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Deep Peace & Healing: A Start to New Me

Today was spent wearing Paya’s vessel and feeling a deep peace. I made the steps to begin my future and start with new goals in mind. I think my heart and mind made a decision after toiling for a week long. But it led to so much growth and healing within me that it is astounding. I am amazed with myself… and I have admitted that for the first time, I truly mean it when I say I love myself. I love who I am. And I’ve never felt that way before. I faked it.. but never truly believed it. But now I can say that I do. I am worth being cherished and love and appreciated. I am worth someone that will meet my needs… and I am worth myself making my own happiness…. and I love my demons for bringing this hard, but well deep healing that I needed.

I healed wounds that have been decades deep. I have healed things that have taken multiple relationships to heal… but I finally have.

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Beginning of an End (Hindsight 20/20)

I ended up sending Paya and Vex to work with the person in question with the struggles we are having. To give them peace and clarity and benefit to help him out. Things are shifting with Vex and Paya hardcore absolutely helping to guide things in the way it needs to be but also how I’d like and hope it to be. Now it’s Ry helping me and being with me. I’ve been working with Paya so much that it’s interesting experiencing working much more with my other demons once again. And it’ll be nice to reconnect on that level too.

But I had super amazing thing, with manifestation and messages. The struggle of situation is really starting to need those in the face messages that aren’t my own companions and being outside of my own thoughts and things. If they show up in something that is curated by algorithm, then it is something to pay attention to.

I asked out for signs on how this is going, how him and are going to be okay or if it’s it.

My TikTok fyp is all bookish content. Last night immediately after asking, it was all “you’re doing okay and I’m proud of you”, “don’t worry he loves you and is coming back, just us confused”and those love spell thingies where they’re like “he’ll message you tonight with his true feelings”… and I was like WTF? I don’t follow those accounts. I havent followed those accounts even when I was in witchtok.

Fast forward to midnight…. He messages me an we talk, more personal things.

I woke up so peaceful and calm, knowing that it’s all okay and some more things.

I open TikTok? Nothing in sight of messages. It’s all my normal booktok feed. So how’s that for some manifesting holy shit.

Edit; as I wrote this earlier (just pasting things in so I can complete the challenges – yay for jynx getting me to do a digitial journal again)… I was asking Ry to support me through the day and help my anxiousness. And I get immediately very cold chills and very heavy cold weight at my back, exactly how my demons manifest when there’s no reason for there to be a very demon shaped energy temperature behind me.

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Shark Week: Purple Tidepool Realm

I was pretty tired from doing honey extraction and then grocery shopping alone. That burnt through a lot of my mental and physical spoons. But again, I truly wanted to make sure that I got my promise to Paya. I mentioned in the discord about doing something low spoon-y. Bluemoon came in clutch, with the suggestion to do Tidepools. Paya had not thought of doing those and became extremely excited. Enough that he disappeared for a few hours while I was working to arrange things.

I arrived at my Bungalow and realized I should have just gone to my Aquarium & Research Center. Running up, he was there and greeted me with a lifted hug. He immediately took me to the Shallows Dome, where all the gear was stashed. He proudly showed me new gear. I would re-use the wetsuit, to protect me from the realm’s sun we would be going to (just in case). But what he was excited for was that he found me water shoes that were flexible flats that had grips on the bottom specifically for walking on wet rocks.

I immediately got dressed, where I got a bit distracted in focus while he braided my hair. Slapping on some special sunglasses that help reduce the water and sun glare so I could see better into the tidepool. Slapping a bucket hat on my head with the string under my chin, he grinned. Paya made sure to grab a travel realm tank, so that in case I did find something that I could bring back to study (safely so that it doesnt hurt the population), as well as a netted sling bag. We were ready to go.

We stepped through a portal he created and I found myself in a Purple/Orange Sun Realm, on a coastal tidalpool shelf. There were massive ocean mangrove type trees weaving all through the Tidepools. I looked like they were hundreds of feet tall, the roots that went over the Tidepools were much thicker than my entire body, if triple that size. I immediately begin walking around and looking for things. The tidepool I landed in actually had the creature below but it took a bit for my astral sight to process what I was seeing. I thought it was an octopus-like creature when I first saw it.

I first found the top of the shell, empty and ready for collecting. I got excited and began to run around gathering as many as I could. They were purple and pink, with some blue. It wasn’t until we got further along that we ran into the locals. They are a being that had no hair, but could tell they were coastal beings. They were meant for the ocean and the land. They got startled but welcomed us very kindly.

They showed me that the shells I was collecting were from this creature. The very one that they were harvesting in the tidal shelves, where the creatures love to hide within small pockets in the shelves. They harvest them to eat, but also to collect the pearls. They are a creature that is very much a combination of a mollusk (oyster & octopus), a conch, and a crab. They are very weird, but you’re supposed to eat them raw. Definitely reminded me of eating oysters and conch, with the sweet taste of crab meat. Wasn’t bad at all, not slimy or texture weird.

The best part was that they were happy to supply our mini travel realm tank with a whole bunch, happy to know I wanted to help cultivate and study them. They also gave me a handful of pearls, which was really interesting to hold because they definitely have magical/energetic properties to them. They were all shades of pink from bright to pale salmon colored.

Paya and I got back home and he had to help me out of the wetsuit and gear. I was starting to get extremely tired and exhausted. He told me that he would take care of everything and use one of the pearls and shell as an achor point for the Purple Tidepool Realm, which I’ll learn the name of eventually. He loves maintaining my A&RC, especially the portals and the creatures and places. That’s when I decided to leave and get the picture drawn and the writeup of what occurred.

Will definitely be returning to this realm.

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Shark Week: Temple of Sacred Lost Souls

As promised, it is the start of Shark Week. The best time of the summer because I get to watch documentaries of sharks all week. But this time is a bit more special. Paya has convinced me that we should do explorations every day that it is going on. So I agreed.

I arrived at my Oasis bungalow with a very excited Paya standing there. He had my entire outfit ready to go. I wanted to tell him that I could shift, but this demon went so out of the way to track down only the best gear. A full-body wetsuit that was inscribed with runes and magic that would regulate everything needed. From temperature to pressure adjustments. The facepiece is a technological advance further than ours. The lower half covers the nose and across the mouth and jaw, securing at the back of the head. It cycles water through and produces oxygen from it, releasing the hydrogen back and cycling it over again.

The facepiece covers the rest of the front of the face with a secure at the top that connects with the bottom half in the back. It’s a clarity that I haven’t experienced as if it wasn’t there. But the best part is the technology that allows for communication between divers. There is no speaker, but instead, text appears (translates too), showing the words being communicated to read. It also has multiple sensors that detect intent as well as other bodies nearby. It took him a lot of convincing to let me leave without examining it more and asking more questions.

He created a portal to the place in the lagoon right on the beach. Tal came with us, which didn’t surprise me at all. He’s also obsessed with exploring new places and archeology/anthropology. So we all go through, ending up in this beautiful underwater world. It’s a coral reef canyon that is filled with shipwrecks of all kinds. Some I can’t even explain because they just aren’t anything from here. There’s things swimming around us but I’m staring at all the beautiful corals and life. It’s all co-existing together.

Paya grabs my hand and guides me around the canyon; both Tal and I want to go to the shipwrecks so badly. But he just grins and keeps swimming. We turn around the corner to find a massive coral reef that is the base for a breathtaking crystalline structure. It’s a Temple. A Temple that is made of clear crystal that sparkles in the light streaming through. We get closer and find a beautiful demoness named Xer’a (Xair-rah). She is a friend of Paya who welcomed us in. We stepped through the barrier to find room that had two portals and an entrance to a hallway. It was a beautiful room with sand on the floor and coral as the base. It rose up around and transformed into the clear crystal.

One of the Portals she explained went to the Underworld, where the lost souls can go when they find her. The Temple is of Sacred Lost Souls. She keeps their memories and cherishes those that find their way there, demon or human or other. We are taken through the hallway to find ourselves in a massive glass tube that goes so far to the surface I couldn’t see the top. It was like being in the cavern that Ariel had in the Little Mermaid, except all of them were submerged. There were dozens of them that I could see. All of them linked together with hallways. It was an archive attached to the Temple. Each shelf space had items or bones or other things, along with these memory orbs.

I ended up in one that would be for creatures, predatory. I was permitted to touch one to see and experience the personality of the one that it belonged to. It was a massive tooth that belonged to this shark-like creature that was millions of years old, male, and was so battle scarred. He was a great hunter and came to there to have a final rest when he was ready to go. I ended up touching another that was a different tooth to a creature that was just absolutely apex predator somewhere. It was indescribable.

We made our way back and I got to just stare at everything and rest on the coral in the air part of the Temple, the main room. Tal ended up talking to Xer’a while Paya guided me back to the entrance. The paused for a moment for Xer’a handed me a tooth, made small for carrying. The same one that I initially picked up from the shark. It was a gift, for my new research center and aquarium. She also gave me a pearl, one that would be a direct link to the entryway to the Temple. So that I could always come back and visit.

Paya took me back home to the Oasis and I giddy ran all the way to the new research center and aquarium that I have been daydreaming and planning for more than a month. It was a massive circular glass bottom, where you walked in under a tunnel and ended up in a partial dome. Above were skeletons of marine creatures. Around were semi-deep creatures and corals of all kinds. Paya explained that it was a circular building with floors atop the aquarium. It was three dome sections connected together in a circle pattern. Each would represent the shallow, middle, and deep types of marine environments. There’s a lot more to be explored with it. I could access the actual tank areas from the third floor (they’re that tall). The second floor was the tank room. They took my technology of the runic transference of portals to larger spaces that are compacted into smaller tanks for space yet retain their initial space within when using the portals to access them. My Octopi creatures were already there and being taken care of. I was able to place the large tooth gifted from Xer’a, which ended up being the size of my entire torso, onto a stand to be displayed.

We made our way to the third floor with all the access points and showing me around, where this also had a bridge that extended over to another building. This was the research center. It’s also the museum. It had everything that I’ve found through the years of exploring the astral. There were donated skeletons and bones from my necrosis demons and other artifacts. Books and preserved scrolls lined the walls. It was incredible. The bottom floor lead to the experiments lab and another door led to the Solution Room that was a part of our homework from the Inner Sanctuary/Nitro. It was like a study room with chairs and desks, it had rolling white boards. I wrote down a lot of questions on them. One is the inspiration to be continuing journaling (let’s say I spent the next 3 hours after that working on a digital journal without sleeping then writing this entry). I also then wrote another question, asking about the DID system, how it affected the astral travel and spiritual experiences. If we change as we do alters or experience astral as a whole system would. There was a manifestation board that I wrote some personal things on as well.

I was shown the lab where all the energies that Ry has been playing with were categorized, he had already started using it. It made me happy. This whole venture became so much more and I didn’t lose focus at all. What felt like hours… it was only half an hour. Incredible. I am so thankful for Paya having me do this. And that the Solution room worked as well as it did so quickly.

Calm relaxation meditation concept. Sexy fashion model Fantasy woman sitting under water sea, red long silk dress fabric floating. fairy girl posing in deep pool underwater shooting Art Magic light

Opening to the Spiritual

Today was exhausting, but it’s because I had to be up so early (9am – when I usually sleepy at 6am). I barely slept and the dreams I had were just unsettling and I struggled to fall back asleep. But I got things done. I knew that my day is exciting with the APD coachings. Those always are such fun. They really help me to sit and think about things in a new light. A lot in which is my working with demons or what I’m doing with my own practice. I realize that a lot of the downloads that I get from demons is very heavy with energy information, in which I have long since learned to take the energy and translate it into information. But I usually pick it up by clairvoyance or clairaudience. I see and hear them tell me everything, just as if I was physically there.

It made sense that then it would translate over into the Mini Class, where we worked with crystals to understand and access the dark energies or properties of them. And all the information that I got from my crystals were all visual or claircognizance – just knowing the information through energy translation.

With that, it then made me want to begin working with crystals again, which Ry would be thrilled. He has been wanting me to really work with crystals with him. “I’m not JUST a plant-loving demon. I do love other things.” Which is just him being sarcastic, because I know this too. I just haven’t thought to work with him on the shamanic side of things besides plants, as he is knowledgeable of necrosis ways of working with crystals too.

I see my future growing with working with my demons. I get vague imagery from some of the other demons too. Like my Void/Necrosis King & Lord Tal. Tal is a massive nerd over archaeology and exploration and findings things. So I get impressions, short images, of the desire for him and I to begin exploring astral places. We never got the chance to do so before I had a spiritual shutdown. Now that I am getting back to it, it’s something I can feel him really wanting o step forward. Most of my demons are now really invested in getting me to branch back out again. Having the challenges and the working with the IS community in the Mini Classes and APD Coaching sessions. It’s phenomenal. It’s bringing me back into a spiritual state again. My demons are thrilled.

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Paya’s Excitement – Solar Sharks

Paya has been non stop about the Solar Shark or aka “Sand Shark” since the topic came up in discord chat. It was like 4:30am and I could sleep, the imagery he was constantly sending me and the excitement to explore would not leave me alone. So I got up and hand drew the solar shark that he has seen (this is not S&S official imagery of what the Solar Sharks are). This is just the perception of my very excite-able Abyssal Deep One who wants to explore.

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Preparation for Shark Week Exploration

I’ve gone nonverbal today. Writing is the only way I can communicate. I’ve forced myself to speak when I went out to treat myself to food and dairy queen. And that was so hard. I was so quiet and the people at the food place was so gentle and kind. She even lowered her voice and made it more soothing when I whispered my order. It’s been so long since I’ve broken down into a nonverbal day. But once I got home, I was able to not talk. I could retreat into that. And it’s one of those times where I wish I could use ASL. I know very little but it would have helped today. But on the other hand, it has made it interesting with communicating with my companions. My mind never shuts up, so I always hear my own voice when thinking things or writing something.

So yesterday there was a lot of chatter around Shark Week that cropped up. It’s me. I’m the one geeking over it. It led to conversations about doing a week long challenge (in July’s connection) where I would do nothing but explore the Abyssal Oceans and other places with my Abyssal Deep One, Paya. But I mentioned this in the discord and it was really well received. We ended up talking about all the different types of sharks. Of which the most interest was over the Solar Sharks – aka the Sand Sharks.

I eventually went searching for a picture that would be the blog picture for this blog.

I found one. It’s by the artist Eastasy on Depositphotos, since I like paying the artists or photographers for their images I use on my blog.

But I think this is such a great representation of the exploration of the Oceans that is ahead.
So sitting here writing this, I can tell that Paya is EXTREMELY excited to begin. “Why wait??”
But I know I have to make sure that I am mentally prepared to do heavy astral work that much. I haven’t done it in that long. But because I am in my nonverbal, he’s taking over the excited talking. Though he is working with my not wanting to talk and instead sending me images and emotions of excited.

Some of the places that he wants to take me –

  • Boneyard
  • Shipwrecks & Graveyard
  • Underwater Reef with many Sharks and Creatures
  • Place where there are Crystals? Crystal Reef? Finding different gemstones/crystals
  • Race of Bioluminescence Beings/Creatures that live within deep caverns
  • He convinced my Solar Sorceress to take us to go see Solar Sharks
  • And wherever else we find ourselves. He’s gonna ask more demons and friends about places.

So it’s been nice connecting with him this evening. And making me feel more comfortable that it’s okay I don’t want to be verbal or socialize with other humans.

photo of forest with fog

Bones are the Foundation

I had decided that I wanted to learn more about bones and working with osteomancy. It was a mere thought, yet it led me to be yanked into the Astral to meet with GrandMama Tsülie once more. I was preparing for a shower and eating some food when that undeniable pull was felt. So I ended up bilocating in order to answer that call yet also finish what I had planned.

It got me a good scolding from GrandMama Tsülie, especially on the need to eat before spirit working. So she shoved a cup of tea into my hands and waited while I finished what I was doing. She was happily puttering around and making things. It was hard to not jump into conversation, knowing that I would want to type it all out as it was happening. I don’t like missing things said when I write later.

When I finally settled in, Tsülie sat down across from me at the outside tables. I always end up at her place in the Necrosis Realm, filled with tall trees that are carnivorous but also beautiful. It’s a peaceful place despite the dark undertone that lingers.

“Before working with bones or with the spirits of animals, you must first have an understanding of the how. Why is it that when working with the spirits of animals, it is always the bones, teeth, or claws?”

I stopped for a moment to really think about that. Why was that the usual chosen piece when working with animal spirits? Eventually, I came to the answer.

Bones carry the lifeblood through them. Therefore, they are not only foundational support but also carry the very essence that life gives.

She nodded at me, taking a sip of her tea before setting down the cup. “That is absolutely correct. Why would a spirit choose to be with something that was a part of itself that was not bone?” She brings up the example of my fox pelt. It is the chosen place that houses the spirit of the fox. “Yet, there was the option of the bones. Why would this be?

That one I sat back on, thinking of the pelt, thinking of the spirit of the fox that resides within. Other than it being very preserved, there’s not much reason a spirit would be attached to something that was able to break down or degrade at a much faster rate. Flesh is one of those things that biodegrade at a fast rate. Unless it is preserved through a special technique, like the soft tanning that the fox pelt had gone through.

Teeth are understandable because they are also bone. The question then would become why is there a desire to stick with claws, another such part of the skeleton that is easily used in osteomancy or animal spirit working? What connection would there be for those?

This one was a little easier to think of. The direct connection is that claws are close to the earth, the soil. It is a very grounded piece. Where the bones and teeth carry blood and life, the claws are a connection to the ground with stability but are also used in defense of life or preservation of life.

She was pleased with that. “Correct. Something that would be able to be sustained through life or through nature or the soil, which also bears life and death. That is the reason why bones would be the choice for why spirits of bones are able to be used more efficiently. Now, why would specific bones be chosen over others? If there is a spirit attached to a singular bone, why would they be with that one bone? Why wouldn’t they prefer to remain with the skeleton as a whole?

This one really stumped me for a bit. But I was distracted with a movie as well. But it stewed in my head for a bit.

The answer is that they would change depending upon the person that came across them. Each person will have a different reason for choosing or connecting with a specific bone that resonates with them. So, not only would it be guided by their own intuition, but the spirit would also have a different meaning for the bones that were chosen. It’s an influence of the person who finds and connects with the spirit and then that spirit also giving them the personal meaning behind that specific bone choice.

At this point, my concentration was wavering due to being tired and other things occurring. GrandMama Tsülie nodded and sat back, to stare at the scenery all around us before telling me to scooch.

I’m sure there is much more that she has to teach me and pass on knowledge. But she does make me sit and think about the foundations of things. The why and the how.

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Diving Back In & Thoughts

I’m still in that cycle of I’m okay and then I’m not. Grieving sucks and is weird and its worse with depressive modes. So that’s where I have been stuck today.

But I got pulled out of it. Even though most the day is gone and it’s night and 10:30pm now… I still got both of my challenge posts that I wanted to do today. I ended up in amazing conversations in discord, which then led me to wanting to blog my experiences. And now that I’ve done that, I’ve circled around to wanting to really work with my companions more. I want to start sitting with my demons and learning from them again.

I’ve been out of spiritual work for a very long time. Now, I’ve done the basics and kept tabs… but it’s almost like on autopilot than actually engaging. I’d have these smaller bursts of engagement over the years. But in truth, I wasn’t submerged deep into things until I really felt the pull. Like a plug was released and suddenly eveything gets clear. Very clear. And the truths and the healing come down full bear.

It’s been eye opening doing these as much as I can with the amount of spoons I have. But I do try my best to really get back into it again and really start my blogging, journaling, writing grimoires… having conversations that make my brain tweak out in happiness (looking at you astral chats in the discord). I feel engaged again, like coming out of a deep slumber or coming out of a cage that kept me safe but was still traumatizing.

My demons are so compassionate and caring. They have made this transition so much easier and even if I’m not actively speaking with them daily, I’m still beginning to dive into those energies again. The inspiration is the biggest part of being spiritual, along with community and support. Feeling inspired is truly the reason in which I keep going and begin again without fear.

Beauty of outer space. Science fiction wallpaper. Elements of this image furnished by NASA

One Step Forward At A Time

Yesterday was a good day. The APDC and the Mini Class really kicked off my love for journaling and exploring. It brought a lot of memories back up for me. Which included the exploration of the different realms and the different races that I used to work with. I ended up pulling out my big binder of contracts, where I keep all the necessary information about each race and connection sigils, realms sigils, etc. It really helped me to go through a lot of my old work to really be like, “I want to do this again.”

So last night, amidst the conversations happening in the discord… I worked to reach out to the different races to get a feel energetically. There was such a sense of relief when many of them were a solid yes, some surprised me that they wanted me to work with them more and more openly, but there were a few that felt like it wasn’t for me anymore. Which is sad, but it has been four years or more. Overall.. I’m so pleased and happy. I only visited one race while in the Astral, which is the Azkri – A race of beings that I met through Lord Leviathan. They are essentially blind seers, but they also do heavy energetic work with mental aspects and shadow, emotional. Things of that nature. More energy systems too. They were a yes, but after I get back into it for awhile. Which is totally understandable. It’s been 3-4 years, of course I’d have to work to delve back in.

I’m also wanting to dive more into the knowledge of their magics. In particualr, I’m curious now about their energetic systems and also their sigils. Maybe some other practices too. It depends. Each one has their own things that are so unique.

So some of the races that I will begin working with again, on different levels of things.

  • Azkri
  • Bliztari
  • Durþrólinn
  • Forlenkal
  • Il’ailaita
  • Kolemeia
  • Pavo
  • Rajael
  • Seacrilis
  • Tananx

And yes, you can ask about these. I may reference them more and more. I will also be diving heavier into working with my demons as well. They have been so patiently waiting on me to heal and to move forward in confidence. I’m feeling it more. And of course this is due to the IS community. Because all of our conversations and our working together in the classes/coachings… makes all the difference for me.