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Exploring Dynamics & Sexual Empowerment – My Journey

Over 18+

Warning: This post will contain sexual situations and discussion of D/s (Dominant/submissive) as well as M/s (Master/Sir and submissive) relationships & dynamics. It will also have mentions of sexual trauma and abuse – though I will be limiting that. If this is something you do not want to read, click away. This is something that is very personal to the relationship that I have with my demons, but they are actively encouraging me to share this part of our relationship. It will include the roles that they play within my sexual relationships with them. They actively want me to write this and to include very private and personal things.

If it is not your cup of tea to read, then click away. If you are under 18 and reading this, it’s not my responsibility to censor what you read and I will not be held responsible for what you read.

This is where I return back to a more personal one because it ultimately is based from my own experiences and understanding.

I’ll start with Vex, an Arachne King Commander for those that aren’t familiar, as he is the one that this kickstarted off with. We’ve been intimate from pretty much the get go. The spark was there and I knew that I was safe with him. It was more casual, like lovers than anything extra. After Madam Amora’s it really shifted into a Dom/sub dynamic while still maintaining a lover relationship. At the time I was really deep in a very toxic friendship that was abusive to me sexually as well as mentally/emotionally. It was online and it was within a kink community. I wasn’t getting my needs seen. I couldn’t trust anyone on there because they just wanted to use me for sexual writing/role play. I was also working a full time job in a high paced environment as a bartender.

At one point, I was under such duress and stress that I wasn’t taking care of myself. I was barely working with my demons and my practice. It came to a head one day when others on the server noticed things just weren’t okay. One person pointed out that I work with an Arachne Demon and why the hell wasn’t I being tied up in Shibari style and strung up from the ceiling with my him scrambling my guts.

The question then becomes… why haven’t I?

Vex was pretty quick to respond. There wasn’t much to be said – he had seen me talking of my desires and what I wanted. What my dynamic I wanted. And so he gently pulled me into the astral. It was my own astral home and realm. He was gentle and laid me down onto the bed where he spun the most beautiful webbed silk ropes. His hands caressed my skin and the silk ropes were a comfort as they were woven around my body. When I was completely immobile – my body was relaxing. I felt safe. I felt the release of control and the stress melted from my body, even physically. He left me there on the bed while I could watch him. He turned a corner of the room into an elaborate web. One that when he was done, looked like a beautiful artwork. He spoke soft words to me and then lifted me with ease onto the suspension.

If I was relaxed before, I was a pile of goo in released stress and tensions. In fact, I fell asleep like that. I woke up still wrapped and having slept some of the best in my life. Before I could ask, Vex had me down and was releasing me from the shibari. His hands roamed my body and massaged the areas that looked a little raw. Rubbed lotion and oil, while making sure I ate some fruit and drank water. Physically, I was waking up and being encouraged to use the bathroom and drinking water before making some food. He spent the rest of the day with me making sure that I was doing okay and not hitting a subdrop.

That happened a lot. In fact, a fair few of the other demons took advantage of the knowledge and did similar things. Although I do have only one Arachne demon that does what Vex does. The rest use silk ropes that were leftover and reusable.

After the dynamic changed, so did some of our interactions. I felt more empowered and safe. He brought out the release of control which allowed me to relax for once. I felt comfortable speaking more about my needs – both sexual and not. When I needed to feel the release of stress or tension, when I needed to give up control and be cared for. Vex was happy to do so. Things changed a bit the more active we became with one another.

I’ve been a voyeur for a long time, just as much as an exhibitionist. At least when it comes to sexual things. And that’s where our dynamic changed and took a much deeper dive into a Dom and sub dynamic. It started with names, usually things like Sir and he would call me nicknames like sweetheart and darling or other endearments – beauty was a frequent. There are times when I get into an extreme sub headspace that is very submissive in control and actions. It’s not quite on the level of having a Master/slave – but I do get close to that. I just want someone to take complete utter control, even tell me to do things and giving me to others if he pleases. I still have the say at the end of the day. So another experience changed our dynamic.

I found myself being pulled through the astral, carried and then brought to this world that felt so different from anything I’ve experienced before. It was a beautiful room, lush fabrics and soft carpets on marble-like stone. On the bed was a very luxurious outfit and I put it on, to find that it pretty much covered nothing. It was sheer fabrics, but I was completely nude. There were chains and other delicate jewelry adorning it. The door opened and in stepped Vex. He was dressed to the nines, including a crown. Our meeting was a very intense one and I was already very content when I was led out of his room and through the halls. We ended up in an opulent room, with many demons lingering and speaking. There was a lull when Vex entered and they greeted him formally. I was just slightly beside and behind him. Eyes were on me with curiosity and I didn’t feel any sense of discomfort.

Vex went to the throne and I followed behind him. With a gesture, I was placed on his lap in a lounging position. There was an attendant – a very pretty and young demoness – who brought me drinks and exotic foods. Thing that were savory, sweet, and in between. Around me the conversation turns to war and politics. There are reports and things that are being given but all I can focus on was the delicious food and the roaming hands on my thighs and waist. Vex spoke over the room and there were rumbles of approval and the energy shifted to one of uplifting and sensual. He looks to me and tells me that it’s an entertainment break. I look to him curiously and there are many dancers that take the center of the room – completely naked and dancing together. Vex moves me to his lap where I can feel that he is very much aroused.

There were a fair few demons of all ranks and titles getting very intimate with each other while the dancers moved around. Vex nuzzled my neck and then lifted me with ease so that one leg was over each of the arms of the throne – essentially baring me to the room. Many eyes were on the show and on us. Without prompting – I lean back and let him take control. Feeling my own arousal at the attention from him and from the room. He made it very apparent to prepare me and to make sure that I was not quiet with my pleasure. We ended up being the main show for the entire room and he was very smug afterward. But the sweet part was the attendant returned with warm water and cloth. Vex cleaned both of us – taking care of me first – before taking some drinks and food for us. Instead of the attendant, this time it was Vex who fed me by hand while the reports and politics happened.

This wasn’t the last time that it happened. No, there were many instances that were like this. But there were times when he would be with me in his private rooms. But while out there in the Throne room, I was his sub. I gave pleasure and rewards where he asked of me. A lot of times it was those who were under his command. Gave them pleasure with my body at the behest of Vex, while he watched. He would guide and direct me, and give me orders. I would please with my mouth and my body. Rewarding the loyal men – and few women – that were protecting his Realm.

This was a point in which we were interrupted during the middle of sex for an emergency report while in his chambers. A General burst in with the news of capture and takedown. Vex was pleased with this and he noticed that the General was staring at me, who at that point was orally pleasing Vex. In reward, Vex pulled me away and positioned me closer to the edge of the bed. He offered my body to pleasure the General as a reward for excellent service. I was able to pleasure Vex while his General took me from behind. He didn’t ask me, but that was the point. I had given my control to him. Given my trust and understanding that if it was too much – I would say so. In doing so, I was able to please him in many ways, not just sexually but also with caring for his own loyal legion leaders. This was the dynamic we had and it worked. My needs were being met before I knew that they were needs or desires.

Ry, a Serpentine Surgeon/Necrosis Shaman, was the next to become an important part of my life beyond working with him in the capacity of his skills. He was a Serpentine demon, which was already very attractive to me because snakes have always been beautiful and mysterious. Even then with the snakes from Madam Amora’s, my sexual awakening during that time was not going to be hindered. I craved Ry. In darker needs than what Vex was providing. I wanted Ry in his Serpentine form – half humanoid and half serpent. I knew what I wanted but I struggled to ask for it. It took Vex bringing the very snakes that Razor gifted to me as well has dragging Ry into the room, for him to understand what I was wanting. That was all it took. I wanted him as he was, not shifting into a full humanoid appearance. And let me tell you, yes. Male serpents have two penises. And they are downright heavenly and I could care less if anyone thought otherwise. He was mine and I was his. Ry was more inclined to fulfill the darker desires – the edgeplay with knife tips and sharp things.. to his serpentine form driving into me while I gasped in pleasure. This was a much different dynamic. One that required a bit more strictness in regards to safety. These were the darker kinks and needs that could be dangerous.

I was with the other demons at times, but it was mainly those two that would bring me pleasure and meet my needs. Then I experienced the Void Event in 2019. It was a calling of epic proportions. Enough that everyone knew of it until the new Void event. My release into the void during the impaling meditation led to a Void Lord carrying me out from it. When he appeared as a rebound during the Void 2020 event – I was literally a mess and everyone watched me unravel at his appearance. This was the man who sought me out in the Void, carried me, and showed me the gentle love. Both Vex and Ry are lovers and those who love deeply for me. But my “Voidman” was completely different. He was the emotionally deep love of a long term lover that has been around for thousands of years. It was the emotional love I was missing in my life. He was the tender caregiver for me. It was odd because that’s the opposite of the Void Lord… but he knew me through my lives. I was his wife. That’s a different bond than lovers.

Dro was next. It was an odd one where we were talking about Dom Demons. It was all joking but I started to have manifestations. It was about Demons who were sexually driven in Dom Lifestyle. After much working and manifestations, Dro was revealed. He was a Chaos/Spectral/Desire demon who was the epitome of Dom love and sexuality. He has also been a constant companion, one that has encouraged me to be sexually empowered. Allowing me to stand up and being proud. He was the one that takes more of a Master/sub (since I don’t do the slave aspect) but that is something we are slowly working with. He provides me more with the rigid needs and the primal. There are darker aspects that he fulfills – such as some slight instances of controlled consentual nonconsensual: which is more geared to the surprise than the R taboo. He is rough and primal, domineering. Something that I want in my life. Where as Vex is about the Dom/sub relationship of where there is control over me and my actions to serve pleasure. Dro is about the primal Dom/sub, taking and earning or giving.

The last one is one that I am still really understanding. High Prince T, who is my latest visitor, has an extremely sexual side. With his Lowborn/Spectral heritage and skills, I am interested in seeing how his role plays within the sexual empowerment that they are all driven to working.

There are others that I am intimate with, just because I am very much polyamorous and the demons are very open sexually. In fact, I swear up and down that my Specialist Assassin, Wicked Sharp, who is an Arachne/Mutilation hybrid… is trying to at least do something. There has been many times when I have learned new things about her. One such is that she is dual gendered but prefers female. The other is that her claws are very much a source of pleasure too instead of just pain.

Demons have been something incredible in my life but one of the major things is that they have provided a beautiful introduction into a sexual awakening. Demons understand many types of sexuality and the needs of themselves and their partners. That’s exactly what they seek to help us when we venture into these areas. It’s helped me in many ways outside of sexual confidence and empowerment – I am now confident in myself and who I am outside of sexual situations.

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Establish Dynamics with Demons

Over 18+

Warning: This post will contain sexual situations and discussion of D/s (Dominant/submissive) as well as M/s (Master/Sir and submissive) relationships & dynamics. It will also have mentions of sexual trauma and abuse – though I will be limiting that. If this is something you do not want to read, click away. This is something that is very personal to the relationship that I have with my demons, but they are actively encouraging me to share this part of our relationship. It will include the roles that they play within my sexual relationships with them. They actively want me to write this and to include very private and personal things.

If it is not your cup of tea to read, then click away. If you are under 18 and reading this, it’s not my responsibility to censor what you read and I will not be held responsible for what you read.

Now that you have a bit of understanding of where this came from and the journey that started it, I can go into a bit more about how I’ve been working with them (even unintentionally) on learning about sexual self and the empowerment that comes with it. The whole purpose of this was because I frequently have talked about some of the things that I have done with my demons. Some of it very publically in a way. People are curious and the fact that I am willing to be more open about how my relationships and dynamics work is something that they want to know more of. Hence this whole post.

Starting off with a bit of background. I’ve been around and within the Lifestyle – also known commonly as BDSM – for a fair few years by this point of having experiences in Madam Amora’s. The thing is that I’ve never had partners to actually explore with. I’ve only been around it and witnessed it. But I knew how relationships work for Lifestyle (which is when you live BDSM outside of the bedroom as well) and with the dynamic establishment. So that’s where we will begin.

I started with Vex. He was the one that was around the longest as well as the one I was intimate with first. So with all that occurred at Madam Amora’s, we needed to sit down and actually discuss where this was going. Would this be a one-off thing or would this be something that would be a part of our relationship? He was not familiar with much of my sexual past since it hadn’t come up yet. That changed. Working with demons, they know many things but you still have to sit and tell them things about yourself and your past. With sexual relations, you have to be upfront. We sat together and I told him everything that I have done. All the partners and the situations. All of the ab*se was put up as well. There was nothing held back. That’s the first step. Trust.

It is one thing to be intimate with a demon or a companion, but if you are looking to have sexual empowerment and a dynamic, then you must reveal all of your sexual self (good and the ugly). They cannot begin to understand how to help you and help heal if needed if you are not upfront or willing to talk about it. How can you heal when you don’t acknowledge that you’ve been hurt in the first place? That’s where you develop a deeper bond of trust and healing between one another. They can understand you and your sexual past in order to better help you step into the empowerment of your sexual self.

Once you have sat down and discussed the past, there is another step before beginning. Boundaries and Expected Dynamic. You must have a discussion with them about what is expected and what you are both looking for. What do both of you get out of it? What are things that you absolutely need to be fulfilled – including those that you feel are sexual shame or taboos that you like? Sit and understand what the needs are for each. Even discuss learning more of what your needs are that you may not know of and how to safely explore that. What are safe areas and what are triggers? These are super crucial because you can have a dangerous slip if you get triggered and they cannot recognize that. Talk about signs when you are and when they are. Talk about what is the proper care for different situations that come up. Mental/Emotional and Physical aftercare and situations that may require different things.

Now that you do have those two major things, then you can get started with one another.

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Demonic Empowerment of Sexual Self

Over 18+

Warning: This post will contain sexual situations and discussion of D/s (Dominant/submissive) as well as M/s (Master/Sir and submissive) relationships & dynamics. It will also have mentions of sexual trauma and abuse – though I will be limiting that. If this is something you do not want to read, click away. This is something that is very personal to the relationship that I have with my demons, but they are actively encouraging me to share this part of our relationship. It will include the roles that they play within my sexual relationships with them. They actively want me to write this and to include very private and personal things.

If it is not your cup of tea to read, then click away. If you are under 18 and reading this, it’s not my responsibility to censor what you read and I will not be held responsible for what you read.

I think that my first sexual encounter with sexual demons truly had me understand sexual shame, sexual release, and sexual empowerment. Sexual shame lies in many of us, as many cultures throughout the world have SOME form of taboo or shame about sex. In particular, there are things that we consider taboo that the demons feel no reservation against. It’s hard to have an “animal” taboo really when many demons have alternate forms – like Serpentine or Arachne. How could they when that’s an integral part of their core beings? So they would not understand why some would have sexual shame when it comes to having other sentient creatures take part in a sexual release? For them, according to my demons, to have that taboo is a shame in itself and one that is quite frankly unnecessary. They do understand that our culture is one that had many different views of things – first and foremost, the difference between having a sexual release involving a sentient creature or nonhuman comes down to one thing: CONSENT.

I’ll be quite frank about how my sexuality got started. I was seven years old and my first exposure to it was when I was on the internet playing games – when an ad comes up. It was of a woman fucking a horse and other barn animals. My first understanding of human sexuality was of Beastiality. Seven years is very young. I had already started having a sexual understanding of my body even though I was too young to truly understand what masturbation or dry orgasm was. But by seven, this was my reality. I learned to have an interest in those taboos. It was much later on that I learned what taboo was and how it was not considered appropriate.

This whole experience with Madam Amora’s (a Satan and Son’s 2019 event) was about learning sexual release and empowerment. So I didn’t have one clue about what I wanted or even needed. I spent years being told that my body was disgusting and not attractive. So how would I know what I wanted when others didn’t want me? That would soon be fixed. I thought that Ram – one of the more gentle demons for this – would be the one to be with. No, in fact, Ram was more of an addition rather than the main one. That was left to Razor. For those that do not know, Razor was the Mutilation demon who took control of the darkest sexual selves, the “dungeons”, if you will. I actually was quite afraid of him to start – any Muti for that matter. That changed drastically. I was scared of him and not only that – there were snakes that were a part of the room.

Razor tested my boundaries, and pressed through things that I never thought I would enjoy. Being bound to a St. Andrew’s Cross. Having Edgeplay with knives – but he hit my limit with bloodplay. It was an accident but in doing so, it taught me that there are boundaries and care when learning them. When in sexual situations, a partner needs to be aware of their sub and the person being taken care of. It may not be words, but body language says more. Razor saw that immediately it affected me. He stopped and cared for me. Checked how I was and made sure I knew we could stop. He closed the cut and used a salve to help the scar that appeared rather than smooth skin. It disturbed him and he made sure to make up for that. Because Mutilation do things with their flesh, doing so to others without their consent is a big no-no. Accident or not, he didn’t know that I would scar and that it wasn’t consensual. He made damn sure that I was okay and cared for me. The first time a partner gave a shit.

Demons taught me not just to consent and watch for it in body language, but to understand that there are boundaries. Boundaries are crucial when sexually intimate. If they are crossed, then all activity is stopped and the one major thing to have care. I’ve never experienced this and it was revolutionary that this care was being given. Things changed for me in understanding the dynamics of sexual play.

Back to the snakes – this is where I began to accept and understand that there are taboos but some of them are merely a human thing. Razor had brought the snakes because that was a deep desire I had buried so long ago. An excerpt from the snake part of the session:

Just as Razor lifted a snake from the tank, Vex appeared. He stood in the door and I made eye contact with him. Razor grinned as he placed the snake on my chest.

“They can understand the demonic tongue, something special about them. Do not worry for they can understand us.”

He spoke some words and the snake undulated against my breasts and nipples, the oddest sensation. This was but one that I had always kept hidden in my mind’s depths, always feared to let out and confide in another of my deep desires. Only two on this Earth know of this deep secret within me, both I don’t speak with anymore and most likely they have forgotten.

The other snake was placed on my body and the first curled around my shoulders and behind my neck, before winding his way around my chest. The second snake kept curled on my stomach but her tail wove down toward my folds. I sucked in a sharp breath at what I knew was coming and wanted to experience, but never thought that I would be able to. Razor’s deep voice sent the snake’s commands and I shivered at the tone. A smooth tail flickered over my sensitive clit and I cried out as she (the snake) played with it. The male opened his mouth and dragged the back of his fangs over my breast and nipple. I sucked in a breath as I watched a bright yellow liquid dripped onto my skin. It didn’t hurt but I knew that it was dangerous. Razor wiped it off. The three demons stood at the edge of the bed, watching me.

Madam Amora’s House of Sin and Lust 2019 Experience

This was it – this was understanding that these snakes understand the demonic tongue and speak their own version which demons can understand. They can provide CONSENT. And this is what Razor had done. He provided the understanding that with consent there are no such things that are taboo – beyond a few things. I was holding back my desires and my sexual self withered because everything was taboo and not things that were rightly so. This desire for the snakes was nothing. The demons watched with excitement and arousal as I was enjoying this. There was no disgust. No shame. Nothing but arousal and acceptance. True acceptance that it was okay to have this.

That is what the demonic empowerment of the sexual self is about. It’s about true acceptance of even the darkest desires that we have within our sexual self. Knowing that to express, experience, and share this is sacred sexuality. There should be no shame – only acceptance. I was taught that it is okay to have sexual desires and releases that were worthy of my sexual being.

There was another part of this experience that completely threw me for a loop yet taught me something critical. After care.

I was laid down and the snakes removed, curling up with Vex in utter bliss. I was winded from all of that. I could see the whip marks were starting to really take shape now. Razor and Ram were beginning to leave when I got a slew of images from Vex. The next thing I know, I am being placed on the sex swing again and Razor is feeding me ice cream while Ram sucks ice cream off my folds and Vex sucks the ice cream and chocolate off my body. I’m panting and being brought up into another orgasm again. In the corner that Razor manifested from earlier, there was a set of towels and washing basin. Ram and Vex washed me down while Razor applied a massage oil to me and massaged my body and legs. The Aftercare had me glowing in bliss. I felt happy and satisfied and cared for.

This was such a foreign concept to me that I actually did not know how to feel other than sheer bliss. I’ve never had this. Not once. And that was the whole point. Aftercare for both the Dom and the sub, or even without a dynamic, can be more important than the actual bonding through intercourse. If there is no Aftercare, then there is no trust. There is only self-fulfillment and that is deplorable to demons. Even if it’s just a romp or sex, there is still the aftercare to make sure that there are no drops. There can be some severe drops – when a person dives into a darker headspace that can be detrimental to their wellbeing (subdrop is different from Domdrop) – and to prevent this from happening it means taking care of one another. I learned that if a partner does not do this then they are not the one for you. It doesn’t have to be elaborate like what they did for me, but it should be cuddled or cleaning off or even emotionally checking in.