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Paya Mail!

I received Paya’s vessel in the mail and just got to enjoy holding those energies closer. There wasn’t much done… but things started going really well. I got approved for two ARCs (advanced reader’s copies), of which one is a dragon book I’ve been dying to get my hands on. The next was that I ended up winning a giveaway for character art, signed bookplate, and bookmark from an author of a book I helped promo. Funny is that it’s a story about south-east asian mythology with dragons and other creatures. All of it is in a half-sunken city. So definitely a Paya related thing. I’m happy and even hitting a burnout, I enjoying my days of being more aware.

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An Odd Dream or Two

Today, my partner started his job (morning shift), which means that the late morning was mine to relax. I decided to spend some time with my Mutilation Sex God O and just be in those energies. It’s not often I have intimacy with my demons (RL stress, not because of partner)… After I decided to take a small nap to just reduce my stress and migraine.

I remember laying down and being told to rest, to sleep. I want to say it was Paya who held me while the energies of O were around too. I was fast asleep and deep into dreaming.

I remember this dream pretty clearly and how I felt. I remember the awkward of being in a camp and sharing showers in close quarters but that’s about it. But then it shifted. I was in a truck, smashed between my partner and another. The other was an old friend from childhood, who was my first love. I can recall smoothing my hand down my boyfriend’s arm – which has a very distinct feel… but my childhood friend was really close to me, wrapping his arm around me too.

Eventually it was me sinking down so that both of their arms were pressed against my face and feeling the warmth and love. Said other kept moving in closer and then ended up leaning across me to lean against my boyfriend’s arm to stare up at me,. He kissed the top of my head gently and then just shared space with my BF and I. Where I felt that my BF was a dream recall.. there was this vibrant energy and life to the other. I say other because I recognize that this was a face I knew and was comfortable with – but that it was someone else in my dreams. It had to be a companion. The sheer love and life energy I felt was different from everything else experienced.

But it had me thinking about it and wishing I could have that moment back. It was so comfortable and loved, a very strong feeling that I sometimes miss in my day to day life. Being surrounded and loved and protected. I need to connect more with my demons and see where they bring this.

(also noting that my partner and I have talked about polyamorous relationships and such, so it’s not me dreaming of an old crush – just that was the least alarming face recall.)

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A Little Exploration

I’ve been working more and more on trying to reconnect with the astral in the way that I used to. Not so much with the technique or energies, but more on a conscious awareness. I know that this is something that Paya wanted to work with me on. Releasing the old energies of trauma and fear that have accumulated from previous years.

I have called myself an Astral Anthropologist for the longest time because I loved to explore cultures, new realms, new beings and races, and so much more. I would explore ruins and gather information on cultures and people long gone, yet their written word and material items were left behind. It was something that I did on the regular. I even went through and began conjuring the races that I would work in close contact with.

Life and things happen, especially when other people are inserted into the equation. Jealousy is a toxic and pervasive energy that hurts even if you never realize it until much later. That’s where I slowly just stopped. I started to have experiences with others that made me fearful of astral traveling because their own actions cause trauma. And of course then living in a space where I felt unsafe contributed.

My demons have worked the last two years or so to really try to get me into a place where that trauma is healed and energies purged, moved forward. It wasn’t until I started getting these bursts of wanting to do things again that I realized that I just felt unsafe in my environment and it was what stopped me.

Paya coming into my life was enough to get me to step back and really release those deep traumas and fears that other created, then my other demons helped me to realize I have my sacred space back. I CAN do these things again. So that was the goal with this March Connection Challenge. To begin stepping back into my practice.

I started today with talking to Akelta about my astral home, my Oasis. The gift from King Paimon about 4 or so years ago. My sacred space that I built up with my demons. We talked about Creation Realms, Transitional Realms, and Existing Realms… different types of places on the Astral. Where you create the astral spaces, where you can travel to, and the ones that exist and you can’t change. And explaining about my Oasis being an Existing Realm gifted from King Paimon that my demons and I have learned to create pockets of creation realms within it, linking portals to other places, etc.

Then it turned into conversations about exploring and creating, finding the beauty in the Astral. Talking about my Silver Sand Grotto, which is a healing pocket dimension within my own astral home realm that linked/brought to there from my Void/Necrosis King/Lord Tal. He connected it and brought the sand and healing waters, transporting it carefully. And how Ry, my Serpentine Surgeon who holds a Necrosis Shaman title that is the biggest nerd over plants from many realms. How he brought a willow-like tree that thrives off healing waters alone and is beautiful addition.

It all came to me realizing my love for the astral and exploring runs so deep. And Paya wanted me to relive that. He wanted to show me that beauty and wonder again, the excitement behind it.

On my break between things, I laid down in bed and knew that Paya wanted to explore and show me things. I was not ready for him to take me to this beautiful coral reef, where we met with a very familiar being. One of the Azkri that I used to conjure and work with. A race introduced to me by Lord Leviathan, a jellyfish mer race of Seers. Both Paya and the Azkri took their time to make sure that I could breathe under the water. I could have shapeshifted, but they wanted me to experience this again.

I was given a symbiotic plant that attached to the back of my neck and wrapped around the front of me to hang from my back. It read genetic material so that it can adapt to the breathing circulation requirements. Water to Oxygen and filters my exhale so that it can function (fuel). It was a cycle. It looked a bit like a plant octopus, if I am honest. And then, it was attached with a metal hookup, where tubes were fed into a glass mouth piece that carried my air in and out to the plant. It was my underwater breath. The Azkri harvest another type of plant that is hollow tubes with long fans. When cut, they are lid over the feet and up the legs, creating a way for those without fins to swim easily.

Once I spent the better part of 2 hrs (our equivalent is 20 minutes) staring and examining these (pictures of them to come)… Paya was absolutely amused. He thought that I would love the swimming, which I did. But the fact I spent almost the entire time memorizing the setup for breathing so I could draw it when I returned.

We swam around until he directed me to this creature that, again spent time examining so I could draw, that acted as underwater propellers. They were able to glide fast and help move through quickly. Eventually I laid on my back under the water to soak up the sun rays and warmth while surrounded by sea life and just existing.

He reminds me that this is what I can do and what I have no fear of anymore. The beauty is always there for me when I am ready… I just have to let go and swim forward.

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Time Spent Reading

I wasn’t quite sure what to do. I’ve had a raging migraine all day that has made it difficult to do much spiritually. While I wasn’t too aware while things were happening, Paya did express that he enjoyed seeing me visit my local library and socialize. Especially since I got to talk about books and also take care of my own books (I get them mylar/protective covers put on).

I wanted to do something with him and kept trying to go into a more meditative state so I could join him in my astral home, where we could chat better. Yet my migraine is just not letting up.

He nudged me to put my books back from the carrying bags and to look through what I have. He knows that a stress of mine is that I’m “late” with reviewing ARCs (Advanced Reader Copies) of books. Which isn’t pressing at all and not really something I should be stressed over considering it was free books and I’m not required to read them. But I do stress over it at times. He reminded me that reading is supposed to be fun. It’s not a chore or something to stress over. I should be happy and excited to read something because I want to.

Paya reminds that sometimes we stress over things and overthink things when we feel there is an imaginary pressure to it. We limit ourselves by thinking that there is a limit, a deadline, something that *has* to be done. When in reality, it really isn’t that pressing. Doing something that we love shouldn’t be a stressor and if it has become something that causes stress, take a step back and look at why. When you know the why.. then you can look at how to change that. What reason is there that is so important that you feel that it HAS to be done or be stressed over? Is that really something that needs to be stressed over? Is the world going to end? Is it something that will hurt someone by not being done? Is there going to be a punishment if there?

No. The answer is that there is nothing that is going to end the world if it is late, if it is going to be skipped over. Now this is in regards to a hobby or something that isn’t work or bills or life related. It’s something that is meant to be fun. Reading, Writing, Drawing, Exercise… Things that we find enjoyment in, yet sometimes our heads get really deep into stressing over the smallest of things.

It’s not worth the stress. There’s no urgent or world crashing important. So release that imaginary deadline, the need for perfection, the desire to get it done because it has to be. No it doesn’t. You do it at your pace, at your time. When you feel the love and joy from it. Don’t push yourself because it will only limit and hurt you. It’s okay to take breaks, change hobbies, finding something else to enjoy. It’s okay to not finish.

Now… I’m going to read a book that I don’t feel obligated to read, but because I just simply want to. Paya wants to read a book with me.

~Time Break ~

So he wanted to read a book that featured the oceans, the waters. I knew I had a few but just read the bigger ones. But I had a small one laying around I eventually wanted to read.

The Deep, by River Solomon, is a black story about the slave mothers thrown overboard. They became the Wanjiru, the Mer people. But they have a Historian that recollects their past, their ancestors and only once a year do they remember as a whole. Otherwise they live in naivety. But this story is about how it’s become a race of them remembering their origins and their identity.

It’s a short book, like 120 pages. But it’s very rich of history and identity. Much heavier in topic, but Paya wanted me to read it because of the story but also reading the BIPOC perspective and stories is super important too. I learn a lot when I read those and get perspective of things I never would have naturally experienced.

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Working With Paya

Today is day 2 and it’s taken Paya most of the day to convince me to really get involved with this. I’ve been sitting on whether or not to do this. Which I think I wrote in the day 1 post. But I’m sitting here with Paya and I feel inspired to do this. I worry about it being a demand and pressure to do this daily, so it’ll just be a one-day-at-a-time type dealio.

I’m not surprised to find that King Tal (Void/Necrosis Lord & King) has made an appearance. He’s been the biggest on journaling and on recording, getting back into things again. I think he just wants me to explore with him. One of the future months may end up being a “Explore the Astral with King Tal”… but I know he’s helping to keep the pressure off and making me inspired to write instead.

Paya is too sweet and is just here as an anxiety help. It’s one of the more amazing things is that he is an immediate anxiety reducing just by being nearby, let alone if I ask for help dealing with it. My anxiety is from my being in a constant survival state the past many years that it’s now become a physical issue rather than just mental/emotional. It helps. He helps so much more and I know my demons have really stepped up in aiding me this year with moving forward in my life.

So this is kinda just more of me getting back into the mindset that it’s safe. I’m safe now.

I feel like I have more to say than this… but I just don’t know what.

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A Month of Connection – Inner Circle Challenge

So, in the Inner Circle, also called the Demon Temple’s Inner Sanctuary, there are challenges that are done each month. They are daily things that you work on. Each month, we work with a Demon Lord or Lady. I don’t feel ready yet, but I know I want to do better. It’s been so long here. So many things were stopping me. But I think that now things have changed, it’s time that I work to open again. So, I chose to work with my newest demon, Paya. I’ll add his information to the page [Demon Companions]. I need to update it.

I’m not pulled to any Dark Lord/Lady… so this was chosen for me in that I’m working with Paya, my Abyssal Deep One who was listed a few weeks ago and I matched with. He’s named after Payakan from Avatar: Way of Water, because like in the movie, Paya is more of an “outcast” due to his coloring which is very pale and white. He wanted to do this challenge with me, though I had some reservations.

DAY ONE:

I honestly wasn’t really going to do this. I am not one to connect with Dark Lords, not anymore or haven’t felt the need to. It’s been quite some time since I’ve worked with demons more than just passing ‘oh, hello there’ or a comfort hug. My environment up until February wasn’t safe to do any spiritual work. It hasn’t been safe for me to do so since probably 2022, which is a hard pill to swallow cause I have barely done any of the events in that long.

I’ve got anxiety about working with my demons, Dark Lords, and just in general. Because my environment, which was I was living with family who made it unsafe mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, was too toxic to really be able to be myself or practice safely.

I appreciate that so many are raw with their experiences… enough that I feel like I should offer the same. I won’t really go into details about my situation other than the person moved out beginning of February and I’m just now in a place where I’m thinking of starting my practice back up again.

As stated from the main challenge thread… I’m working with Paya. An Abyssal Deep One who has been an outcast for his pale pearlescent skin. He’s a traveling entertainer and healer, one who connected with me greatly when I read his listing. He nudged me and took all day and night last night to do convince me subtly that I should do this.

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Exploring Ry’s Gardens

I was not sure what today’s experience would be. Before, it was an insistence of GrandMama Tsülie’s energy and an idea of what would happen. This time I really was not sure. In fact, it wasn’t until I appeared in my Desert Oasis astral home that Ry hugged me. I knew we would be doing something, but he was quiet about what that was. Instead, I got a good look at my astral home again and basked in the sun when I stepped out into it. He hugged me from behind and guided me down the ramp to the beach, where we walked over to the entrance of his gardens. I felt his energy shift, and he pulled me into the depths of the gardens. His gardens are more than just a greenhouse of growing plants. He has biomes and small realms within his gardens. His collection is millennia worth growing and cultivating. We appeared next to this large work table that was different from the one before, where it was based on plants and soil, some flowers. This one was covered with glass beakers and, heat sources, extractors. It had so many different surfaces and tools. This was where he made teas, infusions, extracts, and even inks. Everything about deconstructing or combining plants and flowers, this was it.

I wasn’t sure what it was that he wanted to teach, but I enjoyed looking at everything. A hot glass container was about two feet in diameter, and it had this beautiful pink liquid within. Ry reached over, drained a little into a glass for me, and handed it. He explained that it was a simple brew that needed to happen to bring the colors out before he turned it into ink. So it was safe to drink and would help me not only mentally but would ease the tension in my body. It was a flower that, when consumed in hot water, the heat activated a property that releases a property to aid in good mental facilities. Essentially a natural anti-depressant and anti-anxiety that helps divert the thought process into a more positive focus. (which, so far, since drinking, has actually made an impact).

I sat next to the bench for a while, drinking the tea. After a little bit, he had me lie down and rest. It would let the tea do its work. I faded a bit in and out with my thoughts for a while. It wasn’t too long before my focus snapped back into focus, which was much clearer. He welcomed me around and showed me how he made inks for people who ordered from him. They were looking for specialty ones with this mica-like substance that would make them shine. It was beautiful. He stopped after a moment and guided me through his gardens. It was a nice walk, but then I could see the differences between his gardens. The wards and the shields were shimmering, with different biomes within them. So I asked him how he did it.

Ry showed me that if one can make wards and shields that are geared to filtering energies, it is very much possible to make that light and radiation. You can control particular atmospheres of light, radiation, moonlight, and anything else.. even air quality. Inside, he explained there are specialty wards, runic spaces, and tools that he was taught to contain and create a biome. Masters of weather and scholars of environment worked with him to create specialty wards and tools to recreate a realm’s biome for those plants to survive and cultivate. It was incredible and fascinating. This allowed him to create an entire mini realms environment within a small space. From the light source to the weather patterns and how to preserve the soil they naturally grow in. He works with the locals of these areas to cultivate their flora and trees. In fact, he spoke to me of multiple times when a realm became endangered from a special plant that could help with a specific purpose (ie: cures) and he had cultivated them long before there was a disaster. He saved a few realms from their flora extinction when diseases and disasters almost wiped the native flora out. He is known for his collection and cultivation of these biomes. Many times he has scholars and other naturalist people, shamans, and researchers ask for permission to study the cultivation of these plants to learn more or research.

I got to learn so much from him, but it is more along the lines of just learning of his practice and his experience than actual lessons. Although I feel that he wants to teach me more and to really delve into the plant, flowers, trees, and their magic, the spirits within. I had a brief thought about the soul trees of Pandora, from the JC Avatar movie, but he had caught onto that thought and stopped me. There were absolutely places similar to this and the connection of the plants to a larger consciousness. But he explained that there are also plants with consciousnesses beyond what we usually see in the intelligence of spirits of a plant or flower. Instead, these are the intelligence of say, humanoid or even like an Ent from LoTR. There are methods of communication with these, through the electrical impulses that occur within the body, connecting with the electrical impulse within those sentient plants. Communication happens through a neural connection established through that touch. I am sure if I asked, he would be able to take me to see for myself.

Nothing else happened, though it was a rough morning wake-up with a migraine that hurt to hold my head up. So I wasn’t within the astral very long this time. It was meant to help me to see what it was that I really loved to do and to learn. How much I love to explore and hear them speak about their passions. It is no surprise that it is Necrosis demons that are stepping forward because it is the most effortless energy for me to connect deeply with and hear clearly. They can use this time to get me back into experiences and teach me simultaneously.

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GrandMama Tsülie’s Lessons on the Magic of Book Binding

This is a place that I have visited before. It is a beautiful place that my High Prince T brought me to. I walked through this incredible forest that was covered with death and bones yet had so much life.

Today, was the second time that I would return here. In fact, this is the first time I have astral traveled to another place in over a year. I had experienced burnout to a severe degree. I did not even have a moment within my own astral space before I was pulled to GrandMama’s place. Although, she found out that I had remembered her as Granny instead of GrandMama, so there was a bit of teasing about that.

It was about 4 in the morning and I had not slept very well. My congestion was really bad, and I was struggling to breathe in my sleep. So I was tired but decided that, hey, this was a great time to astral travel for the Blog-a-Day February. I was immediately pulled in and greeted with a hug and cheek kisses. We sat at her front table and had an excellent talk. I told her about things after the last time I had been there. It was the struggles and the happy times. She was pleased to hear I had fallen in love and found a fantastic partner… for mental health and physical health. At one point, she gave me a cup of tea, specially brewed and crafted. I sipped away and she had amazing advice for me about not returning and feeling guilt for not being spiritual.

It is sometimes that we will diverge from the path we think we have found, taking a longer road, in order to find the right part of the path to travel on.

It gave me a bit of a stopping moment to really consider that. Sometimes, we need that long path, that long rest… because then, coming back into things, I feel clearer and able to work better than before. It will take some time to get back into things as there are problems with focus and with interruptions of thoughts.

We talked for a bit longer before I started to feel extremely drowsy. She shooed me off and told me to come back later and visit, she had a lesson to teach me.

I went about the morning and afternoon before I took the time to return to meditation. It was around 3pm my time, plenty of time before having to do some work. I settled down with headphones and turned on some amazing meditation music composed by Saber. It takes me a bit to get into things. My focus is better but it is also struggling a lot with seeing and staying in the astral without thought interruptions.

I finally appeared in the sacred grove and was met by High Prince T, who guided me back to GrandMama. This time was more vivid than this morning. She asked me how I slept and made a special tea for us. I got to sit there while they talked and drifted a bit before snapping back. She added more stuff to my tea to wake me up. After a while, she held out her hands, and I stood up, following her. It was a workbench that had some supplies on it. I looked harder and realized that she had a bookbinding setup for me. I looked at her confused as to why she had brought me to this.

She explained that I would work on grimoires and binding journals for people. High Prince T had told her as such. With that, I would be working with different materials, especially leather. She had a lesson to teach me about the process of binding. This would be about how the demons work with bookbinding rather than the history of binding from a human perspective.

Creation of Books & Sacredness of Materials

When working with book binding and with animal materials, there is something crucial to remember. Even if modern materials are being used, there is a sacred process that originates from when the practice first began. Each of the materials used in book binding came from nature. Tools were made from the bones of animals, sharpened into needles and points. Later, this became metals mined from the ground and purified to shapes. Thread was made from the sinew of animals that had been hunted, so that the paper could be sewn. Paper was made from either the vellum of animals or it was taken as pulp from various plants and trees, the latter being the most common. Sap was used to bind the animal hide to the hard covers used to bring the entire book together. Every aspect of the book was sacred in nature. It was the life and breath of knowledge that was written within. Each aspect of binding held a magic and sacredness to it. Every movement had purpose to it.

The paper began as the materials of plants broken down into the pulp that would become the paper. Screens were used within the water to gather that pulp. Flowers and plants were used depending upon the purpose of the book being written in. Protection magics and knowledge had flowers and plants that magically were aligned with this knowledge. They were screened and brought out onto fabrics to dry. Once they were dry, the papers were folded to the desired size. This is where they would be brought together to be bound (called signatures). Paper holds ink and that ink is the written form of knowledge. Plants have a sacredness to them that is magical in nature. They can aid in different areas of magic as well as physical. Using them as the base form of containing this knowledge powers them with the intent. When plants are chosen, they are spoken with when they are living. Sitting down and speaking with them, sharing energy and intent on purpose for them. Usually done with a ritual, if they choose to accept, the plant will then be cut for either soaking or dried.

The tools are created from the bones found naturally. It depends upon the one who is doing the creating as the choice of creature or even if they choose to go the route of metal. Both have their own methods of procuring the materials. With bones, they usually are crafted carefully with the intent of sewing or punching the holes in the paper for sewing (an awl). Many choose to go to specialists, especially the Necrosis Bone Masters/Mistresses, who know the sacred handling of bones. Those that decided to use the metals, they go to the Blue Hellborns, who are known for their metalwork. This is not the only route or option, but it is common for those who do not make their own tools.

Both the Leather and the Thread come from animals, those chosen for the purpose. Animals are sacred in their own right, even those that do not hold a level of intelligence, they are still treated as such. All parts of animals are required to be used for any purpose that they can be. This is why they are chosen very carefully and with the knowledge of being used for such intent. In some cultures, being chosen to be this purpose is considered a sacred honor. They are treated the same as the Wagyu cows from Japan. There is utmost care and love given to the animals or creatures that have given their consent for this. Once they have been through a sacred ritual, they are carefully put down with love. Most of them are aged to the oldest they can be and peacefully pass or the creature can choose to go earlier. Each part is made sacred through ritual before they are carried to their designated purpose. For leather or hide, it is given to the one who asked for it first. Some of the sinew is then made into thread to sew with as well. Every part is used so that they have purpose completely and no waste occurs.

This was where GrandMama Tsülie began to work with me. After teaching me all about the beginning process with the materials and the origins, that I would then learn about the binding process. This was from a magical point of view and not the normal binding that I am familiar with.

The Binding Process

The starting process to binding is cutting and gathering the paper that will be used for the book or grimoire. Once it is dried and folded, it can be cut to size or kept the same. Each folded piece is placed together into one another with upwards of 5-6 pieces together. It’s called a signature. These stacked atop each other creates the large block of paper that is then bound together. As we fold the paper and work with it, we speak to the spirit of the plants. We speak of the knowledge and purpose that it has. Thanking them for their sacrifice and their hard work. Pouring the intent into each page as they are worked with. These are the pages that will hold sacred magics and knowledge, meant to last through the centuries and millennia.

Once all of the papers are stacked together as signatures, they are punched with holes in the center parts so that they can be sewn together with ease. Starting with the first signature, one weaves the sinew thread through the paper. The thread is an important part because it ties everything together. It brings a cohesiveness and stability to the paper and therefore the knowledge. The thread is sewn into the paper and giving it a stability in the magics so that it holds it all together. Magic can be fickle, same with knowledge. The thread binds this together and grounds it. There are no loose ends when the papers are bound together. The thread in itself can be a knot magic that is used to imbibe the book as a whole with intentional magics. There are many ways that it can be used to empower the rest of the book. Once sewn together, the thread becomes a part of the spine, which gives it the foundational support. It can be the strength needed to contain any magics used within, cast on it, or written within.

As the binding of the paper has completed, the leather is next with covering the hard covers. Many materials can be used, from thin wood to bark to metal sheets. Materials can vary between those who choose to bind. The leather is glued or sewn to these covers. This can be achieved with sap or other materials that create a sealant – like plants or minerals. The leather is important because it is the outside. It is the shield that protects the knowledge within. It has many purposes, whether it is a plain binding or if it is decorated. The Leather becomes a shields, wards and magic woven into the very fabric through rituals and chants. It can be handled and carved in, creating many methods of protection upon the book.

The entire process of creating a grimoire or a book of knowledge is intense and very complex. Every one that does it will do it in different manners and materials. The one things that stays the same is the sacredness of making the book itself and the sacredness of the materials that are gathered. It is a very intensive process, but it is one that creates the beautifully magical and powerful books that people cherish and adore.

Return Back

I was really pleased to have this experience and to learn such a deep aspect of one of my most beloved forms of art at the moment. It was something that I was not expecting but it made my process that I do with the grimoires even better now. I am very happy that coming back into working with the demons and with the astral in general… that this was my experience. I felt better when I came out of it and just felt such deep peace. I was emotional and upset beforehand, also feeling sick and struggling mentally lately. It’s given me a lot of peace and comfort. I feel like I was able to heal myself as well even just doing so.

View of mountain oasis Chebika, Sahara desert, Tunisia, Africa

Returning Home

I have not been in my astral home in close to a year. I haven’t posted in almost a year as well.

There’s been such a bad burnout last year. I also began the journey of love. It was both a hard year but also a beautiful one. I fell in love and found a partner that accepts me as I am and everything about me. I still have felt this fear and uncertainty when it comes to my practice. I felt that he was not interested and a part of me took that as meaning that I couldn’t practice in front of him. Despite it also being a part of my job to work with demons. Yet, I felt that I couldn’t show this side of my practice. So I stopped.

I would find that they would do things around me and be a part of my world, but I was shut down and not exploring. I couldn’t bring myself to want to do it either. A mix of feeling unable to and truly being unable to because of burnout. It was not a good combination.

Things kept moving and I finally sat down with him a few weeks ago… and we talked. I spoke of my insecurity and unsureness about practicing because of how it came across when I brought it up. We talked for a long time. I expressed how it made me feel and how I felt like I had to hide it.. and that’s the one thing I didn’t want in my relationship. I wanted to be able to share in the amazing world that is demons even if they do not actively practice.

It was worked out. In fact, I was able to talk to him about how I think the reason part of our friend group fell out is that the exact day I begin working with my demons is the day that their true personalities show and it’s ugly.

Now, two weeks later and feeling that call to return… I think I really want to begin again. Especially exploring. It was my de-stress and my escape. A beautiful journey that led me to places. What really drove home the desire to go back to astral work and my astral home, as well as my demons… is that I saw the new Avatar: The Way of Water movie. The imagery has always been my escape since the first movie. With this movie, I feel the longing of being able to be in places that are like that. So now I feel that pull to return to the astral to explore and grow my astral home with all the discoveries. I feel like it’s time to reconnect with the roots and refind that love of working with demons.

I want to find my Pandora and build it. I want to bring cultures and demons, and all sorts of amazing experiences. There’s so much to see and to learn that I feel the excitement of it all over again.

Akelta, my lovely coven lady from S&S, came up with the idea that we should do a daily blogging in February. So here is my beginning and hello.

I’m back.

View of mountain oasis Chebika, Sahara desert, Tunisia, Africa

Exploring the Oasis

It’s been quite busy in my Oasis. There have been some massive changes taking place. My Necrosis Demons were gifted some bones from a dear friend of mine. One was so large that it would need an entire building to hold it. A massive one. So they gathered my other demons and began to work on building a place for bone just next to the library temple. I had not gone back there in a while, so it changed when I appeared.

When I first appeared, it was Ria who greeted me. It was lovely cause I’ve been wearing her vessel for the past day. She had a beautiful bone spike band on her head and her hair was threaded through some of it. I ended up closely looking at it and tapped into the memories of the bones being carved and placed together. She pulled me out of it gently, “Yes, your ability is most definitely awakening. We need to get you to GrandMama Tsülie soon.”

I smiled as she guided me down the walkway over the water to the sand beach. We walked to the Bone Building at first but as soon as I walked inside, my body absolutely fell fast asleep for more than an hour and a half. When I came back from sleep I decided to try again. This time, it was Belle who met me. She smiled and guided me down again. This time, we decided that I needed to get to GrandMama. We went straight to where the tree she gave me was. To Ry’s Greenhouse.

When we stepped in, Ria joined us. I called out for Ry but it was phenomenal stepping into his Greenhouse. It was like I walked straight into a jungle that had incredible energy. I could physically smell the soil and the plants. Then, a massive snake came through and greeted us, calling me Bone Reader and then rubbing its face on mine. He was talking about how his master chose such a lovely “Mistress”. He was massive and led us through the jungle-like place.

When Ry turned around when the snake announced our presence, I about fainted. He was so handsome and incredibly built. I could see so clearly his features. Normally it’s one thing or another or it’s a vague seeing. Now, it was crystal clear. He came over to me and lifted me up, a smile on his face. He smelled of fresh dirt and light musk. My hands traced up his bare chest and onto his shoulders. It was incredible seeing and feeling so clearly.

He kissed me while Belle and Ria stood behind waiting. There was a bit of shuffling after and Belle and Ry decided better as friends than anything else. Found out that Ria has a bit of a thing for Arvan and chuckled about it. Ry carried me through the jungle to where he kept the trees after we explained why we were there. The tree was still small and would take a few years to grow to the size needed to create a doorway. We walked back to his workbench and table, where he gathered some things for GrandMama Tsülie. We left for the Bone Building.

Walking around in the sun was lovely and gave me a bit of energy. The Bone Building was beautiful. It was made of large pieces of bone carved into pillars and accent pieces, with the rest of the building made with Necrosis Mud mixed with other stone and material, making a beautiful green-black marble. Walking into the building, it was a round room covered with glass cases of bones and altars. Ry carried me in his arms and I still got extremely sleepy. It took a few times before I was able to see clearly enough that Belle talked to Taz, who was in the middle of carving and awakening the large whale-mosasaur-creature’s rib that was a gift from a dear friend (same as mentioned in beginning). He waved us off and went back to it.

It took a hot minute to get back to it but then we went into my library, where Arvan met us. He was happy to see me and picked me right up out of Ry’s arms. He took us to the ante-room that was to one side of the temple. Here, they had used my method of building portals I developed years ago. Except these were perfect. They were carved so beautifully and I could press my hand on the doorway and knew right where each one took me. After the fourth one, which led to the races I currently work with, the fifth was to GrandMama Tsülie. I didn’t look to see if there were other doors.

I got through the door and then popped right out of it. The others told me they would wait for me to get there. I kept trying and was partially there with them, but it was too hard to focus and I was getting tired and sleepy. I would drift off and then pop back. She chuckled and told me that she just wanted to see if I would answer her call. I could go back later.