Macro snowflake covered with frost in the cold season under the bright sun, blurred background. Transparent leaves of the skeleton.

Side Quest: Recalling Unique Astral Experiences

On the Side Quest… Unique Astral Experiences!

Okay so the side quest for the week was to think about unique or weird astral experiences that we have had or something that you do regularly. Akelta talked about how she sits on Saturn’s rings a lot.

I had to think about it, because I tend to wander and just do things. I think for me, in thinking about astral experiences, that it’s not so much what I do there, but how I remember. I tend to love connecting with places. In my old astral space (before the Paimon gifted realm), I used to build portal doors to places I’ve visited. So I got into the habit of collecting pieces of the worlds/realms that I visited. Something that means something. That’s usually how I remember my places and experiences is bringing a piece of that back with me somehow. Of course I usually ask permission before doing so, it’s only polite.

There’s so many things I can think of to talk about but I think it’s more of how it impacts my perspective. How I want to continue interacting, what I am learning from it. There’s a fair few places that were random travels that I ended up going back because of the learning potential. I’m thinking of Grandma Tsülie and the Necrosis Cannibalism forest. She always has something to teach me about bones.

Actually thinking on that. The other day she had mentioned about working with bones and with listening to them speak. Hearing their messages. She posed a question to me: Have I listened to my own bones? They are a part of me, but have I listened to them to hear what they have to say.

Honestly, I’ve never thought of communication or working with bones that are still apart of the living. It was quite an interesting perspective shift.

Calm relaxation meditation concept. Sexy fashion model Fantasy woman sitting under water sea, red long silk dress fabric floating. fairy girl posing in deep pool underwater shooting Art Magic light

Some More Thoughts

It’s interesting in how things circle around. I’ve been working with going back to my roots of my practice. Connecting with my demons. It’s been a rough few years where I was only connecting on the surface. Back when I was fully into my practice, there was so much that I was delving into. Ry wanted me to dive into dark energies of crystals and connecting with plant spirits to receive wisdom. Tal wanted me to create grimoires and journals to write information down. So I went into hand binding to learn how to properly make them. Vex and a few others were so keen on my learning malas to make malas for connection. Belle and Taz of course are my necrosis bone workers so they wanted me to delve deep into Osteomancy and uncover more to it.

But that fell to the side because of so many trauma and issues. I lost the plot somewhere and I was afraid to get back to it. Maybe it’s because I felt shame that I had let it get to me. And then embarrassed to meet them face to face bec I felt that shame. It’s a whole cycle of the mind.

Then, it just all shifted. Those blockages fell away in December and I let go of the shame and embarrassment. It wasn’t easy and I worked with a therapist to help get me back on my feet.

But you know what it’s done? I’m looking at mala beads to start back up making them. I’ve pulled out my palm stones to carry around and connect. This year’s crystal or at least starting is Epidote because demons pushed that one so in face. I’ve started thinking about writing my Osteomancy articles. I’m feeling the flow return.

Blockages are the hardest. Healing is not easy and it’s definitely not linear. But the biggest lesson is that the demons are always there at whatever capacity that I need them. I didn’t need teachers or mentors or those pushing me. I needed companionship and understanding. That’s what they gave me these past years. Now that I am stepping back into my path, they are right here with me.

It’s come full circle of my interests again. Now I’m ready for this New Year to really kick off and dive back to it. Starting with sharing my experiences and things I’m working on.

So now I’m gonna ask you, what is something you’re going back to., reviving, or even starting anew? Something you wanted to attempt? I think I’m going to really begin my astral work again. Revive it and delve deeper.

Macro snowflake covered with frost in the cold season under the bright sun, blurred background. Transparent leaves of the skeleton.

Dreaming of Epidote

Well, I got the journals set up and ready… and in time too. I had a vivid dream this morning that was very much important. It’s been something that I needed to do but it’s nice to have verification about the progress. I woke up feeling like my old self, pre-2020 working with astral work and starting the inspiration to journal. Yesterday the Muti Dark Lord matched and his vessel was epidote.

The epidote invaded my dream. There was a race of dino-people? And the epidote like material grew in their bones that you can see – that bright olive green against pure bone color… and they have these quills of bone/epidote that is their conversion magic. Transformation magic. And I remember being there with them and the guy who was like the top one with a partial triceratops transformation with so much epidote through it. And he said I’m sorry but it’s necessary (there was conflict of some kind with others)… and then shot the bone crystal quill up my nose like a deep piercing and I immediately felt the energetic effects and it’s still phantom feeling. So it’s done something but idk what.

I had dreams of magick after that. But the piercing was super relaxation mode. I could feel the soul deep release and like I had been sedated.

I woke up and felt such a deep shift of release. I craved to explore the astral and start journaling. I desired to sit and sketch out sigils that were in my head and full of power. I ended up picking up my epidote palm stone that was bought more than two years ago with intention to work with it. It has great meaning now.

“Epidote amplifies our highest vibrations, helping us to transform our lives in a multitude of ways. It teaches us to walk, talk, and think as our Highest Self. Epidote has a very loving and forgiving energy, inviting us to let go of anything that holds us back from enjoying life and living with passion and integrity. It ignites in us a passion for personal improvement, urging us to honestly assess our strengths and weakness and to pursue our dreams accordingly.”

This resonated so deeply with how I have felt. I feel like I was in my peak time, where I was doing astral work evry day. I was exploring new magicks and places. I felt like I was genuinely my spiritual self again. I still do. And I know it has been my demons breaking all these blockages, which has led me to extreme healing the las two months. The demons are stepping up the game and Im bring thrown up into the higher vibrations again. It’s like walking from a monochrome grey into a colorful world again. And I cannot wait to see where this goes.

Macro snowflake covered with frost in the cold season under the bright sun, blurred background. Transparent leaves of the skeleton.

Feeling Old Self with New Passion

Today was a fantastic day of demons and inspiration. Well the wake up call from the Mutilation Dark Lord… quite literally. He wanted to be posted so bad that the moment Akelta texted his information, I could hear the buzzing of my phone in my dream. Enough to wake me up. It was hilarious, but it came with such giddiness and excitement. Watching him find his person was so reminiscent of my own match with my Void Lord… who is coming home and I need to have a nickname for him or something.

After that and laughing for a few hours, I ended up going out with my mom for the whole day. It led to purchasing a lot of things, but Im happy bec it was snacks and books and lorcana and clothes. The most inspirational really was inspired by someone in the IS Gen Chat in discord. We all got to talking about journaling and now it’s a group that wants to work to begin journaling again (or starting).

It was the perfect time to get new journals and I managed to score the same brand I used to use when I first started my journey of journaling my spiritual work. I decided that I would have two separate ones. I have been having more open vibrations and awakening with my dreams once more. I want to start working towards astral dreaming, dreamwalking, and lucid dreaming. So I want to start chronicling that.

The second journal is going to be me returning to the astral again. Not just to explore but I want to start recording things I find. I know it’s Tal who is all up in excitement at me picking up my astral anthropology again and finding magic and sigils and knowledge. It means Im finally in a mindset again where I can travel.

So these are my start to 2026! It’s early but I find if I start when Im inspired… it’ll stick longer.

Nov25

Starting to Break the Pattern

I’ve finally begun to acknowledge the pain, harm, and trauma I experienced at the hands of someone who was my superior (no longer). They made me believe that my UPG and experiences weren’t good enough. Shamed and humiliated me to the point that I could no longer do the things I loved. My demons, my practice, parts of my job. But I’ve started slowly talking about it and acknowledging it. Doing so a week or so ago released something. Tonight, I have done the same, and now I write about what happened this morning. I shared what I experienced and was taught by my demons.

Today began early. I have been having severe anxiety and issues with really stepping back into my practice. There was something that happened over the years that brought me absolute inability to make the connections where I was sharing what I learned and my experiences like the forum and discord etc. But I think I’m finally shedding that.

In doing so, I’ve been trying to tackle my severe anxiety and other mental health by therapy. Which has led to higher levels of anxiety because things are being worked on.

So I wake up with anxiety already started. Today, I woke up after finding my Purple Hellborn General Lixa’s vessel in an old purse the previous day. Her ring was sitting on the side table. I was awake for maybe 5 minutes before the anxiety hit me and I heard Lixa say to sit up, that we were going to take care of it.

(Note: This is NOT a substitute for medical help. I am being treated already for very specific things with medical professionals. This is being used in tandem to help me spiritually and energetically – which did in fact help regulate my nervous system)

So I sit up, cross my legs and close my eyes. My hands are out, palm up. She sits in front of me the same, with her hands over mine. Lixa guides me through breathing exercises, my normal when starting any form of meditation. Once I was deep enough into, tapping into the energies, she guided me through the grounding.

I am mixed between that it was Necrosis energy and earth energies, because it felt so relaxing and soothing. I was to bring it up to each chakra, one at a time and then let it flow out. Like a tide of energy entering, taking stuff that was stagnant and then leaving. Repeating this for every chakra. This was bringing a cleansing, a grounding, and breaking blockages.

Once that was done, I did the reverse. I brought the Golden Black demonic energies down from my higher chakras to my Crown. And then went down the line of chakra from head to toe. This was bringing in a balance, a cleanse, and rejuvenation.

The third step was to bring both down into my body and merge them together to create a harmonizing energy that would balance – much like when one balances the feminine and masculine. It slowly but surely merged together and I felt the peace and relaxation wash through me.

It was then that Lixa moved aside and Tya stepped in. Tya is the beautiful Solar Sorceress of the Black Sun that I won during the Spring Equinox Event from 2020. She got in and started working directly with the solar energies to go through my Solar Plexus. I sunk deeper into the Solar Plexus to examine it as the Tree projection that I see chakras as. There was a lot of work happening that she was going through, while Kiver my Solar/Serpentine King who is specifically oversees a Healing Oasis, sat behind me with his hands directly on the Solar Plexus. They worked in tandem to help break the blockages and rebuild the damage that had been taken from the stress and the pressure I’ve had lately that’s blocked my writing and creativity.

Once that was done, it had only been about 20 minutes, but for the first time I was able to take my normal level of anxiety for waking (which shouldn’t even be a thing) down to not existent and feeling so peaceful and nonstressed. I actually ended up sitting and reading for at least two hours after that, finally feeling like everything lifted that had been crumbling inside.

Calm relaxation meditation concept. Sexy fashion model Fantasy woman sitting under water sea, red long silk dress fabric floating. fairy girl posing in deep pool underwater shooting Art Magic light

Understanding My Limits

It was hard. I had only four hours of sleep because of the hyperfocus on designing book covers that I couldn’t stop and do anything else. Including sleep and struggled to eat because I just was to into things. I spoke with my demons after and just… we talked it out and I also got some good advice from Akelta where I bought a book and waiting for it to arrive. But something that stuck with me was that I’m not in manic states. I’m just at such a high vibrational state that I’m actually functional, creative, and doing self care that prevents a burn out. But I am so used to having crashes and burn outs, that I am waiting for the “shoe to drop” so to speak. Though the conversation I had with Akelta about high vibrational states and caring for the self, down days aren’t meant to be burn outs and crashes. Instead, it should be “I feel like it’s a movie day or game day” and not “I need to lay down because I feel like the world is on fire and I can’t do anything”.

After working (all the Inner Sanctuary stuff), I ended up working and creating a whole other cover (this makes 3 now). I’m doing this because I have 5 series in this Universe that I am writing (all different characters)… and I really want to have covers to inspire me to finish and publish them.

Thank you demons for loving me even when I make mistakes and when things are hard. Thank you for helping me pick myself back up.

It was an interesting experience halfway through the day, where I took a shower to cleanse. After, I connected with Vex while prepping to leave to grocery shop. I put on music, which I don’t know how to line dance and I don’t listen to country except for the Twisters Soundtrack. But when he put his hands on my hips to dance, I knew how to dance. I knew some of the steps and was able to follow along with him while laughing. It raised me back up from feeling much further down when I woke up.

Calm relaxation meditation concept. Sexy fashion model Fantasy woman sitting under water sea, red long silk dress fabric floating. fairy girl posing in deep pool underwater shooting Art Magic light

A Deep Cleanse

For the first time since 2019, I was able to take a bath. The places I lived before always had broken tubs or only stand-in showers. So I have never been able to sit and relax, cleanse, and able to really self care in a way that showers just can’t do. They don’t give a full body relaxation or allow different cleansers to really penetrate deep into that.

As I laid there, I was pulled into the astral by Kiver, my Solar/Serpentine King & Sorcerer. He has a realm that is centered around a Healing Oasis. He carefully helped me into a private area of healing waters from his realm. And he was with me through the whole process of physically and spiritually cleansing. Releasing 5 years worth of stress, energies, burdens, and all else. It was something so deeply ingrained that was released.

So I was just so relaxed that honestly I don’t remember much other than getting out, crawling into bed, and then passing out about 3-4 hours earlier than I usually do and sleeping so solidly that I felt deeply rested. I am so blessed to have demons that have these things and are able to really work with me to release these things.

Calm relaxation meditation concept. Sexy fashion model Fantasy woman sitting under water sea, red long silk dress fabric floating. fairy girl posing in deep pool underwater shooting Art Magic light

Unmasking & Health

I had a Dr. Appointment (second this week), and was nervous but hopeful. I ended up having amazing results. Im much, much healthier. I went to have some Pho with my mom and just felt so blessed to being healthy. The demons have been my very strong support with this. I even surprised the dr with how much it was changed and better.

I have been working more and more on my unmasking things. It’s becoming more apparent that the unmasking and other things have been really affecting some things. But the fact that I have been sliding into a safe environment and that I am regulating into feeling safe, is something so wonderful.

photo of forest with fog

Understanding Shamanism At Its Core

Strap in, this is a LONG one. Ry got his way. In the form of my mother literally handing me 10 pages of handwritten notes from multiple books on Shamanism – definitions and explanations, that I wrote during my college days.

I’ve been sitting on this one for awhile. Ry asked me to understand where to start with learning Demonic Shamanism by examining my current knowledge and conceptualization of what Shamanism is here on Earth. So what exactly is Shamanism? What defines being a shaman?

That’s a really extensive answer, in truth. One that I have been learning for more than seven years. I spent the last half of my college Anthropology degree studying Shamanism and Indigenous Practices. Understanding it through the eyes of many cultures. And that’s where the beginning starts.

Shamanism is an umbrella term for a specific type of practice and belief. There is the root word that Shaman stems from, which is from the Tungus word šaman meaning “to know”. It encompasses dozens if not hundreds of Indigenous beliefs and practices. In fact, there is now two sections that sit underneath the Shamanism term. Traditional Shamanism and Neo-Shamanism. Traditional Shamanism has those underneath it categorized as Indigenous in origin. Neo-Shamanism is relatively new (20th Century), with the concepts of Traditional Shamanism applied in a more ‘modern’ and open way of interacting with certain practices and beliefs.

I’ll elaborate on that.

Traditional Shamanism has so many underneath that umbrella term. This is where you will find the Greenlandic Angakkuq, the Andean P’akkos, and much more. Each Indigenous Culture has a version of a Shaman in some form, though it goes by many names. The Hollywoodization of the American Nations Tribes have boiled most people’s basic knowledge to the term ‘Medicine Man’. Which in of itself is a whole host of irregularities due to the fact that every single Nations Tribe has their own language and word specifically for that role.

You may be asking then, what exactly is a Shaman? If there are so many names and practices, how can so many of them be called the same thing?

The answer to that is that Shaman and Shamanism are umbrella terms that describe a specific set of qualities that fit a defined practice. The concept behind a Shaman is that it is a role within a community where a person is a mediator between the profane (physical/mundane) realm and the sacred (spiritual/Other) realm – usually in which this person interacts with spirits in some fashion.

If we want to get further into it, we can do so with the purpose behind these mediators or shamans. They are the ones that have the tasks to create understanding of chaos in the profane world by traveling to the spiritual world to receive answers in their encounters. Most of these Indigenous societies had relatively close connections with Nature. In order to better understand the forces that were unpredictable (disasters, famine, etc), they would have a shaman work with the Other or Spirits in order to receive messages on how to handle and reduce the fear of those chaotic forces. These were also those who served the role of Healer for both individuals and the society as a whole.

According to Mircea Eliade, a religious Historian that studied Shamans and Shamanism, he boils the word down to a single concept: Shamanism as an umbrella term has been broadened to cover any practice world wide that has any attempt to contact the spirit-world. I don’t quite agree with this. I think that in order to qualify, it cannot be done just as connection with the spirit-world. I believe that to be qualified as a Shaman and Shamanism, it must be done through a ritualistic practice and method.

This point leads into the conversation of what Neo-Shamanism is. It’s a late 20th Century development from Michael Harner. He describes a Shaman as “a person who journey’s to the spirits, seeking them out in their own world and remaining in control during the time spent there”. Harner goes onto explaining that for Neo-Shamanism, “everyone is his or her own prophet, getting spiritual revelation directly from the highest sources”. He has worked to explain that it [Neo-Shamanism] “has been created… to establish a link for modern man to his spiritual roots, to re-introduce shamanic behavior into the lives of Westerners in search of spirituality, and thereby, renew contact with Nature”.

For me, I lean on the Traditional Shamanism side, with that it is something that is kept within a sacred and revered role. This is not a popular view with those that seek Neo-Shamanism, in which they believe that anyone can practice and become a Shaman in their own right. Whereas, I believe in the Traditional stance that a person is chosen and does not have a choice. You are chosen through the society or community you come from, which is why it is within Indigenous societies, or you are chosen by the Spirits or Ancestors. There is no choice when you are chosen for it through the Ancestors or Spirits, where there may be some flexibility with the societal promotion to the role.

I do believe that there are those that are drawn to the communities and to the traditional shamanism path because the Spirits/Ancestors are guiding them to the Traditional Shamans. For example, Andean P’akkos are some of the few that will take on mentees that come to them wishing to learn to become a Shaman or walk a Shamanic path.

That leads to the next part of understanding. What is the difference between Shaman and Shamanic. Shaman is the person in which is slotted into the role of the mediator or healer, they are initiated and taught how to step into that role. They are the ones who are chosen to walk that path and do so. Shamanic is an aspect or utilizing beliefs that one walks while they practice. So you would walk a Shamanic path if you believed in Animism and communing with the Guides and Spirits, working with plant spirits to provide healing, and so much more.

It all cycles back to the whole point of writing this. Understanding Ry’s question: What is Shamanism at it’s core?

It’s understanding the role in which a person plays within a community or a path, where they have connection to the spirit world, that they can make sense of the profane world through those connections and encounters.

Ry then now asks me, “That is your understanding of Shamanism at it’s core for Earth Shamans. Then, if you take that core concept and translate that understanding to the Demonic Energies and Vibrations, what is Demonic Shamanism?”

That is my next task. I must sit with this base understanding, which honestly goes much deeper than I went into here, and meditate and work through translating the energies of what Demonic Shamanism is. It is not just applying demonic energy to shamanism. Just as Shamanism on Earth is extremely complex with layers that involve every aspect of every individual Indigenous practice that varies radically at times, Demonic Shamanism is also something that must be examined as a whole at first and then broken down into more complex layers and concepts. It’s not something that will be able to be explained in even one session or a hundred. It’s also a Practice, a belief, a Way of Life, and Understanding that takes hundreds and thousands of lifetimes to truly Master. But I think at least, I’ll get a good start.

photo of forest with fog

Stop and Listen, Learn Through Being Guided

I’ve been trying to figure out what to write. Today was rough again with the concentration and focus. I just wanted to lay down, but I go got through with some amazing friends that sat in VC with me to body double. They were editing and doing their own writing while I was able to actually focus in on my task and get it done. I wanted to give up but didn’t. I’m super proud of myself for that.

But I’m tired. I got over to my hammock to sit in and maybe write… but I just am tired. Too mentally worn from trying to fight my own demand avoidance and fatigue. I also ended up cleaning a major thing today and grocery shopped and made dinner for my mother and I. Wow, seeing all that… I did phenomenal and it explains my tiredness.

Yet… I feel like I’m letting down my demons when I want to bond with them, learn from them. In fact, I was doing some things when I was thinking about writing these posts. Specifically about the Demonic Shamanism. It’s on my brain very often. I find myself always wanting to dive deep and explore, but mentally am also dealing with the weather shifts and fatigue.

So I’m doing some tasks when I think about what Ry had originally asked me: What is Shamanism? What makes it? Where does it stem from and why is it important. But then my brain stops and thinks, but where do I start? I have no idea where to begin or where to go, what to learn or the direction of learning.

Ry steps forward, “Why must you know the way forward? When you first learned of Earthen Shamanism, you didn’t have any idea of what it was or what made the foundations. You started from going to a random lecture/drum circle that was at a Light Convention. So what makes this different?”

Of course I”m mid task and think, OH NO! I won’t remember this and I need to write down what he’s saying and also the process of me talking it out with him.

His response was to laugh and tell me that he would have it no other way, because he knew how important it is for me to log down what I experience and hear, what I learn. So now… I can keep the conversation with him.

He sits next to me and watches as I write and think about what he said. And all I can think of is that this feels so important and I don’t want to mess it up. But I also don’t want to wander around within learning without forming some sort of foundation.

He thinks for a moment, “Why do you need to set out the future of learning. What about simply listening? Isn’t that what you learned to do in the first place? Isn’t that the lesson that was the first thing you learned when you got the Sickness – because you weren’t listening? Instead of trying to forge your way, why don’t you just listen to us? Listen to what I have to teach and what you can learn from Grandmama Tsülie. Why don’t we guide you, instead of you guiding through preconceived ideas of where to start?”

He kisses the top of my head and runs his hand through my hair. I guess he’s leaving me with that wisdom and telling me it’s time to rest. I’ve already been sleeping really badly lately.