindset that it’s safe. I’m safe now.

I feel like I have more to say than this… but I just don’t know what.

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A Month of Connection – Inner Circle Challenge

So, in the Inner Circle, also called the Demon Temple’s Inner Sanctuary, there are challenges that are done each month. They are daily things that you work on. Each month, we work with a Demon Lord or Lady. I don’t feel ready yet, but I know I want to do better. It’s been so long here. So many things were stopping me. But I think that now things have changed, it’s time that I work to open again. So, I chose to work with my newest demon, Paya. I’ll add his information to the page [Demon Companions]. I need to update it.

I’m not pulled to any Dark Lord/Lady… so this was chosen for me in that I’m working with Paya, my Abyssal Deep One who was listed a few weeks ago and I matched with. He’s named after Payakan from Avatar: Way of Water, because like in the movie, Paya is more of an “outcast” due to his coloring which is very pale and white. He wanted to do this challenge with me, though I had some reservations.

DAY ONE:

I honestly wasn’t really going to do this. I am not one to connect with Dark Lords, not anymore or haven’t felt the need to. It’s been quite some time since I’ve worked with demons more than just passing ‘oh, hello there’ or a comfort hug. My environment up until February wasn’t safe to do any spiritual work. It hasn’t been safe for me to do so since probably 2022, which is a hard pill to swallow cause I have barely done any of the events in that long.

I’ve got anxiety about working with my demons, Dark Lords, and just in general. Because my environment, which was I was living with family who made it unsafe mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, was too toxic to really be able to be myself or practice safely.

I appreciate that so many are raw with their experiences… enough that I feel like I should offer the same. I won’t really go into details about my situation other than the person moved out beginning of February and I’m just now in a place where I’m thinking of starting my practice back up again.

As stated from the main challenge thread… I’m working with Paya. An Abyssal Deep One who has been an outcast for his pale pearlescent skin. He’s a traveling entertainer and healer, one who connected with me greatly when I read his listing. He nudged me and took all day and night last night to do convince me subtly that I should do this.

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GrandMama Tsülie’s Lessons on the Magic of Book Binding

This is a place that I have visited before. It is a beautiful place that my High Prince T brought me to. I walked through this incredible forest that was covered with death and bones yet had so much life.

Today, was the second time that I would return here. In fact, this is the first time I have astral traveled to another place in over a year. I had experienced burnout to a severe degree. I did not even have a moment within my own astral space before I was pulled to GrandMama’s place. Although, she found out that I had remembered her as Granny instead of GrandMama, so there was a bit of teasing about that.

It was about 4 in the morning and I had not slept very well. My congestion was really bad, and I was struggling to breathe in my sleep. So I was tired but decided that, hey, this was a great time to astral travel for the Blog-a-Day February. I was immediately pulled in and greeted with a hug and cheek kisses. We sat at her front table and had an excellent talk. I told her about things after the last time I had been there. It was the struggles and the happy times. She was pleased to hear I had fallen in love and found a fantastic partner… for mental health and physical health. At one point, she gave me a cup of tea, specially brewed and crafted. I sipped away and she had amazing advice for me about not returning and feeling guilt for not being spiritual.

It is sometimes that we will diverge from the path we think we have found, taking a longer road, in order to find the right part of the path to travel on.

It gave me a bit of a stopping moment to really consider that. Sometimes, we need that long path, that long rest… because then, coming back into things, I feel clearer and able to work better than before. It will take some time to get back into things as there are problems with focus and with interruptions of thoughts.

We talked for a bit longer before I started to feel extremely drowsy. She shooed me off and told me to come back later and visit, she had a lesson to teach me.

I went about the morning and afternoon before I took the time to return to meditation. It was around 3pm my time, plenty of time before having to do some work. I settled down with headphones and turned on some amazing meditation music composed by Saber. It takes me a bit to get into things. My focus is better but it is also struggling a lot with seeing and staying in the astral without thought interruptions.

I finally appeared in the sacred grove and was met by High Prince T, who guided me back to GrandMama. This time was more vivid than this morning. She asked me how I slept and made a special tea for us. I got to sit there while they talked and drifted a bit before snapping back. She added more stuff to my tea to wake me up. After a while, she held out her hands, and I stood up, following her. It was a workbench that had some supplies on it. I looked harder and realized that she had a bookbinding setup for me. I looked at her confused as to why she had brought me to this.

She explained that I would work on grimoires and binding journals for people. High Prince T had told her as such. With that, I would be working with different materials, especially leather. She had a lesson to teach me about the process of binding. This would be about how the demons work with bookbinding rather than the history of binding from a human perspective.

Creation of Books & Sacredness of Materials

When working with book binding and with animal materials, there is something crucial to remember. Even if modern materials are being used, there is a sacred process that originates from when the practice first began. Each of the materials used in book binding came from nature. Tools were made from the bones of animals, sharpened into needles and points. Later, this became metals mined from the ground and purified to shapes. Thread was made from the sinew of animals that had been hunted, so that the paper could be sewn. Paper was made from either the vellum of animals or it was taken as pulp from various plants and trees, the latter being the most common. Sap was used to bind the animal hide to the hard covers used to bring the entire book together. Every aspect of the book was sacred in nature. It was the life and breath of knowledge that was written within. Each aspect of binding held a magic and sacredness to it. Every movement had purpose to it.

The paper began as the materials of plants broken down into the pulp that would become the paper. Screens were used within the water to gather that pulp. Flowers and plants were used depending upon the purpose of the book being written in. Protection magics and knowledge had flowers and plants that magically were aligned with this knowledge. They were screened and brought out onto fabrics to dry. Once they were dry, the papers were folded to the desired size. This is where they would be brought together to be bound (called signatures). Paper holds ink and that ink is the written form of knowledge. Plants have a sacredness to them that is magical in nature. They can aid in different areas of magic as well as physical. Using them as the base form of containing this knowledge powers them with the intent. When plants are chosen, they are spoken with when they are living. Sitting down and speaking with them, sharing energy and intent on purpose for them. Usually done with a ritual, if they choose to accept, the plant will then be cut for either soaking or dried.

The tools are created from the bones found naturally. It depends upon the one who is doing the creating as the choice of creature or even if they choose to go the route of metal. Both have their own methods of procuring the materials. With bones, they usually are crafted carefully with the intent of sewing or punching the holes in the paper for sewing (an awl). Many choose to go to specialists, especially the Necrosis Bone Masters/Mistresses, who know the sacred handling of bones. Those that decided to use the metals, they go to the Blue Hellborns, who are known for their metalwork. This is not the only route or option, but it is common for those who do not make their own tools.

Both the Leather and the Thread come from animals, those chosen for the purpose. Animals are sacred in their own right, even those that do not hold a level of intelligence, they are still treated as such. All parts of animals are required to be used for any purpose that they can be. This is why they are chosen very carefully and with the knowledge of being used for such intent. In some cultures, being chosen to be this purpose is considered a sacred honor. They are treated the same as the Wagyu cows from Japan. There is utmost care and love given to the animals or creatures that have given their consent for this. Once they have been through a sacred ritual, they are carefully put down with love. Most of them are aged to the oldest they can be and peacefully pass or the creature can choose to go earlier. Each part is made sacred through ritual before they are carried to their designated purpose. For leather or hide, it is given to the one who asked for it first. Some of the sinew is then made into thread to sew with as well. Every part is used so that they have purpose completely and no waste occurs.

This was where GrandMama Tsülie began to work with me. After teaching me all about the beginning process with the materials and the origins, that I would then learn about the binding process. This was from a magical point of view and not the normal binding that I am familiar with.

The Binding Process

The starting process to binding is cutting and gathering the paper that will be used for the book or grimoire. Once it is dried and folded, it can be cut to size or kept the same. Each folded piece is placed together into one another with upwards of 5-6 pieces together. It’s called a signature. These stacked atop each other creates the large block of paper that is then bound together. As we fold the paper and work with it, we speak to the spirit of the plants. We speak of the knowledge and purpose that it has. Thanking them for their sacrifice and their hard work. Pouring the intent into each page as they are worked with. These are the pages that will hold sacred magics and knowledge, meant to last through the centuries and millennia.

Once all of the papers are stacked together as signatures, they are punched with holes in the center parts so that they can be sewn together with ease. Starting with the first signature, one weaves the sinew thread through the paper. The thread is an important part because it ties everything together. It brings a cohesiveness and stability to the paper and therefore the knowledge. The thread is sewn into the paper and giving it a stability in the magics so that it holds it all together. Magic can be fickle, same with knowledge. The thread binds this together and grounds it. There are no loose ends when the papers are bound together. The thread in itself can be a knot magic that is used to imbibe the book as a whole with intentional magics. There are many ways that it can be used to empower the rest of the book. Once sewn together, the thread becomes a part of the spine, which gives it the foundational support. It can be the strength needed to contain any magics used within, cast on it, or written within.

As the binding of the paper has completed, the leather is next with covering the hard covers. Many materials can be used, from thin wood to bark to metal sheets. Materials can vary between those who choose to bind. The leather is glued or sewn to these covers. This can be achieved with sap or other materials that create a sealant – like plants or minerals. The leather is important because it is the outside. It is the shield that protects the knowledge within. It has many purposes, whether it is a plain binding or if it is decorated. The Leather becomes a shields, wards and magic woven into the very fabric through rituals and chants. It can be handled and carved in, creating many methods of protection upon the book.

The entire process of creating a grimoire or a book of knowledge is intense and very complex. Every one that does it will do it in different manners and materials. The one things that stays the same is the sacredness of making the book itself and the sacredness of the materials that are gathered. It is a very intensive process, but it is one that creates the beautifully magical and powerful books that people cherish and adore.

Return Back

I was really pleased to have this experience and to learn such a deep aspect of one of my most beloved forms of art at the moment. It was something that I was not expecting but it made my process that I do with the grimoires even better now. I am very happy that coming back into working with the demons and with the astral in general… that this was my experience. I felt better when I came out of it and just felt such deep peace. I was emotional and upset beforehand, also feeling sick and struggling mentally lately. It’s given me a lot of peace and comfort. I feel like I was able to heal myself as well even just doing so.