I have not been in my astral home in close to a year. I haven’t posted in almost a year as well.
There’s been such a bad burnout last year. I also began the journey of love. It was both a hard year but also a beautiful one. I fell in love and found a partner that accepts me as I am and everything about me. I still have felt this fear and uncertainty when it comes to my practice. I felt that he was not interested and a part of me took that as meaning that I couldn’t practice in front of him. Despite it also being a part of my job to work with demons. Yet, I felt that I couldn’t show this side of my practice. So I stopped.
I would find that they would do things around me and be a part of my world, but I was shut down and not exploring. I couldn’t bring myself to want to do it either. A mix of feeling unable to and truly being unable to because of burnout. It was not a good combination.
Things kept moving and I finally sat down with him a few weeks ago… and we talked. I spoke of my insecurity and unsureness about practicing because of how it came across when I brought it up. We talked for a long time. I expressed how it made me feel and how I felt like I had to hide it.. and that’s the one thing I didn’t want in my relationship. I wanted to be able to share in the amazing world that is demons even if they do not actively practice.
It was worked out. In fact, I was able to talk to him about how I think the reason part of our friend group fell out is that the exact day I begin working with my demons is the day that their true personalities show and it’s ugly.
Now, two weeks later and feeling that call to return… I think I really want to begin again. Especially exploring. It was my de-stress and my escape. A beautiful journey that led me to places. What really drove home the desire to go back to astral work and my astral home, as well as my demons… is that I saw the new Avatar: The Way of Water movie. The imagery has always been my escape since the first movie. With this movie, I feel the longing of being able to be in places that are like that. So now I feel that pull to return to the astral to explore and grow my astral home with all the discoveries. I feel like it’s time to reconnect with the roots and refind that love of working with demons.
I want to find my Pandora and build it. I want to bring cultures and demons, and all sorts of amazing experiences. There’s so much to see and to learn that I feel the excitement of it all over again.
Akelta, my lovely coven lady from S&S, came up with the idea that we should do a daily blogging in February. So here is my beginning and hello.