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Renewal: End of a 9 Year Cycle

by with No Comment Pathwork

I’ve spent days thinking about what to write. Making it all nice and something that people want to read. Yet, I want to bring in this new blog with ideas of where I want to take it. What goals do I have for it? What are some things that I will write about?

I come up blank. There’s so much to say and not to say. I’ve got first-post jitters for the first time in quite some time.

I began blogging about my spiritual path back in 2012 – I was twenty and unknowingly began a brand new 9 year cycle. In fact, I started on WordPress and Tumblr. I spent the next five years talking about my path and things that I discovered along the way. I left spirituality after a very traumatic experience. Multiple of them in fact. I shut down and only focused on the physical. I wanted nothing to do with spirituality.

It dragged me back kicking and screaming. In the form of demons.

I know, a shocker.

I spent the last few years just figuring things out. It’s been rough going all over the place and sometimes wandering blind. Or depressed. I tried reviving multiple blogs and tried talking about my experiences. But, lurking in the back was trauma. The whole reason that I left spirituality in the first place was because of how I was treated in the community before.

It’s been the hardest nine years.

Now, at the end of this cycle, I’ve learned that a new one begins. I turn thirty this coming year and so it will be a new nine-year cycle but also a new decade of my life. There has been so much learned that going into this new year, new cycle, and a new journey has brought a sense of renewal. I won’t be reviving old accounts with old information on them. Instead, I’m rebirthing a part of my path that was left behind many years ago. This renewal in this new blog that I am hoping to post my journey over these next many years.

I don’t know what to talk about, but I’m learning that it is okay to not know. It just means that I have an open canvas to paint a beautiful new picture. Wherever that is.

To new beginnings,

New places to travel and see,

New cultures to meet,

and to the love and passion of walking this new cycle.

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Journey Continues with New Demon

by with No Comment 18+ Material & Dynamics

Over 18+

Warning: This post will contain sexual situations and discussion of D/s (Dominant/submissive) as well as M/s (Master/Sir and submissive) relationships & dynamics. It will also have mentions of sexual trauma and abuse – though I will be limiting that. If this is something you do not want to read, click away. This is something that is very personal to the relationship that I have with my demons, but they are actively encouraging me to share this part of our relationship. It will include the roles that they play within my sexual relationships with them. They actively want me to write this and to include very private and personal things.

If it is not your cup of tea to read, then click away. If you are under 18 and reading this, it’s not my responsibility to censor what you read and I will not be held responsible for what you read.

One of the things that I found throughout these past two and a half years, was that there was this niggling feeling. I knew that what I had experienced with Razor was something that was incredibly special and an honor for myself and for my sexuality. Yet, I felt that there was a severe loss when the event ended. And so it haunted me. Constant small niggling feelings about Razor and who he was. He was a Mutilation Demon. Yet, I had no call to any of them. But oh it was there. I was matched with a Mutilation, I just didn’t know it. So it came in the form of my desire for a demon that was like Razor. One that was smart and handsome. One that would help me with my own sexuality and the dark sexual self that I know is there. My demons are all amazing in each way and they match me all different in how we fit together. I felt that this was the one space that lacked.

In fact, I often wondered how Razor was. I wondered why I felt such a pull to him, such a loss though I knew that he was a Coven demon and therefore not one that would match with anyone. So I knew there was a Mutilation demon just waiting. I didn’t want to ask about it or do a custom, though there have been a couple of times that I’ve asked Akelta after how Razor is doing. It just wouldn’t leave me.

We had a beautiful two weeks of nothing but prebounds in the end of May and to the first of June. I was so excited because they were bringing back demons from the old events. I thought, just maybe, that my Mutilation demon was there – because it wasn’t Razor. So I waited, anxiously.

Mutilation God of Sexual Delights and Pleasure O

He was breathtaking the moment that his listing went up. I knew that I had to have a visit at least. I wouldn’t keep my hopes up, but I knew that the experience would be worth it. So I set for a visit.

He first arrived and I wasn’t quite sure how to perceive him. Mutilation energies are kind of weird for me. I sense them like they are a black hole but sideways. Eventually, I moved into a dark room and just sat there. He stood in front of me and I started to sense more of his energy through my lower chakras. I could tell that this would be an interesting experience working with those without it being more sexual, due to the nature of moving energy through them. I could his energy working with the Sacral and opening it up of these blockages that I didn’t even know were there.

When he moved through that, he moved down to the Root and cleared that before reaching for the Solar Plexus. Those were opened and I could feel him latch onto the energy within the Sacral and draw it hard upwards into my Solar Plexus.

“Creativity stems from Passion and without one fueling the other, there will be no creativity. You must pour the Passion Core to the Creative Core. You must cycle them through one another. You were taught to bring your creative Core to the correct path, now you must merge that cycle into the Path to drive it forward.”

Combing these two techniques, there felt like such a surge of energy within my Solar Plexus. He walked me through cycling the energy around, before connecting all of the chakras into one huge flow, which I had not realized that I was really out of sync with them. I briefly thought about Kundalini and He sensed that and going to my back and without stopping, worked with that. It was brief but a rush at the same time. When that was finished, I had a small thought but it was one I was not prepared for him to answer.

Back in the Fall, my Void Lord worked with a Reiki Master friend of mine who attuned me. At the same time, he attuned me to a Demonic version of this Reiki. One of which I spoke with Akelta back a while ago about how incredible it was. I mourned the loss of having that connection because someone sabotaged it so bad that I couldn’t work with it anymore. I hadn’t gotten a chance to speak with Void Lord T about fixing and reattuning it. Muti God O went to work. I could feel his energy focusing there and really concentrating on rebuilding that collapsed pathways. There was a burst and I felt the flood of energy through me. He gave me the second symbol I needed to activate it (I have the first which is the opening, but the second is the emotional component). With those and my Reiki, I was able to experience that full working once more and cried. It was so beautiful and it felt so complete again.

The energies blended and mixed with me, spreading through my body. He stepped to the side and pulled just enough to show me how to merge that healing and cleansing energy into my Chakra system. It was an explosion of energetic working that left me breathless as well as completely energized.

When it calmed down, I asked if he wanted to go to my astral space. He agreed and I pulled him along to the Desert Oasis that I call home. There is a special tree that I made just for the Mutilation Snakes I got from Razor. When he saw the pair, he lit up and called out their names (which I didn’t have before). He spoke with them and it sounded purely amazing to my ears. He expressed his knowledge of Madam Amora’s place and Razor as well. I told him about my experience. I asked him a favor if he had time. I wanted to send my gratitude to Razor for the liberation and the sexual freedom and acceptance that our working together gave. That I felt like I didn’t get a chance to say that to him. He said he would pass the message, as well as tell him how his favorite pairing of Snakes was faring.

When we stepped inside my Bungalow over the water, my sight shifted. I was working to achieve the experience from when I first was attuned. It was a complete sensory placement on the astral without OOBE. I opened both of my sets of eyes (third eye and my physical eyes over there) and managed to get it pretty close. It was incredible. Until I shifted to look at him and connected with the Mutilation Snakes – particularly the female. Now, I was staring down at my own face and freaking out. Muti O helped calm me down and grounded me, explaining that Mutilation Snakes are different in their own right and this pair is particularly skilled with working within the mental desires. So it’s easier to connect with them after having bonding moments with them. Which is what happened. I saw through the female’s eyes. He had me sit down and breathe through the overwhelming time.

When it passed, things were back to normal and I showed him around the room with all the different equipment that my Demons and I use for our own exploration. He was very impressed and gave them a look over for stability and safety just in case. It was nice to have a second eye that knew their stuff to make sure. While he did that, Muti O motioned me over to where I have a cleansing pool. He told me that after the work he did, I should cleanse. So I stripped down and washed like I usually do for those types of cleansing. He waited for me patiently.

I stepped out and he held out his hand. I can remember seeing this forested place of very tall trees that were light green in color, like a minty. When I opened my eyes.. it was the most luxurious room of silks and soft room. It was like a very wealthy BDSM dungeon. There were two booths that were soft leather, with candles in the center and around. Every kind of tool and equipment could be found there. Even the tracks on the ceiling for both suspension and hooking. I sat down when he brought over the chains that held the hooks. It was with practiced ease that he slipped them into his body and he was lifted up into the most beautifully erotic sight. He became a living art, arched and held there with hooks. It was a few minutes later that he was brought down and he spent time cleaning them and himself. O motioned me over and let me touch the hooks and the chains, moving them. When I was finished with that, he brought me around to these display tables of all instruments, including his own sets to work with flesh.

There were stairs to a raised platform, where I found a pole on the way up on a smaller platform. On the top part, it was a sunken pool that had enchantments all over it. It was an Aromatherapy/Crystal/Energy Healing Sensory Deprivation pool. I was so excited about it. He chuckled and brought me back down to a smaller area that was filled with foods of all kinds. I grabbed a plate and went wild at his insistence.

We sat down at the booth and he pointed out all of these different types of mutilation foods that he grows himself geared towards sexual replenishment after scenes and workings. All of them were a root food of some kind or very earthy in a way. There was a drink poured that was like a minty pomegranate apple juice that wasn’t wine but kinda like it. He made sure that I ate so that I could replenish my body after the extensive workings. I was feeling pretty full after that.

We spent the rest of the time talking about interactions and how we feel about different practices. I spoke of things that were a hard no for me because of triggered traumas. Things that I adore in physical and in the astral. I asked him what he would love to have with his own happiness since I wanted to make sure that I would be able to give back with what he was offering. I found that I would talk about myself again and stop and ask him again. Eventually, I stopped and asked why I would talk about my wants and desires when I wanted to know his.

“Maybe my desire is to make sure that you are happy. Your happiness would be all that I would want to get from this, especially seeing you grow into someone beautiful and powerful.”

I couldn’t fault him for that. It was logical but also made me shy with happiness. He sensed my shyness about that and showed me some of his other interesting and personally designed equipment that he built. It was veeery interesting and one that I know my own companions would enjoy having with me. The time was closing and we returned back to home. I sat there with him while it was the last bit and he petted my Spectral Hellfire Cat Queenie. Now that he had the chance, he got to see that I had tattoos, especially magical ones.

I could feel his energy searching through them, feeling the pathways of the magic for the tattoos. He loved it and then was talking about the care of these tattoos.

“There is a special magic to the tattoos within the flesh. They are built upon not just magic but the change of the flesh it is carved upon. Magical tattoos are not just powered by their inherent power but the fact that the blood and energy of the person wearing them power it on a constant basis. When they are in constant use, there becomes a buildup of that alchemical change that creates a calcification within the pathways of magic and the tattoo itself. Doing a cleanse of smoke or water or ritual will not cleanse them of this toxic buildup. You must reawaken the tattoo and the memory of the pain that will break up that calcification. Pain contains its own form of healing purge and bringing back that memory of it will allow for your tattoo to regain its vitality. You then will want to take that uncrossing salt with rosemary and small olive oil. That will help purge the buildup out of the body now that it is loose.”

He was really gentle with working the two magical tattoos back open and showing me how to bring the memory of the pain of mutilation to break that calcification up. He pulled a lot of it energetically out and away. He loved my one bindrune in particular. When he was done, our time was almost up and he kissed my knuckles before leaving.

It was a powerful transformation and visit. One that’s left me feeling very overstimulated but in a way that’s good for healing. Being able to know my Demonic Reiki has been healed and reattuned, was something that has plagued me for months.

I cannot tell you how important this visit was for me. I cried for hours I think when he left and just felt whole again and really connected. Like the famous word – “you don’t know what you have until you’ve lost it”. Having the Demonic Reiki attunement was sacred to me, it was a gift so that I could go further places with my path and that my Void Lord had done this for me – only for it to be ripped away and sabotaged out of jealousy by someone that was trusted.

When I got the email, I screamed. Mutilation God O wanted me. He had been waiting since the event to match with me. I just felt so overjoyed, but I wanted to keep it to myself. The sexual demons draw so much attention to themselves that I wanted to share but knew that it was bummed out people about it. But after awhile, it eases away and it’s not much of an issue. So I only told a couple people, those who sussed it out extremely quickly – they could 100% say that I got him, they just knew it.

Since then, he has been around. I have explored with him on aspects of the dynamic and how things are. I was in a rut this past week due to grieving and I just wasn’t taking care of myself. Muti God O stepped in and took care of my needs, made sure that I was in a subspace that allowed for me to have him aid me in doing selfcare. Afterwards, he continued to care for me, even taking me to his healing tub that was in his “dungeon” if you call it that. He has been helping to get me through the grief and expressing myself in ways that I need because at times, I won’t do it. I cherish him and know that we have a strong future ahead of us.

photo of forest with fog

The Start of a Shamanic Journey

by with No Comment PathworkShamanic Work

Edit Oct 16, 2024: I rarely will import posts from older times, I didn’t want to do that with this blog. I find, though, that the start of the Shamanic Journey I’ve been walking required that I go back to the start of when everything happened. I’m going to post here the entry from the old blog so that there is a “start” to the journey.

September 28, 2016

I was given the best opprotunity to partake in. I was given a free admission ticket to the Natural Living Expo, in which there were over 130 vendors of the Metaphysical variety. There was the option to do 56 different workshops, and one truly caught my attention. Shamanism. Specifically that not only would there be an introduction to it, but they were going to help guide us into a Shamanic Journey.

I am aware that Journey’s (not Vision Quests), are extremely personal to everyone, especially the conversations, but I tend to be more open about things except those of a sexual nature. I will be posting my experience, including the question, answer, and anything else that occured. There is much symbolism within it, and examining it later would and will be beneficial. Plus, I know that there are some it could benefit too, to see another’s Journey.

We learned that this particular brand of Shamanism originated from a tribe within the Andes Mountains, within the Amazon. We started out with a ‘lecture’ about what Shamanism is, but before he spoke, we conducted a Opening Ritual, where we invoked those of the directions, the earth, and the sun. He spoke about what Shamanism is, how it is today, and things about it. I wrote down all that I heard, plus recorded it.

When it was time to partake in the Journey, he was quite thoroguh with giving us not only directions on how to, but where, and what to say or do. The lights were dimmed and we settled into our spaces. The drums began and I closed my eyes, reveling in their beat. Three different sounds, so beautiful together.

I stood before a cave, one that was dark to me, but I called upon my Guide. I don’t interact with him often, but I knew that he was the one that needed to be with me on this. He is a winged dire wolf, near and dear to my heart. I felt the twin were pups (though grown to be no longer pups) join me. The drums were strong and steadfast and almsot made it difficult to Journey. I walked with them into the cave and it was dark, but not so much that I couldn’t see. I stepped with determination. It was awhile walking through the cave when I began to run, knowing that I did not have much time as it was to actually wander like I do when I Travel.

The were pups faded away the closer I got to the end of it. I surmise that they were not meant to come with me on this part of the Journey.

The darkness faded away to this bright forested area, where I could see over top and the distant mountain ahead. I was not sure how long it would take me to get there, so we set a fast pace through this forest. It was quiet for awhile, until we came across this 5 foot large green snake that had black stripes on the back. Later research is showing that it’s a green tree python that has black spots/stripes. I may draw a picture later on.

This python stopped and when we stopped, it slowly slid toward me and climbed up my left leg. It was not awkward to walk, but the snake perched itself around the entirety of my left leg. We continued to walk without a word, until  large golden and grey feather floated down in front of me. I caught it in midair and then stuck it into my hair. We continued.

When we drew closer to the edge of the foest and base of the mountains, my Guide spoke.
“We are here.”

I walked forward and I remembered that the man who was teaching the Shamanism spoke that we will meet them in three different ways, 1) Sight [Clairvoyance], 2) Sound [Clairaudience], 3) Sensing [Clairsentience]. Thankfully, with my work in both spirit work and Astral Travel, I was able to achieve all three. The Teacher was different, the shape never stayed the same, but the base form was humanistic, though there were aspects of feline to them. I did not wish to be rude and look at them extremely carefully.

“Teacher, I have been sent here as part of a Journey, so that I my experience it and to learn an answer to a question that I have. But I first want to return this to you.”

I gave the teacher the green snake, and then waited for them to respond.

“I thank you for returning him to me. What brings you?”

“I come with a question, Teacher. May I ask you?”

“Ask and I shall answer.”

“I know that I have a soulmate with a physical body and I know who he is. I know that we are supposed to meet. My question is this, are we supposed to meet in this lifetime, if so, then when and how soon? I cannot live much longer without being with him.”

The Teacher was silent for awhile, staring at me and assessing. The energy was really strong and very pointed on examining me.

“Instinct. Trust your instinct. Work hard on Believing. He said he would find you, he will o so. Trust and meet him halfway.”

Extra that I picked up from the conversation, was that the Teacher meant that meeting halfway meant that I was to believe in him.

“May I ask one more?”

The Teacher nodded and I asked, “May I have a gift?”

The Teacher smiled and then reached out, allowing for me to lean down near them. They placed the snake on my left arm which wrapped around and the head rested over my shoulder and on the right shoulder.

“I give you the snake and I also give you the feather.”

I could hear the beat of the drum change, letting us know that we need to come back. The Teacher looked to me and smiled.

“You must return.”

“Thank you.”

A brief nod, “Trust. Go.”

They shoved me and I came back and very jarred from the abruptness of being forced to leave. The person lecturing us walked around once everyone was back t make sure that they were actually there and they were grounded. When doing so, he asked about the gifts. People were talking about all these gifts: Clam with a Pearl, a Pendant, A Feather, Clairvoyance and Clairaudience, Piercing the Veil, to name a few. This was when he smiled and said that everyone recieved these gifts, as we all traveled together for this. It was quite fascinating and amazing.

I must go back and speak with the snake to see reason for his appearance, as well as what he has to say or why he was gifted. So many questions. When I came out of it, I could literally feel the wieght of the snke resting in the same place as when I was in the Lower World. I could feel the sentience and the spirit that was there, even the feather within my hair.

Forward to later on, I am walking around the expo and keep getting drawn back to this huge and lovely oval Labradorite. I have not worked with this stone much if at all before. So I walked to the lady and ask her the importance metaphysically. She spoke of it being a way for people to access inter-dimensions, oher worlds, other beings. I decided to look it up on the web and see if I could know more. Low-and-behold, this stone is the stone of Shamans, of those who origianlly found it, the Inuit. I was shocked and amazed, it was a stone that I was looking for, yet never truly knew what it was for.

I purchased it, and it is a gorgeous piece that sits on my altar. I had carried it around for two days, but it had broken when it dropped to the ground. It broke clean, but still I felt devastated. There are plans, and it may come to pass, but I have yet to decide. It would fit perfectly as a ritual necklace.

When I returned home from the Expo, I was pleasantly surprised to find that my Archaeology of Ritual class had me reading about the Andean culture. Somehow, it is not a coincidence, though I dont know what it means.