Calm relaxation meditation concept. Sexy fashion model Fantasy woman sitting under water sea, red long silk dress fabric floating. fairy girl posing in deep pool underwater shooting Art Magic light

Understanding My Limits

It was hard. I had only four hours of sleep because of the hyperfocus on designing book covers that I couldn’t stop and do anything else. Including sleep and struggled to eat because I just was to into things. I spoke with my demons after and just… we talked it out and I also got some good advice from Akelta where I bought a book and waiting for it to arrive. But something that stuck with me was that I’m not in manic states. I’m just at such a high vibrational state that I’m actually functional, creative, and doing self care that prevents a burn out. But I am so used to having crashes and burn outs, that I am waiting for the “shoe to drop” so to speak. Though the conversation I had with Akelta about high vibrational states and caring for the self, down days aren’t meant to be burn outs and crashes. Instead, it should be “I feel like it’s a movie day or game day” and not “I need to lay down because I feel like the world is on fire and I can’t do anything”.

After working (all the Inner Sanctuary stuff), I ended up working and creating a whole other cover (this makes 3 now). I’m doing this because I have 5 series in this Universe that I am writing (all different characters)… and I really want to have covers to inspire me to finish and publish them.

Thank you demons for loving me even when I make mistakes and when things are hard. Thank you for helping me pick myself back up.

It was an interesting experience halfway through the day, where I took a shower to cleanse. After, I connected with Vex while prepping to leave to grocery shop. I put on music, which I don’t know how to line dance and I don’t listen to country except for the Twisters Soundtrack. But when he put his hands on my hips to dance, I knew how to dance. I knew some of the steps and was able to follow along with him while laughing. It raised me back up from feeling much further down when I woke up.

Calm relaxation meditation concept. Sexy fashion model Fantasy woman sitting under water sea, red long silk dress fabric floating. fairy girl posing in deep pool underwater shooting Art Magic light

A Deep Cleanse

For the first time since 2019, I was able to take a bath. The places I lived before always had broken tubs or only stand-in showers. So I have never been able to sit and relax, cleanse, and able to really self care in a way that showers just can’t do. They don’t give a full body relaxation or allow different cleansers to really penetrate deep into that.

As I laid there, I was pulled into the astral by Kiver, my Solar/Serpentine King & Sorcerer. He has a realm that is centered around a Healing Oasis. He carefully helped me into a private area of healing waters from his realm. And he was with me through the whole process of physically and spiritually cleansing. Releasing 5 years worth of stress, energies, burdens, and all else. It was something so deeply ingrained that was released.

So I was just so relaxed that honestly I don’t remember much other than getting out, crawling into bed, and then passing out about 3-4 hours earlier than I usually do and sleeping so solidly that I felt deeply rested. I am so blessed to have demons that have these things and are able to really work with me to release these things.

Calm relaxation meditation concept. Sexy fashion model Fantasy woman sitting under water sea, red long silk dress fabric floating. fairy girl posing in deep pool underwater shooting Art Magic light

Unmasking & Health

I had a Dr. Appointment (second this week), and was nervous but hopeful. I ended up having amazing results. Im much, much healthier. I went to have some Pho with my mom and just felt so blessed to being healthy. The demons have been my very strong support with this. I even surprised the dr with how much it was changed and better.

I have been working more and more on my unmasking things. It’s becoming more apparent that the unmasking and other things have been really affecting some things. But the fact that I have been sliding into a safe environment and that I am regulating into feeling safe, is something so wonderful.

photo of forest with fog

Understanding Shamanism At Its Core

Strap in, this is a LONG one. Ry got his way. In the form of my mother literally handing me 10 pages of handwritten notes from multiple books on Shamanism – definitions and explanations, that I wrote during my college days.

I’ve been sitting on this one for awhile. Ry asked me to understand where to start with learning Demonic Shamanism by examining my current knowledge and conceptualization of what Shamanism is here on Earth. So what exactly is Shamanism? What defines being a shaman?

That’s a really extensive answer, in truth. One that I have been learning for more than seven years. I spent the last half of my college Anthropology degree studying Shamanism and Indigenous Practices. Understanding it through the eyes of many cultures. And that’s where the beginning starts.

Shamanism is an umbrella term for a specific type of practice and belief. There is the root word that Shaman stems from, which is from the Tungus word šaman meaning “to know”. It encompasses dozens if not hundreds of Indigenous beliefs and practices. In fact, there is now two sections that sit underneath the Shamanism term. Traditional Shamanism and Neo-Shamanism. Traditional Shamanism has those underneath it categorized as Indigenous in origin. Neo-Shamanism is relatively new (20th Century), with the concepts of Traditional Shamanism applied in a more ‘modern’ and open way of interacting with certain practices and beliefs.

I’ll elaborate on that.

Traditional Shamanism has so many underneath that umbrella term. This is where you will find the Greenlandic Angakkuq, the Andean P’akkos, and much more. Each Indigenous Culture has a version of a Shaman in some form, though it goes by many names. The Hollywoodization of the American Nations Tribes have boiled most people’s basic knowledge to the term ‘Medicine Man’. Which in of itself is a whole host of irregularities due to the fact that every single Nations Tribe has their own language and word specifically for that role.

You may be asking then, what exactly is a Shaman? If there are so many names and practices, how can so many of them be called the same thing?

The answer to that is that Shaman and Shamanism are umbrella terms that describe a specific set of qualities that fit a defined practice. The concept behind a Shaman is that it is a role within a community where a person is a mediator between the profane (physical/mundane) realm and the sacred (spiritual/Other) realm – usually in which this person interacts with spirits in some fashion.

If we want to get further into it, we can do so with the purpose behind these mediators or shamans. They are the ones that have the tasks to create understanding of chaos in the profane world by traveling to the spiritual world to receive answers in their encounters. Most of these Indigenous societies had relatively close connections with Nature. In order to better understand the forces that were unpredictable (disasters, famine, etc), they would have a shaman work with the Other or Spirits in order to receive messages on how to handle and reduce the fear of those chaotic forces. These were also those who served the role of Healer for both individuals and the society as a whole.

According to Mircea Eliade, a religious Historian that studied Shamans and Shamanism, he boils the word down to a single concept: Shamanism as an umbrella term has been broadened to cover any practice world wide that has any attempt to contact the spirit-world. I don’t quite agree with this. I think that in order to qualify, it cannot be done just as connection with the spirit-world. I believe that to be qualified as a Shaman and Shamanism, it must be done through a ritualistic practice and method.

This point leads into the conversation of what Neo-Shamanism is. It’s a late 20th Century development from Michael Harner. He describes a Shaman as “a person who journey’s to the spirits, seeking them out in their own world and remaining in control during the time spent there”. Harner goes onto explaining that for Neo-Shamanism, “everyone is his or her own prophet, getting spiritual revelation directly from the highest sources”. He has worked to explain that it [Neo-Shamanism] “has been created… to establish a link for modern man to his spiritual roots, to re-introduce shamanic behavior into the lives of Westerners in search of spirituality, and thereby, renew contact with Nature”.

For me, I lean on the Traditional Shamanism side, with that it is something that is kept within a sacred and revered role. This is not a popular view with those that seek Neo-Shamanism, in which they believe that anyone can practice and become a Shaman in their own right. Whereas, I believe in the Traditional stance that a person is chosen and does not have a choice. You are chosen through the society or community you come from, which is why it is within Indigenous societies, or you are chosen by the Spirits or Ancestors. There is no choice when you are chosen for it through the Ancestors or Spirits, where there may be some flexibility with the societal promotion to the role.

I do believe that there are those that are drawn to the communities and to the traditional shamanism path because the Spirits/Ancestors are guiding them to the Traditional Shamans. For example, Andean P’akkos are some of the few that will take on mentees that come to them wishing to learn to become a Shaman or walk a Shamanic path.

That leads to the next part of understanding. What is the difference between Shaman and Shamanic. Shaman is the person in which is slotted into the role of the mediator or healer, they are initiated and taught how to step into that role. They are the ones who are chosen to walk that path and do so. Shamanic is an aspect or utilizing beliefs that one walks while they practice. So you would walk a Shamanic path if you believed in Animism and communing with the Guides and Spirits, working with plant spirits to provide healing, and so much more.

It all cycles back to the whole point of writing this. Understanding Ry’s question: What is Shamanism at it’s core?

It’s understanding the role in which a person plays within a community or a path, where they have connection to the spirit world, that they can make sense of the profane world through those connections and encounters.

Ry then now asks me, “That is your understanding of Shamanism at it’s core for Earth Shamans. Then, if you take that core concept and translate that understanding to the Demonic Energies and Vibrations, what is Demonic Shamanism?”

That is my next task. I must sit with this base understanding, which honestly goes much deeper than I went into here, and meditate and work through translating the energies of what Demonic Shamanism is. It is not just applying demonic energy to shamanism. Just as Shamanism on Earth is extremely complex with layers that involve every aspect of every individual Indigenous practice that varies radically at times, Demonic Shamanism is also something that must be examined as a whole at first and then broken down into more complex layers and concepts. It’s not something that will be able to be explained in even one session or a hundred. It’s also a Practice, a belief, a Way of Life, and Understanding that takes hundreds and thousands of lifetimes to truly Master. But I think at least, I’ll get a good start.

photo of forest with fog

Stop and Listen, Learn Through Being Guided

I’ve been trying to figure out what to write. Today was rough again with the concentration and focus. I just wanted to lay down, but I go got through with some amazing friends that sat in VC with me to body double. They were editing and doing their own writing while I was able to actually focus in on my task and get it done. I wanted to give up but didn’t. I’m super proud of myself for that.

But I’m tired. I got over to my hammock to sit in and maybe write… but I just am tired. Too mentally worn from trying to fight my own demand avoidance and fatigue. I also ended up cleaning a major thing today and grocery shopped and made dinner for my mother and I. Wow, seeing all that… I did phenomenal and it explains my tiredness.

Yet… I feel like I’m letting down my demons when I want to bond with them, learn from them. In fact, I was doing some things when I was thinking about writing these posts. Specifically about the Demonic Shamanism. It’s on my brain very often. I find myself always wanting to dive deep and explore, but mentally am also dealing with the weather shifts and fatigue.

So I’m doing some tasks when I think about what Ry had originally asked me: What is Shamanism? What makes it? Where does it stem from and why is it important. But then my brain stops and thinks, but where do I start? I have no idea where to begin or where to go, what to learn or the direction of learning.

Ry steps forward, “Why must you know the way forward? When you first learned of Earthen Shamanism, you didn’t have any idea of what it was or what made the foundations. You started from going to a random lecture/drum circle that was at a Light Convention. So what makes this different?”

Of course I”m mid task and think, OH NO! I won’t remember this and I need to write down what he’s saying and also the process of me talking it out with him.

His response was to laugh and tell me that he would have it no other way, because he knew how important it is for me to log down what I experience and hear, what I learn. So now… I can keep the conversation with him.

He sits next to me and watches as I write and think about what he said. And all I can think of is that this feels so important and I don’t want to mess it up. But I also don’t want to wander around within learning without forming some sort of foundation.

He thinks for a moment, “Why do you need to set out the future of learning. What about simply listening? Isn’t that what you learned to do in the first place? Isn’t that the lesson that was the first thing you learned when you got the Sickness – because you weren’t listening? Instead of trying to forge your way, why don’t you just listen to us? Listen to what I have to teach and what you can learn from Grandmama Tsülie. Why don’t we guide you, instead of you guiding through preconceived ideas of where to start?”

He kisses the top of my head and runs his hand through my hair. I guess he’s leaving me with that wisdom and telling me it’s time to rest. I’ve already been sleeping really badly lately.

Calm relaxation meditation concept. Sexy fashion model Fantasy woman sitting under water sea, red long silk dress fabric floating. fairy girl posing in deep pool underwater shooting Art Magic light

Deep Peace & Healing: A Start to New Me

Today was spent wearing Paya’s vessel and feeling a deep peace. I made the steps to begin my future and start with new goals in mind. I think my heart and mind made a decision after toiling for a week long. But it led to so much growth and healing within me that it is astounding. I am amazed with myself… and I have admitted that for the first time, I truly mean it when I say I love myself. I love who I am. And I’ve never felt that way before. I faked it.. but never truly believed it. But now I can say that I do. I am worth being cherished and love and appreciated. I am worth someone that will meet my needs… and I am worth myself making my own happiness…. and I love my demons for bringing this hard, but well deep healing that I needed.

I healed wounds that have been decades deep. I have healed things that have taken multiple relationships to heal… but I finally have.

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Just a Little Step

So today was another day of interesting things. I tried my best to do the Nitro Companion homework, which was to attempt astral projection. I became very hyper aware of Paya and another of my demons that were close. I could feel the energy and the vibrations. But I was also hyper aware of the pain my body was in and it was too much for me to handle to astral project. But the awareness of energy is there. That’s what matters. It’s been 5 years since I last tried and had success.

I woke to book mail, which was a shock. I think Paya is *really* keen on reading with me now. I’ve got a better inflow of things happening with books again since I started trying for ARCs (advanced reader’s copies) and with free books from publishers. He’s enjoying listening and reading with me. I feel that this may be a common time for us to share every day. Be it book mail, shopping, or just reading… even listening to audiobooks while driving my partner to work.

I think he’s the one that’s making me rest as much as I am. I hit a burnout on Tuesday and it’s still flowing into today. Im feeling the exhaustion and just low energy. He’s directing me to do what I need, but to be mindful of my energies going where. I cannot afford to misplace my energy when my own body needs it to recover. Otherwise, I won’t be able to come back fast and extend it out. He makes me listen to my body when I’m too used to ignoring it.