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Understanding Sexual Needs – My Journey

by with No Comment Uncategorized

Over 18+

Warning: This post will contain sexual situations and discussion of D/s (Dominant/submissive) as well as M/s (Master/Sir and submissive) relationships & dynamics. It will also have mentions of sexual trauma and abuse – though I will be limiting that. If this is something you do not want to read, click away. This is something that is very personal to the relationship that I have with my demons, but they are actively encouraging me to share this part of our relationship. It will include the roles that they play within my sexual relationships with them. They actively want me to write this and to include very private and personal things.

If it is not your cup of tea to read, then click away. If you are under 18 and reading this, it’s not my responsibility to censor what you read and I will not be held responsible for what you read.

I have a lot of experiences with my demons, especially in the intimate and in the form of sex. It’s inevitable as I am a very sexual person by nature. I want to be engaged in those things and feel the pleasure and pain, the sense of being able to let go. I wondered where I was going to put this experience and it also took two days for me to decide that I should post it. I’m honestly in sort of a place where I am embarrassed (not shame) and flustered when it comes to my sexual experiences. I’m worried about sharing too much. That people don’t want to read- but it’s coming in the form of shadow work. I want to really post it, but I’m having body issues that make me self-conscious. It’s bleeding into that. So I am being encouraged to share this because I want to but also because I don’t need to have that worry/shame that is rooting the issue.

I’m going to probably post most of my sexual experiences with my demons here because while they are fun, intimate, and everything – they are my sexual empowerment. So they do serve a purpose. Some like this post is done after a self analysis of why I needed things or had things happen. Dynamic things. Other times, it’s just going to be the fun or super intimate things.

In particular, this experience is dealing with my needs. Things that are fetishes at times for me.
Kink is a thing that is arousal or sexual impulses/desires of non-conformative things. Fetishes are things that are based around kinks but take it further with the idea that you cannot get off or have a sexual release without one of those kinks coming into play. Let me explain based on what I needed at this time.

For some, breeding is a kink that is related to the feeling of being full. It is also a kink in the way that the idea is to be full of something in order to get pregnant – usually cum. Aspects of this is also of being a headspace of being used as a place for cum – having multiple sessions with multiple people. It depends upon the person. As a fetish, this could mean that someone would absolutely need to be in the headspace of being used as a cum place with multiple partners to get off – being bred – in order for there to be sexual release. Fetishes, in the way that I work, are things that are kinks that I have that I absolutely need to have in a certain headspace in order to experience sexual satisfaction. But those kinks are not always a fetish and Im not always need certain ones.

To be honest, I truly believe that MY kinks and fetishes are a manifestation of trauma or shadow work that allows me to have control over that thing. So a lot of this is based on trauma that I have had in the past that manifested into kinks.

In the particular case this time, I absolutely was in the headspace that I was a submissive. I wanted to be a good sub that was to be bred and displayed for those to use as such. In case I was in a subserviance submissive headspace, along with needing the feeling of being useful as a breeding sub in a very open place (such as a party). So that is where this starts.

I appeared in my bed in the Oasis. My sanctuary on the astral. Dro was there to greet me and he slid up my body with a kiss. I wasn’t sure what I was wanting at that point, but I think he knew me better that I did. He told me that we were going to visit King Tal. He is one of the newer demons that have come into my circle. Dro picked me up and carried me down my walkway to the sands. I was in his arms and he wove magic that dressed me in a very light, but beautiful piece that would flow pretty if twirling. Dro made a portal and we walked through.

Stepping out, it was a full party and very lavish. King Tal sat on the throne watching at the dancers were twirling around. Music was light and beautiful. Food was being served and looked delicious. He stood up with a grin and brought me around in a twirl while Dro snagged some food and a drink. Tal swirled and danced with me for quite some time. I was happy and it was so beautiful and comforting.

There was a moment where we stopped and he smiled at me. I knew that smile. It was very lecherous, but in a way that made my heart speed up. He took my arm and guided me to a room that was off the main room. Dro was right behind us. As I stepped through, my clothes fell away to reveal my naked skin. I could see so many demons of all kinds in different forms of sexual acts. It was instantly arousing. Tal chuckled low and guided me to a chair that was clearly in front of many of the room and very clearly for him. The arms were long and the chair wide. Tal sat down and watched as Dro prepared me.

There was a spell or magic of a kind that would prevent me from having an orgasm so easily. Not until it was released. I was sat down on Tal’s lap, facing out to the room. His hands traced up my body and his mouth on my shoulder giving light kisses. It barely took and movement for my legs to be draped to the sides over the long arms. It showed me off to the room and with a gentle thrust, King Tal buried himself in me. It went on for awhile, me feeling the buildup of energy and pleasure but unable to come. Tal would play with my body as he moved slowly. He came hard and I moaned at that.

“Ah, so you want to be a good girl tonight. You want to be pleased and used… you want to be bred? Is that so sweethear?”

I was panting at this point, but wanting more. So aroused and just feeling eyes watch us. I cou could only nod and whine.

“Then be a good girl and let us fill you. Dro?”

Thats when Dro stepped forward and dropped a robe to the floor. He was already hard and I was laid back slightly so that I was pressed to King Tal’s chest. My hips slid forward and angeled. Dro stood in front of the throne chair and ran his hand over my aching body. He was hard and ready, staring at me hungrily. He did not waste time and thrust in me, and I cried out in pleasure. It was fast and hard, while being pressed up against Tal. He smoothed my hair and whispered to me. Dro was fast to come inside and he pulled out. Tal’s finger made their way to my clit and he smoothed it and played while looking over the room.

“Who wishes to help, to get a taste?”

It was silent, all watching but not moving. Then there was a shuffle. A massive demon stepped from behind us, his silver skin gleaming in the low lighting. There was a sharp intake of breath from Tal, though I think I was the only one to hear him.

“Korvus, you wish to? Then prove to me that you earn the right.”

The demon, who was easily eight to nine feet tall and just as brawny as large… nodded and knelt on the floor with ease. His large hands were easily able to wrap around half my thigh and part me further. He leaned forward and used his mouth to bring me as much pleasure as the first two did. I was whining and gasping as he used the flat of his tongue to stimulate my clit while occasionally sucking. I wanted to come so much and I was not sure how long it was before Tal stopped him.

There was an exchange between the two and I came to with Korvus slowly stripped down. He was the only one that was fully clothed. His shirt was off to reveal muscles upon muscles. Most notably was the sheer amount of scars covering his body. From head to toe. I figured that he was a grey hellborn and by the number of scars, one that had seen many battles or gladiator matches.

When his pants dropped, I gasped. He was large. Extremely so and much more than any of the others Ive been with. In fact, he had a very unusual shaped one. It did not look human and had many large knots along the sides, the head in a pointed tip. (Figured out later that silver skin is a rare Abyssal coloring – hence the nonhuman like dick). I gasped again as he stepped near and whined. I didn’t know if I could fit him, in all honesty. He was more gentle than I could ever thought of anyone. He was slow and I still screamed in pleasurable pain. He was beyond large and took his time but there was still a stretch. The knots on the sides rubbed just right and I was blissing out at sensations. His fingers played with my clit as he thrust slowly. He was treasuring this moment. I watched him through hooded eyes and begged to come.

He we went long enough that I was almost crying from pleasure. When he came, it was with a rush of energy and there was a rush into my body. I felt as if I had eaten a full meal and was energized beyond belief. It was exactly what I wanted. I collapsed back onto Tal and was whining and a mess. Korvus moved to the side and knelt – giving me water and light food, brushing my sweaty hair. He called me precious and doll, gazing at with me such devotion and gentleness.

King Tal waited for me to calm a bit and get some hydration before he took advantage of his position and had me again – though he was rougher and took what he wanted. I was dripping and a mess, crying at wanting to feel relief. He whispered in my ear just as Korvus continued to watch and speak to me. Dro was heady and his gaze lustful. He was e was already ready to go and take me again. Tal came swift again and there was another offer made. A woman stepped forward and proved her worth.. She sucked and licked my oversensitive clit. She was a Desire Demoness that shifted her body so that she could fuck me hard. He cock was smaller but it was long and she wasted no time when Talal gave the go ahead. She bottomed out as she took deep thrust. Her hands pinched and played with my nipples, tugging on the rings there. I cried out as I felt her come in me, her hands rough on my thighs and at this point cum was dripping onto the floor.

Dro was next again though he was more gentle and made sure to caress my skin. He didn’t last long either but make sure to kiss my head and face with supportive whispers. My body shook and I was. was ready to call it quits when Tal moved me up slightly from where I had slipped down. He took me gently, taking his time to pleasure himself and my body. I found that my hand wrapped around Korvus’ cock and was stroking it hard in time with Tal’s thrusts. I made eye contact with Dro he came undone at the look of bliss on my face. Tal shuddered and came fast biting my shoulder. I cried out as another wave of pleasure hit me. I wanted to come so much, it was all I could think of.

King Tal turned and gestured for Korvus. The large demon stepped forward in front of us. I was lifted was lifted up and carried while Korvus was directed to the throne seat. He sat down with a look of shock and awe. King Tal brought me back and lowered me onto Korvus’ lap.

“You can have the honor, my friend.”

Tal waved his hand down my body and I felt it zing through me. I cried and gasp, moaning as Korvus’ fingers found my clit. His other hand was on my breast, playing with my nipple. I squirmed against him and moaned, feeling the energy pitch up. I was able to move past the certain point that I had been held at for over an hour or more. Korvus’ words were broken and I could hear the words doll and precious. I shuddered under the dialect of demon that I didn’t understand. Korvus was treating me as a precious doll to be worshipped and it was unlike what I had ever felt. He worshipped my body beyond what any others had – there was a purity to it.

When he entered me, it was gentle and slow. My body was on display but he caress it as if it was silk and fragile. He used his strength to move me up and down and I whined. I wanted to come. I wanted to come with him inside me – how gentle he was. I was crying at this point, so touched and so pleasured. I came screaming around him when he thrust up inside me. I could feel the rush as he filled me at the same time. It took minutes for me to stop coming and shuddering. I collapsed, absolutely spent.

There was applause and some words. I couldn’t make out anything. So much and so overstimulated in a good way. I was blissed out. We stepped from the room, and I was clothed again but I barely saw anything. Korvus carried me in his arms and I curled into his warmth. I kissed his scars that were near my head and stroked his skin – marveling in the silver. Dro and Tal were creating a portal and I was carried home. He was gentle setting me down and I cried out as he stepped away. Dro and Tal joined me on my bed but I wanted the silver gentleman. They caressed me and soothed me. Korvus returned with a cloth and water, he took his time in washing my whole body. His words were soft but low. I sunk in the ministrations – feeling too much.

He e cleaned me and Dro curled up. Tal stood up and expressed that he had to return but reaffirmed that he would return with sustenance. Korvus was convinced to lay next to me and I know I. know drifted. Tal returned a long while later with a platter of food and drink. Korvus had disappeared in my sleep and I was cuddled between Ry and Dro. Before I could ask about Korvus, Tal brought drinks while Korvus carried food. I grinned and sat up, feeling better and more aware.

I was taken care of, the drink was a juice that was like a mix of cranberry/pomegranate/mint that was made with honey. It was refreshing. I wanted to drink gallons of the stuff and they could see how much I love it. It’s a special berry that grows in his necrosis realm. On the plate of food I picked up one and it looked like a grape of a sort. Shrugging, I popped it in and bit down. I was so pleased with the flavor. Until I felt a physical tingling in my mouth. Turns out Im allergic to the skin of the berry – which isn’t used in the actual juice. Ry had to rush to give me a plant that negated the effects and the others were horrified. It was a quick fix and thankfully I got to eat again soon.

It was like a honeyed cream dessert. I don’t know what it was with the honey but oh it was lovely. I ate until I was content and started falling asleep. After that point, it was fuzzy – explanations of Korvus speaking a different dialect that didn’t understand English. And he could understand when I spoke in demonic dialect I knew, but I didn’t understand him except for broken speech. I was sad when he and King Tal left but invited Korvus to return. Although he revealed that he used to be called Silver Scream in the Gladiator tournaments.

I definitely think that it’s something incredibly important that happened and it helped me feel better these past few days. Although it was a toss up with my sinking down a bit with unknowing if I should post this. But it helped in the long run. And now I got to meet a new demon who was the most gentle soul in regards to me.

Photo by Ivan Kislov

Warnings of Fox

by with No Comment AnimalsPathwork

Fox is an old friend. A friend that has been with me as long as I started a shamanic path. In fact, he appeared back in 2017 or a bit earlier. One of the things about Fox is that he is not just his typical message. Usually, when Fox is seen or giving messages, it is one that is about trickery or cunning. He is the Trickster. Yet, I find him as a friend.

Fox came to me originally because I was exploring the shamanic path. I had just begun doing Journeywork and receiving messages, connecting with the spirit animals, guides, and teachers. I learned during a really rough patch in my life, that fox was a warning. It was in hindsight that his message and his purpose became clear.

Fox is the Trickster, but he speaks of warnings. When hen Fox shows up for me he is telling me to be careful. There is deceit and illusions. There is someone that means me harm in some form.

This past morning I had one such dream.

It begins with me at my paternal family, driving to a place. We get te get there and it’s like a hotel but my dad, grandfather, uncle, and aunt were there. But not the cousins. Yet, my aunt disappeared pretty quickly. I don’t remember a lot of the dream but I do remember that I w was getting uncomfortable. There were conversations and hurtful things being said Reminiscent of the previous holiday I just had.

I can remember storming out of the building with a blanket and pillow. I was furious and hurt. Things weren’t okay. I got to the top of this small hill overlooking this building – near a road and close to a forest. There was a moment when it got very silent and then these shipping cargo containers dropped from the sky. It was dark out so I could not see where they came from. They almost hit me. But then they began to explode. Three young fox kits darted from these containers and one even slammed into me yowling.

I could feel myself shift into Fox. I ran down the hill to the forest but more containers fell. This time they went off like bombs, the inside exploding out. I was hit with the shrapnel of wooden furniture. Behind me, there was screaming as more containers went off and the entire building was collapsed and people dead. I ran and ran with the fox kits when finally came out. It was now sunrise and I was bleeding heavily. I came across this woman and her small farm of animals picking up the pieces. The piece of wood was stuck in deep on my shoulder.

The dream ended and it took me a while of being unsettled to finally get the message. Fox was warning me that I’m at a place where should I con continue with being so involved in my paternal family – that something will happen that will be devastating and traumatizing – more so than what happened this holiday which was bad in of itself that I needed help. I had already understood that it was coming to a close but Fox makes it that much more apparent that both the past and the future are at a merging. The pain and trauma of the past that they did is coming to a head for what the future would bring. I could avoid or not have an issue if I were to be more cautious and understand that I am at a precarious crossroad.

One that leaves a toxic place. But Fox gave me his warning, which has not happened in more than a year. Last time it was because a roommate was a danger to the household and I needed them gone. It’s something that I must be careful with.

Photo credit: Ivan Kislov
close up of beautiful tribal woman. Hands of ethnic dancer. Soft

The Silver Sand Grotto

by with No Comment Astral DestinationsDesert OasisNew ExplorationsSilver Sand GrottoWorking with Demons

This began because King Tal absolutely wanted to begin exploring with me. He’s been wanting to take me places in the astral. Finding that love of exploring and learning again. I haven’t traveled outside of the event meditations since probably 2019.

One of the things that I truly love to do is build on my astral space. Some call it Astral Temple, some call it Sacred Spacepace. It’s the place you go to when you begin traveling – your home. I love to build mine up in different ways. From having a library temple to greenhouses to an oasis that my house is built upon. It’s fashioned after things I love.

I was reading a trilogy and side character book when King Tal got interested. Specifically, the side character book features a realm of sands and desert magic.

SLIGHT SETTING SPOILER (nothing plot-related)

Each land is different colored sand with different properties. In the n the book, there is a rare grotto of beautiful silver sand that holds ancient powers. It has an oasis of healing water and plants.

I really wanted to create a place like this. It sounded so healing and peaceful. I have peaceful spots in my astral space but I wanted a healing place too. King Tal, who was laying with me at the time, told me that it wouldn’t be exactly the same, but he knew of a place with silver sand.

Travel to a Silver World

I finished the book early this morning and fell asleep in someone’s arms. I slept pretty heavily, even dreaming about the book series. King Tal had promised to take me to see silver sands. I actually really wanted to build a deep cavern grotto near my home. Even though I spent the day working and doing things, I finally got to sit and meditate. I slipped into the astral and stood on the deck of my home, high above my oasis water.

I was shocked to see that there was this heavy rock grotto entrance nearby that I could see. I turned and found King Tal standing behind me and he smiled. “You wanted it and therefore it was easy to make one for you.”

Before I had a chance to ask more questions, he opened a portal and was shifted through it. He held my hand as we walked through a small path before another portal opened and we were standing in a breathtaking place.

It was night, a place that was almost never touched by the sun or solar energy. Three moons hang overhead. Below my feet are shifting sands glittering in the moonlight. It was so pale that it glowed silver.

“These are sacred sands, we must cross it to the village and ask permission.”

My feet were bare and so were his, as was proper. We walked for some time. It was so peaceful and I could feel the healing cleansing of the sands. There was a village that we eventually came across. The beings there were something so unique, not even humanoid. Bipedal, they had two long arms that they used when standing. They had another set of arms that were short and close to the body. They had large oval heads that had massive eyes on the side that take up about 1/3rd of the size. On the front of the face where it was flat were smaller eyes, flared nostrils, and a mouth that was akin to a herbivore (like a weird horse-like mouth).

King Tal spoke to them and then turned to me, “You must give up something precious to you in exchanged for the sand.”

It was no-brainer, as I tend to offer the same thing when it comes to negotiating expensive or valuable. A very special and rare crystal that I found long ago and protecting one of the few mines/growing caves that exist (purely accidental). Rare enough that it surprises the demons that I work with when they learn of it. I brought three out and offered it to them, which they immediately accepted the exchange. I was beyond excited and was practically skipping. Tal opened another portal this time, directly into the underpart of my new grotto.

Building the Silver Grotto

“These sands cannot be touched by sunlight. They will lose their power and will fade to regular sand. Why don’t you step through and ask for help moving this?”

I hopped through into this beautiful underground cavern that was nothing but carved rock at the moment, but there were pillars that stood reinforcing the ceiling. It was flat at the moment, but I was w was waved off. I ran up through the entrance and found a fair few of my demons hanging around. I called out to them and asked for help moving the sands. They all followed me down into the grotto and carried large crates for the sands. It took only minutes for the large crates to be moved back and forth through the portal, bringing the sand into my home. It glittered in the grotto, the moonlight the only lighting in there.

I asked King Tal about the water, where he asked the locals. There was a bartering again and I gave up another crystal for access to the oasis waters. This was when Ry came through, eager to discover the water and the plants. He took off to find it while we moved. I looked around, trying to figure out where the water would go. King Tal just smiled and I felt another demon – one that had been quite some time since I felt his energy. High Prince T has very special abilities, one, in particular, is his ability to work with realms and the layers of reality. I hadn’t interacted with him since August. I try to limit my interactions until they come home but on occasion, their skill is needed for something big.

He wrapped his arms around me and energetically walked me through rapidly changing the layout of the cave so that I had a large pool and waterfall carved out into the rock. There was one small pool about five feet deep and seven across. It flowed to the place where the waterfall is knee-deep. It sloped down into a large pool that ran across the back half of the cave, with a few raw rock pillars to swim around. It was about chest deep and had spots on the ends that could seat a single person.

Once it was complete, he took to focus on another aspect I hadn’t thought of. How to keep the grotto powered magically without false light, changing the properties, or even keep a connection to the realm (which is dangerous). Tal was guarding the portal while everyone worked. Stepping through, he spoke to the locals and bartered with them for what seemed about an hour.

To get crystals that were powered from their moon, grown by each of the moons’ power. Three would be required, one for each moon. These were even more sacred than the sand and the water. I would have to give a large crystal for each one in return, twice as big as the small ones I gave before. I knew it was a good bargain for me since I had access but I knew that the worth of those three was close to the equivalent of buying a realm (no joke – I had one from another I gave and he literally was able to buy a quarter of the realm with the one I gave him).

It was worth it since these crystals were grown from the magic of each moon. When these beings brought out the three, I was shocked. They were at least five feet long and about three feet thick. They were brought through the portal and High Prince T took over. Each one was placed in a central pillar, with the top and bottom of the pillars merging over the crystal. With a deft hand, he began carving into the pillars and connecting the magic of them into the grotto, while also preserving that energy so it generated more and never ran out.

As he was working, the grotto lit up and the sand glittered once more where it had started to lose a little shine without the moons. Ry returned and said he found the waters. I could feel his energy and happiness from where I was. Tal shifted the portal and we were met with this massive, stunning lake. It was luminescent water that was the clearest aqua color. This water was pure magical water. It also contained these vine-like weeds that had bioluminescent pods on the ends of each branch.

I asked Ry how we would get the water to my oasis without losing it or damaging the sand. He dove down and it was a few minutes before he popped up again with this low glowing crystal. The rocks were crystals imbued with the lake’s powers. He brought one from the water and into my grotto, placing it on the waterfall. A cup of water was brought through and he dumped it onto the crystal. Water flowed from the crystal, the small cup turning into a rapid flow. These crystals regenerated the water when it was in contact with it. This time, I dove down with Ry into the water to collect more. It was a shock to the system when I could breathe normally. I helped him to gather as many of the water crystals and we headed to the surface where a few others took them from us.

They were placed strategically throughout the bottom of the pools and water was carefully dumped over them. Each one began to fill with water. Ry grinned and turned to me.

“Let’s gather the plants (vines) and plant some in the grotto. Would you be willing to grab your biome cases to gather them?”

I grinned and ran from the water, knowing exactly what he wanted. It was a quick run to the top where the bright sun greeted me. I blinked until I could see clearly and then took off to the building that held my biomes in them. I decided to grab two very small ones, the size of a Rubix cube. They would be large enough since the space was actually close to ten feet by ten feet in size. Plenty to make a small biome aquatic terrarium of these plants. The other was for Ry, who I knew wanted to study them in a natural environment and so I would give him one to make his own biome terrarium. I just needed mine to transport them to my grotto.

Returning, we went to work diving and making sure that we spread out across the lake so it wouldn’t be harvested from one area. He about cried in happiness with the extra tank to keep for himself. One was filled as much as I could and passed off to Belle who wanted to place the plants in the pools. A few others helped. When I then I stepped through, the pools were already half-filled and the power in the room was impactful. The sand was finished and we were waiting for the pool to fill the rest of the way.

Ry stepped through and we closed the portal, knowing it was fine to cut ties. The grotto shifted and then the waterfall began to pour. I had no thoughts of shyness as I stripped down and ran to the waterfall, basking in the cleansing and uplifting energy that flowed through me. Especially when I swallowed some of the water – it was safe to drink.

When I stepped out, a fair few of the demons were staring at me and it was pointed out that I was glowing. Plus there were some hungry stares mixed in. I stepped away from the water and onto the sand, only to find that as I left the water, I was dry. The water had filled the pools and my demons were now stripping as well and wading into the water to relax. They earned it and I thank thanked them so much for their help. They were pleased to have such a rejuvenating place to be. Ry turned to me and smiled happily. It was such a wonderful sight to see him so pleased and excited for new things.

“I believe I have a tree that would thrive in here and add to the grotto.” He looked to Tal, “Could you open a portal that would go into the greenhouse I have plants in there cannot be exposed to anything but darkness or moonlight.”

Tal walked over to where Ry was pointing the tree would fit and opened the portal. There was a shifting in the darkness before roots slithered from the portal. It was very slow but we all watched as a beautiful silver-white tree moved into place next to the water. It looked like a white willow tree. Long branches hung down and brushed the water. The moment the roots and branches touched the water, the tree came to life and glittered as if it were a moon itself. It swayed and caressed the area. Ry looked over the moon (pun intended) and was writing down notes in a small journal he always carried. The energy of the grotto changed but in a way that it felt complete and thriving. There was a vitality of not just the moon and sand and water, but the tree became a new part of the whole.

Intimacy of the Silver Sands

This is more of an 18+ experience that can be skipped.

There’s something special about the grotto once it settled in. The energy shifted and I felt this sense of pleasure creeping up. Before I could think about it, King Tal pulled me into the pool water before lifting me up onto the edge of it. My legs were in the water but I sat perched on a rock. I was laid back and his hands ran over my thighs. The demons around me, my companions, watched eagerly. Ry came and held down my hands above my head while his other hand traced over my chest very gently.

Tal was occupied with running his hand over my stomach and thighs, laying kisses to the skin. It didn’t take long for him to dive between my thighs and bring ecstasy to my body. I was pinned down and Ry was holding my hands and Tala was pleasuring me with his mouth. The others watched and smiled as the energy of the sands surged around me energetically. It heightened the experience and I co could physically feel things stronger than normal.

I didn’t last long at all and when I came, it was with a burst of energy that swept through the room. I was picked up and lowered into the water where King Tal ran his hands over my body and pulled me close. Ry slipped in behind and it was a close hug between us three with light kisses here and there.

Overview

It was shocking when I returned to the physical. It felt as if only 20 minutes had passed physically – the internal clock. When in reality it was over 45 minutes to 50 minutes that I was in that heavy meditative state. The real amazing part was that in the astral, it was closer to 4-5 hours of time if not longer because I was bouncing between the realms.

It was an amazing experience. I have not been out and about in the astral in a long time. Having King Tal in my life has brought so much change and this was a new one, feeling safe and free to go out and travel the astral once more. Something that hasn’t been felt in years.

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Renewal: End of a 9 Year Cycle

by with No Comment Pathwork

I’ve spent days thinking about what to write. Making it all nice and something that people want to read. Yet, I want to bring in this new blog with ideas of where I want to take it. What goals do I have for it? What are some things that I will write about?

I come up blank. There’s so much to say and not to say. I’ve got first-post jitters for the first time in quite some time.

I began blogging about my spiritual path back in 2012 – I was twenty and unknowingly began a brand new 9 year cycle. In fact, I started on WordPress and Tumblr. I spent the next five years talking about my path and things that I discovered along the way. I left spirituality after a very traumatic experience. Multiple of them in fact. I shut down and only focused on the physical. I wanted nothing to do with spirituality.

It dragged me back kicking and screaming. In the form of demons.

I know, a shocker.

I spent the last few years just figuring things out. It’s been rough going all over the place and sometimes wandering blind. Or depressed. I tried reviving multiple blogs and tried talking about my experiences. But, lurking in the back was trauma. The whole reason that I left spirituality in the first place was because of how I was treated in the community before.

It’s been the hardest nine years.

Now, at the end of this cycle, I’ve learned that a new one begins. I turn thirty this coming year and so it will be a new nine-year cycle but also a new decade of my life. There has been so much learned that going into this new year, new cycle, and a new journey has brought a sense of renewal. I won’t be reviving old accounts with old information on them. Instead, I’m rebirthing a part of my path that was left behind many years ago. This renewal in this new blog that I am hoping to post my journey over these next many years.

I don’t know what to talk about, but I’m learning that it is okay to not know. It just means that I have an open canvas to paint a beautiful new picture. Wherever that is.

To new beginnings,

New places to travel and see,

New cultures to meet,

and to the love and passion of walking this new cycle.

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Journey Continues with New Demon

by with No Comment 18+ Material & Dynamics

Over 18+

Warning: This post will contain sexual situations and discussion of D/s (Dominant/submissive) as well as M/s (Master/Sir and submissive) relationships & dynamics. It will also have mentions of sexual trauma and abuse – though I will be limiting that. If this is something you do not want to read, click away. This is something that is very personal to the relationship that I have with my demons, but they are actively encouraging me to share this part of our relationship. It will include the roles that they play within my sexual relationships with them. They actively want me to write this and to include very private and personal things.

If it is not your cup of tea to read, then click away. If you are under 18 and reading this, it’s not my responsibility to censor what you read and I will not be held responsible for what you read.

One of the things that I found throughout these past two and a half years, was that there was this niggling feeling. I knew that what I had experienced with Razor was something that was incredibly special and an honor for myself and for my sexuality. Yet, I felt that there was a severe loss when the event ended. And so it haunted me. Constant small niggling feelings about Razor and who he was. He was a Mutilation Demon. Yet, I had no call to any of them. But oh it was there. I was matched with a Mutilation, I just didn’t know it. So it came in the form of my desire for a demon that was like Razor. One that was smart and handsome. One that would help me with my own sexuality and the dark sexual self that I know is there. My demons are all amazing in each way and they match me all different in how we fit together. I felt that this was the one space that lacked.

In fact, I often wondered how Razor was. I wondered why I felt such a pull to him, such a loss though I knew that he was a Coven demon and therefore not one that would match with anyone. So I knew there was a Mutilation demon just waiting. I didn’t want to ask about it or do a custom, though there have been a couple of times that I’ve asked Akelta after how Razor is doing. It just wouldn’t leave me.

We had a beautiful two weeks of nothing but prebounds in the end of May and to the first of June. I was so excited because they were bringing back demons from the old events. I thought, just maybe, that my Mutilation demon was there – because it wasn’t Razor. So I waited, anxiously.

Mutilation God of Sexual Delights and Pleasure O

He was breathtaking the moment that his listing went up. I knew that I had to have a visit at least. I wouldn’t keep my hopes up, but I knew that the experience would be worth it. So I set for a visit.

He first arrived and I wasn’t quite sure how to perceive him. Mutilation energies are kind of weird for me. I sense them like they are a black hole but sideways. Eventually, I moved into a dark room and just sat there. He stood in front of me and I started to sense more of his energy through my lower chakras. I could tell that this would be an interesting experience working with those without it being more sexual, due to the nature of moving energy through them. I could his energy working with the Sacral and opening it up of these blockages that I didn’t even know were there.

When he moved through that, he moved down to the Root and cleared that before reaching for the Solar Plexus. Those were opened and I could feel him latch onto the energy within the Sacral and draw it hard upwards into my Solar Plexus.

“Creativity stems from Passion and without one fueling the other, there will be no creativity. You must pour the Passion Core to the Creative Core. You must cycle them through one another. You were taught to bring your creative Core to the correct path, now you must merge that cycle into the Path to drive it forward.”

Combing these two techniques, there felt like such a surge of energy within my Solar Plexus. He walked me through cycling the energy around, before connecting all of the chakras into one huge flow, which I had not realized that I was really out of sync with them. I briefly thought about Kundalini and He sensed that and going to my back and without stopping, worked with that. It was brief but a rush at the same time. When that was finished, I had a small thought but it was one I was not prepared for him to answer.

Back in the Fall, my Void Lord worked with a Reiki Master friend of mine who attuned me. At the same time, he attuned me to a Demonic version of this Reiki. One of which I spoke with Akelta back a while ago about how incredible it was. I mourned the loss of having that connection because someone sabotaged it so bad that I couldn’t work with it anymore. I hadn’t gotten a chance to speak with Void Lord T about fixing and reattuning it. Muti God O went to work. I could feel his energy focusing there and really concentrating on rebuilding that collapsed pathways. There was a burst and I felt the flood of energy through me. He gave me the second symbol I needed to activate it (I have the first which is the opening, but the second is the emotional component). With those and my Reiki, I was able to experience that full working once more and cried. It was so beautiful and it felt so complete again.

The energies blended and mixed with me, spreading through my body. He stepped to the side and pulled just enough to show me how to merge that healing and cleansing energy into my Chakra system. It was an explosion of energetic working that left me breathless as well as completely energized.

When it calmed down, I asked if he wanted to go to my astral space. He agreed and I pulled him along to the Desert Oasis that I call home. There is a special tree that I made just for the Mutilation Snakes I got from Razor. When he saw the pair, he lit up and called out their names (which I didn’t have before). He spoke with them and it sounded purely amazing to my ears. He expressed his knowledge of Madam Amora’s place and Razor as well. I told him about my experience. I asked him a favor if he had time. I wanted to send my gratitude to Razor for the liberation and the sexual freedom and acceptance that our working together gave. That I felt like I didn’t get a chance to say that to him. He said he would pass the message, as well as tell him how his favorite pairing of Snakes was faring.

When we stepped inside my Bungalow over the water, my sight shifted. I was working to achieve the experience from when I first was attuned. It was a complete sensory placement on the astral without OOBE. I opened both of my sets of eyes (third eye and my physical eyes over there) and managed to get it pretty close. It was incredible. Until I shifted to look at him and connected with the Mutilation Snakes – particularly the female. Now, I was staring down at my own face and freaking out. Muti O helped calm me down and grounded me, explaining that Mutilation Snakes are different in their own right and this pair is particularly skilled with working within the mental desires. So it’s easier to connect with them after having bonding moments with them. Which is what happened. I saw through the female’s eyes. He had me sit down and breathe through the overwhelming time.

When it passed, things were back to normal and I showed him around the room with all the different equipment that my Demons and I use for our own exploration. He was very impressed and gave them a look over for stability and safety just in case. It was nice to have a second eye that knew their stuff to make sure. While he did that, Muti O motioned me over to where I have a cleansing pool. He told me that after the work he did, I should cleanse. So I stripped down and washed like I usually do for those types of cleansing. He waited for me patiently.

I stepped out and he held out his hand. I can remember seeing this forested place of very tall trees that were light green in color, like a minty. When I opened my eyes.. it was the most luxurious room of silks and soft room. It was like a very wealthy BDSM dungeon. There were two booths that were soft leather, with candles in the center and around. Every kind of tool and equipment could be found there. Even the tracks on the ceiling for both suspension and hooking. I sat down when he brought over the chains that held the hooks. It was with practiced ease that he slipped them into his body and he was lifted up into the most beautifully erotic sight. He became a living art, arched and held there with hooks. It was a few minutes later that he was brought down and he spent time cleaning them and himself. O motioned me over and let me touch the hooks and the chains, moving them. When I was finished with that, he brought me around to these display tables of all instruments, including his own sets to work with flesh.

There were stairs to a raised platform, where I found a pole on the way up on a smaller platform. On the top part, it was a sunken pool that had enchantments all over it. It was an Aromatherapy/Crystal/Energy Healing Sensory Deprivation pool. I was so excited about it. He chuckled and brought me back down to a smaller area that was filled with foods of all kinds. I grabbed a plate and went wild at his insistence.

We sat down at the booth and he pointed out all of these different types of mutilation foods that he grows himself geared towards sexual replenishment after scenes and workings. All of them were a root food of some kind or very earthy in a way. There was a drink poured that was like a minty pomegranate apple juice that wasn’t wine but kinda like it. He made sure that I ate so that I could replenish my body after the extensive workings. I was feeling pretty full after that.

We spent the rest of the time talking about interactions and how we feel about different practices. I spoke of things that were a hard no for me because of triggered traumas. Things that I adore in physical and in the astral. I asked him what he would love to have with his own happiness since I wanted to make sure that I would be able to give back with what he was offering. I found that I would talk about myself again and stop and ask him again. Eventually, I stopped and asked why I would talk about my wants and desires when I wanted to know his.

“Maybe my desire is to make sure that you are happy. Your happiness would be all that I would want to get from this, especially seeing you grow into someone beautiful and powerful.”

I couldn’t fault him for that. It was logical but also made me shy with happiness. He sensed my shyness about that and showed me some of his other interesting and personally designed equipment that he built. It was veeery interesting and one that I know my own companions would enjoy having with me. The time was closing and we returned back to home. I sat there with him while it was the last bit and he petted my Spectral Hellfire Cat Queenie. Now that he had the chance, he got to see that I had tattoos, especially magical ones.

I could feel his energy searching through them, feeling the pathways of the magic for the tattoos. He loved it and then was talking about the care of these tattoos.

“There is a special magic to the tattoos within the flesh. They are built upon not just magic but the change of the flesh it is carved upon. Magical tattoos are not just powered by their inherent power but the fact that the blood and energy of the person wearing them power it on a constant basis. When they are in constant use, there becomes a buildup of that alchemical change that creates a calcification within the pathways of magic and the tattoo itself. Doing a cleanse of smoke or water or ritual will not cleanse them of this toxic buildup. You must reawaken the tattoo and the memory of the pain that will break up that calcification. Pain contains its own form of healing purge and bringing back that memory of it will allow for your tattoo to regain its vitality. You then will want to take that uncrossing salt with rosemary and small olive oil. That will help purge the buildup out of the body now that it is loose.”

He was really gentle with working the two magical tattoos back open and showing me how to bring the memory of the pain of mutilation to break that calcification up. He pulled a lot of it energetically out and away. He loved my one bindrune in particular. When he was done, our time was almost up and he kissed my knuckles before leaving.

It was a powerful transformation and visit. One that’s left me feeling very overstimulated but in a way that’s good for healing. Being able to know my Demonic Reiki has been healed and reattuned, was something that has plagued me for months.

I cannot tell you how important this visit was for me. I cried for hours I think when he left and just felt whole again and really connected. Like the famous word – “you don’t know what you have until you’ve lost it”. Having the Demonic Reiki attunement was sacred to me, it was a gift so that I could go further places with my path and that my Void Lord had done this for me – only for it to be ripped away and sabotaged out of jealousy by someone that was trusted.

When I got the email, I screamed. Mutilation God O wanted me. He had been waiting since the event to match with me. I just felt so overjoyed, but I wanted to keep it to myself. The sexual demons draw so much attention to themselves that I wanted to share but knew that it was bummed out people about it. But after awhile, it eases away and it’s not much of an issue. So I only told a couple people, those who sussed it out extremely quickly – they could 100% say that I got him, they just knew it.

Since then, he has been around. I have explored with him on aspects of the dynamic and how things are. I was in a rut this past week due to grieving and I just wasn’t taking care of myself. Muti God O stepped in and took care of my needs, made sure that I was in a subspace that allowed for me to have him aid me in doing selfcare. Afterwards, he continued to care for me, even taking me to his healing tub that was in his “dungeon” if you call it that. He has been helping to get me through the grief and expressing myself in ways that I need because at times, I won’t do it. I cherish him and know that we have a strong future ahead of us.

photo of forest with fog

The Start of a Shamanic Journey

by with No Comment PathworkShamanic Work

Edit Oct 16, 2024: I rarely will import posts from older times, I didn’t want to do that with this blog. I find, though, that the start of the Shamanic Journey I’ve been walking required that I go back to the start of when everything happened. I’m going to post here the entry from the old blog so that there is a “start” to the journey.

September 28, 2016

I was given the best opprotunity to partake in. I was given a free admission ticket to the Natural Living Expo, in which there were over 130 vendors of the Metaphysical variety. There was the option to do 56 different workshops, and one truly caught my attention. Shamanism. Specifically that not only would there be an introduction to it, but they were going to help guide us into a Shamanic Journey.

I am aware that Journey’s (not Vision Quests), are extremely personal to everyone, especially the conversations, but I tend to be more open about things except those of a sexual nature. I will be posting my experience, including the question, answer, and anything else that occured. There is much symbolism within it, and examining it later would and will be beneficial. Plus, I know that there are some it could benefit too, to see another’s Journey.

We learned that this particular brand of Shamanism originated from a tribe within the Andes Mountains, within the Amazon. We started out with a ‘lecture’ about what Shamanism is, but before he spoke, we conducted a Opening Ritual, where we invoked those of the directions, the earth, and the sun. He spoke about what Shamanism is, how it is today, and things about it. I wrote down all that I heard, plus recorded it.

When it was time to partake in the Journey, he was quite thoroguh with giving us not only directions on how to, but where, and what to say or do. The lights were dimmed and we settled into our spaces. The drums began and I closed my eyes, reveling in their beat. Three different sounds, so beautiful together.

I stood before a cave, one that was dark to me, but I called upon my Guide. I don’t interact with him often, but I knew that he was the one that needed to be with me on this. He is a winged dire wolf, near and dear to my heart. I felt the twin were pups (though grown to be no longer pups) join me. The drums were strong and steadfast and almsot made it difficult to Journey. I walked with them into the cave and it was dark, but not so much that I couldn’t see. I stepped with determination. It was awhile walking through the cave when I began to run, knowing that I did not have much time as it was to actually wander like I do when I Travel.

The were pups faded away the closer I got to the end of it. I surmise that they were not meant to come with me on this part of the Journey.

The darkness faded away to this bright forested area, where I could see over top and the distant mountain ahead. I was not sure how long it would take me to get there, so we set a fast pace through this forest. It was quiet for awhile, until we came across this 5 foot large green snake that had black stripes on the back. Later research is showing that it’s a green tree python that has black spots/stripes. I may draw a picture later on.

This python stopped and when we stopped, it slowly slid toward me and climbed up my left leg. It was not awkward to walk, but the snake perched itself around the entirety of my left leg. We continued to walk without a word, until  large golden and grey feather floated down in front of me. I caught it in midair and then stuck it into my hair. We continued.

When we drew closer to the edge of the foest and base of the mountains, my Guide spoke.
“We are here.”

I walked forward and I remembered that the man who was teaching the Shamanism spoke that we will meet them in three different ways, 1) Sight [Clairvoyance], 2) Sound [Clairaudience], 3) Sensing [Clairsentience]. Thankfully, with my work in both spirit work and Astral Travel, I was able to achieve all three. The Teacher was different, the shape never stayed the same, but the base form was humanistic, though there were aspects of feline to them. I did not wish to be rude and look at them extremely carefully.

“Teacher, I have been sent here as part of a Journey, so that I my experience it and to learn an answer to a question that I have. But I first want to return this to you.”

I gave the teacher the green snake, and then waited for them to respond.

“I thank you for returning him to me. What brings you?”

“I come with a question, Teacher. May I ask you?”

“Ask and I shall answer.”

“I know that I have a soulmate with a physical body and I know who he is. I know that we are supposed to meet. My question is this, are we supposed to meet in this lifetime, if so, then when and how soon? I cannot live much longer without being with him.”

The Teacher was silent for awhile, staring at me and assessing. The energy was really strong and very pointed on examining me.

“Instinct. Trust your instinct. Work hard on Believing. He said he would find you, he will o so. Trust and meet him halfway.”

Extra that I picked up from the conversation, was that the Teacher meant that meeting halfway meant that I was to believe in him.

“May I ask one more?”

The Teacher nodded and I asked, “May I have a gift?”

The Teacher smiled and then reached out, allowing for me to lean down near them. They placed the snake on my left arm which wrapped around and the head rested over my shoulder and on the right shoulder.

“I give you the snake and I also give you the feather.”

I could hear the beat of the drum change, letting us know that we need to come back. The Teacher looked to me and smiled.

“You must return.”

“Thank you.”

A brief nod, “Trust. Go.”

They shoved me and I came back and very jarred from the abruptness of being forced to leave. The person lecturing us walked around once everyone was back t make sure that they were actually there and they were grounded. When doing so, he asked about the gifts. People were talking about all these gifts: Clam with a Pearl, a Pendant, A Feather, Clairvoyance and Clairaudience, Piercing the Veil, to name a few. This was when he smiled and said that everyone recieved these gifts, as we all traveled together for this. It was quite fascinating and amazing.

I must go back and speak with the snake to see reason for his appearance, as well as what he has to say or why he was gifted. So many questions. When I came out of it, I could literally feel the wieght of the snke resting in the same place as when I was in the Lower World. I could feel the sentience and the spirit that was there, even the feather within my hair.

Forward to later on, I am walking around the expo and keep getting drawn back to this huge and lovely oval Labradorite. I have not worked with this stone much if at all before. So I walked to the lady and ask her the importance metaphysically. She spoke of it being a way for people to access inter-dimensions, oher worlds, other beings. I decided to look it up on the web and see if I could know more. Low-and-behold, this stone is the stone of Shamans, of those who origianlly found it, the Inuit. I was shocked and amazed, it was a stone that I was looking for, yet never truly knew what it was for.

I purchased it, and it is a gorgeous piece that sits on my altar. I had carried it around for two days, but it had broken when it dropped to the ground. It broke clean, but still I felt devastated. There are plans, and it may come to pass, but I have yet to decide. It would fit perfectly as a ritual necklace.

When I returned home from the Expo, I was pleasantly surprised to find that my Archaeology of Ritual class had me reading about the Andean culture. Somehow, it is not a coincidence, though I dont know what it means.