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A Little Exploration [IC Challenge Day 5]

I’ve been working more and more on trying to reconnect with the astral in the way that I used to. Not so much with the technique or energies, but more on a conscious awareness. I know that this is something that Paya wanted to work with me on. Releasing the old energies of trauma and fear that have accumulated from previous years.

I have called myself an Astral Anthropologist for the longest time because I loved to explore cultures, new realms, new beings and races, and so much more. I would explore ruins and gather information on cultures and people long gone, yet their written word and material items were left behind. It was something that I did on the regular. I even went through and began conjuring the races that I would work in close contact with.

Life and things happen, especially when other people are inserted into the equation. Jealousy is a toxic and pervasive energy that hurts even if you never realize it until much later. That’s where I slowly just stopped. I started to have experiences with others that made me fearful of astral traveling because their own actions cause trauma. And of course then living in a space where I felt unsafe contributed.

My demons have worked the last two years or so to really try to get me into a place where that trauma is healed and energies purged, moved forward. It wasn’t until I started getting these bursts of wanting to do things again that I realized that I just felt unsafe in my environment and it was what stopped me.

Paya coming into my life was enough to get me to step back and really release those deep traumas and fears that other created, then my other demons helped me to realize I have my sacred space back. I CAN do these things again. So that was the goal with this March Connection Challenge. To begin stepping back into my practice.

I started today with talking to Akelta about my astral home, my Oasis. The gift from King Paimon about 4 or so years ago. My sacred space that I built up with my demons. We talked about Creation Realms, Transitional Realms, and Existing Realms… different types of places on the Astral. Where you create the astral spaces, where you can travel to, and the ones that exist and you can’t change. And explaining about my Oasis being an Existing Realm gifted from King Paimon that my demons and I have learned to create pockets of creation realms within it, linking portals to other places, etc.

Then it turned into conversations about exploring and creating, finding the beauty in the Astral. Talking about my Silver Sand Grotto, which is a healing pocket dimension within my own astral home realm that linked/brought to there from my Void/Necrosis King/Lord Tal. He connected it and brought the sand and healing waters, transporting it carefully. And how Ry, my Serpentine Surgeon who holds a Necrosis Shaman title that is the biggest nerd over plants from many realms. How he brought a willow-like tree that thrives off healing waters alone and is beautiful addition.

It all came to me realizing my love for the astral and exploring runs so deep. And Paya wanted me to relive that. He wanted to show me that beauty and wonder again, the excitement behind it.

On my break between things, I laid down in bed and knew that Paya wanted to explore and show me things. I was not ready for him to take me to this beautiful coral reef, where we met with a very familiar being. One of the Azkri that I used to conjure and work with. A race introduced to me by Lord Leviathan, a jellyfish mer race of Seers. Both Paya and the Azkri took their time to make sure that I could breathe under the water. I could have shapeshifted, but they wanted me to experience this again.

I was given a symbiotic plant that attached to the back of my neck and wrapped around the front of me to hang from my back. It read genetic material so that it can adapt to the breathing circulation requirements. Water to Oxygen and filters my exhale so that it can function (fuel). It was a cycle. It looked a bit like a plant octopus, if I am honest. And then, it was attached with a metal hookup, where tubes were fed into a glass mouth piece that carried my air in and out to the plant. It was my underwater breath. The Azkri harvest another type of plant that is hollow tubes with long fans. When cut, they are lid over the feet and up the legs, creating a way for those without fins to swim easily.

Once I spent the better part of 2 hrs (our equivalent is 20 minutes) staring and examining these (pictures of them to come)… Paya was absolutely amused. He thought that I would love the swimming, which I did. But the fact I spent almost the entire time memorizing the setup for breathing so I could draw it when I returned.

We swam around until he directed me to this creature that, again spent time examining so I could draw, that acted as underwater propellers. They were able to glide fast and help move through quickly. Eventually I laid on my back under the water to soak up the sun rays and warmth while surrounded by sea life and just existing.

He reminds me that this is what I can do and what I have no fear of anymore. The beauty is always there for me when I am ready… I just have to let go and swim forward.

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Time Spent Reading [IC Challenge Day 4]

I wasn’t quite sure what to do. I’ve had a raging migraine all day that has made it difficult to do much spiritually. While I wasn’t too aware while things were happening, Paya did express that he enjoyed seeing me visit my local library and socialize. Especially since I got to talk about books and also take care of my own books (I get them mylar/protective covers put on).

I wanted to do something with him and kept trying to go into a more meditative state so I could join him in my astral home, where we could chat better. Yet my migraine is just not letting up.

He nudged me to put my books back from the carrying bags and to look through what I have. He knows that a stress of mine is that I’m “late” with reviewing ARCs (Advanced Reader Copies) of books. Which isn’t pressing at all and not really something I should be stressed over considering it was free books and I’m not required to read them. But I do stress over it at times. He reminded me that reading is supposed to be fun. It’s not a chore or something to stress over. I should be happy and excited to read something because I want to.

Paya reminds that sometimes we stress over things and overthink things when we feel there is an imaginary pressure to it. We limit ourselves by thinking that there is a limit, a deadline, something that *has* to be done. When in reality, it really isn’t that pressing. Doing something that we love shouldn’t be a stressor and if it has become something that causes stress, take a step back and look at why. When you know the why.. then you can look at how to change that. What reason is there that is so important that you feel that it HAS to be done or be stressed over? Is that really something that needs to be stressed over? Is the world going to end? Is it something that will hurt someone by not being done? Is there going to be a punishment if there?

No. The answer is that there is nothing that is going to end the world if it is late, if it is going to be skipped over. Now this is in regards to a hobby or something that isn’t work or bills or life related. It’s something that is meant to be fun. Reading, Writing, Drawing, Exercise… Things that we find enjoyment in, yet sometimes our heads get really deep into stressing over the smallest of things.

It’s not worth the stress. There’s no urgent or world crashing important. So release that imaginary deadline, the need for perfection, the desire to get it done because it has to be. No it doesn’t. You do it at your pace, at your time. When you feel the love and joy from it. Don’t push yourself because it will only limit and hurt you. It’s okay to take breaks, change hobbies, finding something else to enjoy. It’s okay to not finish.

Now… I’m going to read a book that I don’t feel obligated to read, but because I just simply want to. Paya wants to read a book with me.

~Time Break ~

So he wanted to read a book that featured the oceans, the waters. I knew I had a few but just read the bigger ones. But I had a small one laying around I eventually wanted to read.

The Deep, by River Solomon, is a black story about the slave mothers thrown overboard. They became the Wanjiru, the Mer people. But they have a Historian that recollects their past, their ancestors and only once a year do they remember as a whole. Otherwise they live in naivety. But this story is about how it’s become a race of them remembering their origins and their identity.

It’s a short book, like 120 pages. But it’s very rich of history and identity. Much heavier in topic, but Paya wanted me to read it because of the story but also reading the BIPOC perspective and stories is super important too. I learn a lot when I read those and get perspective of things I never would have naturally experienced.

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Working With Paya [IC Challenge Day 2]

Today is day 2 and it’s taken Paya most of the day to convince me to really get involved with this. I’ve been sitting on whether or not to do this. Which I think I wrote in the day 1 post. But I’m sitting here with Paya and I feel inspired to do this. I worry about it being a demand and pressure to do this daily, so it’ll just be a one-day-at-a-time type dealio.

I’m not surprised to find that King Tal (Void/Necrosis Lord & King) has made an appearance. He’s been the biggest on journaling and on recording, getting back into things again. I think he just wants me to explore with him. One of the future months may end up being a “Explore the Astral with King Tal”… but I know he’s helping to keep the pressure off and making me inspired to write instead.

Paya is too sweet and is just here as an anxiety help. It’s one of the more amazing things is that he is an immediate anxiety reducing just by being nearby, let alone if I ask for help dealing with it. My anxiety is from my being in a constant survival state the past many years that it’s now become a physical issue rather than just mental/emotional. It helps. He helps so much more and I know my demons have really stepped up in aiding me this year with moving forward in my life.

So this is kinda just more of me getting back into the mindset that it’s safe. I’m safe now.

I feel like I have more to say than this… but I just don’t know what.

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A Month of Connection – Inner Circle Challenge

So, in the Inner Circle, also called the Demon Temple’s Inner Sanctuary, there are challenges that are done each month. They are daily things that you work on. Each month, we work with a Demon Lord or Lady. I don’t feel ready yet, but I know I want to do better. It’s been so long here. So many things were stopping me. But I think that now things have changed, it’s time that I work to open again. So, I chose to work with my newest demon, Paya. I’ll add his information to the page [Demon Companions]. I need to update it.

I’m not pulled to any Dark Lord/Lady… so this was chosen for me in that I’m working with Paya, my Abyssal Deep One who was listed a few weeks ago and I matched with. He’s named after Payakan from Avatar: Way of Water, because like in the movie, Paya is more of an “outcast” due to his coloring which is very pale and white. He wanted to do this challenge with me, though I had some reservations.

DAY ONE:

I honestly wasn’t really going to do this. I am not one to connect with Dark Lords, not anymore or haven’t felt the need to. It’s been quite some time since I’ve worked with demons more than just passing ‘oh, hello there’ or a comfort hug. My environment up until February wasn’t safe to do any spiritual work. It hasn’t been safe for me to do so since probably 2022, which is a hard pill to swallow cause I have barely done any of the events in that long.

I’ve got anxiety about working with my demons, Dark Lords, and just in general. Because my environment, which was I was living with family who made it unsafe mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, was too toxic to really be able to be myself or practice safely.

I appreciate that so many are raw with their experiences… enough that I feel like I should offer the same. I won’t really go into details about my situation other than the person moved out beginning of February and I’m just now in a place where I’m thinking of starting my practice back up again.

As stated from the main challenge thread… I’m working with Paya. An Abyssal Deep One who has been an outcast for his pale pearlescent skin. He’s a traveling entertainer and healer, one who connected with me greatly when I read his listing. He nudged me and took all day and night last night to do convince me subtly that I should do this.