Calm relaxation meditation concept. Sexy fashion model Fantasy woman sitting under water sea, red long silk dress fabric floating. fairy girl posing in deep pool underwater shooting Art Magic light

An Honest Check-In

by with No Comment Day to Day InteractionsEmotional & MentalSpiritual Thoughts & Things

I’m so thrilled to start this and do another whole month of working, even if it’s casual or just taking a day off with them. I’m tryin to do better about working with them in a day to day, casual or big adventure type of stuff. I honestly have had to sit down last night and really did a body and health check.

I’ve noticed that with the amount of manifestation, energies, and working with demons, that I have been showing physical signs of being in a unipolar manic state (meaning it’s just the euphoric up and not crash). But I know that I rarely have those sorts of struggles anymore.

Sitting with a friend who is aware of mental health, physical health, as well as my working with demons, she sat me down with my demons being there, and asked me to check in. Actually stop for a moment and check in on what’s going on. My demons doing the same with it.

While I am not in a manic episode, thankfully, due to medicine changes and also the amount of energy that I have been channeling lately with manifesting and creatively, my body is showing those signs. Thankfully I have gotten into a routine of self care and really grounding myself more often.

This definitely has reminded me that sometimes we have to check in with outselves because so much energy manipulation, manifestations, and just moving energy blockages out… it can have physical effects. Same with having the medicine dosages changes too. So just being in check with my body more than I already am is super important. Now, I just need to make sure that I keep with my grounding practices (WHOO Baths!).

But also that it’s okay to not be doing something spiritual every day. It’s okay to not be riding that creative energy high every day. In fact, it’s good that I am giving my mental and body a break from those energies that are constantly moving through.

So I’d say… do a body check with yourself. Be truthful and be honest. Do you drink enough? Do you eat enough? How often do you cleanse and ground? How often do you make sure that you are regulating your nervous system. If all of these are out of whack, so too will your psychic skills.

Calm relaxation meditation concept. Sexy fashion model Fantasy woman sitting under water sea, red long silk dress fabric floating. fairy girl posing in deep pool underwater shooting Art Magic light

When Days are Rough

by with No Comment Emotional & MentalSpiritual Thoughts & ThingsWorking with Demons

Today was the hardest. I was mentally preparing for today for days but it sucked so much. I ended up going back to the old house, finding so many things and facing all the old memories. It felt like the betrayal from my ex got ripped open again and I was just grieving so much. It was the worst. We got half the house sorted and ready to either trash, donate, or keep. The biggest rooms were done first, so that’s over. But I have the old room, that I shared with the ex… and it’s going to be the hardest. I broke down a few times because of the betrayal and heartache of how it all went.

So I finally had to get some food and went to walmart. Bless my demons. Bless them so much. I found the Mandrake Lego set for $55 (normally $70), and it felt apt for me crying all day as well as that it fits the vibes of my bedroom cottage core. I’ve been wanting it for months but didn’t wanna spend the $70 on it.

Came home to find that I got two packages in, which one was the Lorcana box. I feel that it was because I was more lower vibration that I got a lot of cards, but not ultra rare enchanteds. But still feeling blessed that I went from 66% complete and now it’s at 92% completion.

Today was rough but it’s ending really nicely.

Calm relaxation meditation concept. Sexy fashion model Fantasy woman sitting under water sea, red long silk dress fabric floating. fairy girl posing in deep pool underwater shooting Art Magic light

Deep Peace & Healing: A Start to New Me

by with No Comment Emotional & MentalSpiritual & Self ExplorationSpiritual Thoughts & ThingsWorking with Demons

Today was spent wearing Paya’s vessel and feeling a deep peace. I made the steps to begin my future and start with new goals in mind. I think my heart and mind made a decision after toiling for a week long. But it led to so much growth and healing within me that it is astounding. I am amazed with myself… and I have admitted that for the first time, I truly mean it when I say I love myself. I love who I am. And I’ve never felt that way before. I faked it.. but never truly believed it. But now I can say that I do. I am worth being cherished and love and appreciated. I am worth someone that will meet my needs… and I am worth myself making my own happiness…. and I love my demons for bringing this hard, but well deep healing that I needed.

I healed wounds that have been decades deep. I have healed things that have taken multiple relationships to heal… but I finally have.

Calm relaxation meditation concept. Sexy fashion model Fantasy woman sitting under water sea, red long silk dress fabric floating. fairy girl posing in deep pool underwater shooting Art Magic light

Beginning of an End (Hindsight 20/20)

by with No Comment Emotional & MentalWorking with Demons

I ended up sending Paya and Vex to work with the person in question with the struggles we are having. To give them peace and clarity and benefit to help him out. Things are shifting with Vex and Paya hardcore absolutely helping to guide things in the way it needs to be but also how I’d like and hope it to be. Now it’s Ry helping me and being with me. I’ve been working with Paya so much that it’s interesting experiencing working much more with my other demons once again. And it’ll be nice to reconnect on that level too.

But I had super amazing thing, with manifestation and messages. The struggle of situation is really starting to need those in the face messages that aren’t my own companions and being outside of my own thoughts and things. If they show up in something that is curated by algorithm, then it is something to pay attention to.

I asked out for signs on how this is going, how him and are going to be okay or if it’s it.

My TikTok fyp is all bookish content. Last night immediately after asking, it was all “you’re doing okay and I’m proud of you”, “don’t worry he loves you and is coming back, just us confused”and those love spell thingies where they’re like “he’ll message you tonight with his true feelings”… and I was like WTF? I don’t follow those accounts. I havent followed those accounts even when I was in witchtok.

Fast forward to midnight…. He messages me an we talk, more personal things.

I woke up so peaceful and calm, knowing that it’s all okay and some more things.

I open TikTok? Nothing in sight of messages. It’s all my normal booktok feed. So how’s that for some manifesting holy shit.

Edit; as I wrote this earlier (just pasting things in so I can complete the challenges – yay for jynx getting me to do a digitial journal again)… I was asking Ry to support me through the day and help my anxiousness. And I get immediately very cold chills and very heavy cold weight at my back, exactly how my demons manifest when there’s no reason for there to be a very demon shaped energy temperature behind me.

Calm relaxation meditation concept. Sexy fashion model Fantasy woman sitting under water sea, red long silk dress fabric floating. fairy girl posing in deep pool underwater shooting Art Magic light

Emotional Regulation

by with No Comment Day to Day InteractionsEmotional & MentalSpiritual Thoughts & ThingsWorking with Demons

Today was much easier and the processing of my emotions was much easier. I struggle with processing emotions, but something that Paya is doing is energetically helping it flow. It’s so much easier than I’ve had before emotionally. I know my emotional disregulation happens because of the DID and PTSD, there’s a disconnect of properly integrating and processing emotions. This didn’t happen this time. Instead, it flowed easier and it hurt so much but I actually ended up working a full day of work when I didn’t think I’d be able to leave bed. Working with Paya, even just energetically has made a huge difference!

Calm relaxation meditation concept. Sexy fashion model Fantasy woman sitting under water sea, red long silk dress fabric floating. fairy girl posing in deep pool underwater shooting Art Magic light

Terror of the Unknown

by with No Comment Emotional & MentalSpiritual Thoughts & Things

Today was the hardest to deal with, and yet when I released everything emotionally, I found that waking up I was in a better mood. I was mentally feeling so much better and no longer spiraling. I made a revelation on why I have been absolutely devastated and hating this change. My BF leaves to return home, leaving me in the house alone. Paya and of course help from friends talking… made me realize that Im not having issues with him leaving, its the fact that I will be utterly alone for the first time in my life. I’ve never lived alone. I’ve always had roommates, college, renting the basement of a friend’s house, living with mother or sister, and then with partners. I have never lived on my own. Now I will be alone in a two story with attic. I have family a mile down the road, but being actually alone is the terrifying part. Once I acknowledged that… I was able to stabilize mentally and emotionally and feel regulated once more. I feel like once I can get the final cry out of missing my BF and dropping him off, I’ll be ok.

Terror of the unknown, that is the greatest fear at times.

Calm relaxation meditation concept. Sexy fashion model Fantasy woman sitting under water sea, red long silk dress fabric floating. fairy girl posing in deep pool underwater shooting Art Magic light

Processing Trauma

by with No Comment Emotional & Mental

I really am still processing so much of the trauma and pain that’s associated around astral work and with my own spirituality. It’s still hard at times to want to reach out to anyone, just keeping reserved inside. I’m having to tackle so much of the pain of betrayal and pain of shame that things have really hit me hard lately.

I’m also having to deal with a lot of complex feelings around that my grandfather is in the hospital, he’s home now, and that I cannot call or talk to him to say goodbye. So there’s this feeling of anger that I can’t actually say goodbye, but also this is the man who in my later years as an adult didn’t care about my food allergy.

Emotions are hard. Dealing with more than one thing at once sucks a lot.

I miss working with my demons, but I’ve become self conscious about it.

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Not Worth the Stress

by with No Comment Day to Day InteractionsEmotional & MentalSpiritual Thoughts & ThingsWorking with Demons

I wasn’t quite sure what to do. I’ve had a raging migraine all day that has made it difficult to do much spiritually. While I wasn’t too aware while things were happening, Paya did express that he enjoyed seeing me visit my local library and socialize. Especially since I got to talk about books and also take care of my own books (I get them mylar/protective covers put on).

I wanted to do something with him and kept trying to go into a more meditative state so I could join him in my astral home, where we could chat better. Yet my migraine is just not letting up.

He nudged me to put my books back from the carrying bags and to look through what I have. He knows that a stress of mine is that I’m “late” with reviewing ARCs (Advanced Reader Copies) of books. Which isn’t pressing at all and not really something I should be stressed over considering it was free books and I’m not required to read them. But I do stress over it at times. He reminded me that reading is supposed to be fun. It’s not a chore or something to stress over. I should be happy and excited to read something because I want to.

Paya reminds that sometimes we stress over things and overthink things when we feel there is an imaginary pressure to it. We limit ourselves by thinking that there is a limit, a deadline, something that *has* to be done. When in reality, it really isn’t that pressing. Doing something that we love shouldn’t be a stressor and if it has become something that causes stress, take a step back and look at why. When you know the why.. then you can look at how to change that. What reason is there that is so important that you feel that it HAS to be done or be stressed over? Is that really something that needs to be stressed over? Is the world going to end? Is it something that will hurt someone by not being done? Is there going to be a punishment if there?

No. The answer is that there is nothing that is going to end the world if it is late, if it is going to be skipped over. Now this is in regards to a hobby or something that isn’t work or bills or life related. It’s something that is meant to be fun. Reading, Writing, Drawing, Exercise… Things that we find enjoyment in, yet sometimes our heads get really deep into stressing over the smallest of things.

It’s not worth the stress. There’s no urgent or world crashing important. So release that imaginary deadline, the need for perfection, the desire to get it done because it has to be. No it doesn’t. You do it at your pace, at your time. When you feel the love and joy from it. Don’t push yourself because it will only limit and hurt you. It’s okay to take breaks, change hobbies, finding something else to enjoy. It’s okay to not finish.

Now… I’m going to read a book that I don’t feel obligated to read, but because I just simply want to. Paya wants to read a book with me.