Warning: This post will contain sexual situations and discussion of D/s (Dominant/submissive) as well as M/s (Master/Sir and submissive) relationships & dynamics. It will also have mentions of sexual trauma and abuse – though I will be limiting that. If this is something you do not want to read, click away. This is something that is very personal to the relationship that I have with my demons, but they are actively encouraging me to share this part of our relationship. It will include the roles that they play within my sexual relationships with them. They actively want me to write this and to include very private and personal things.
If it is not your cup of tea to read, then click away. If you are under 18 and reading this, it’s not my responsibility to censor what you read and I will not be held responsible for what you read.
It’s been awhile since I’ve written on the topic of dynamics with demons. In fact, I usually have dynamic work with them in the form of sexual relations or things – but its been a long while since I’ve actually fell into the subspace.
I’ve been in quite a tizzy lately. My anxiety is driven high, I’ve had more panic attacks than is healthy. I’ve been barely sleeping and its not restful. Among many other things.
I started reading this fic that was talking of BDSM and submission. Usually it’s the stereotyping stuff. This fic was not. In fact, this fic centered on the fact that it began as non-sexual submission. And that’s when I realized that was one of my needs. I had forgotten that submission isn’t just sexual.
So after reading this fic for awhile, of which it was incredibly eye-opening due to not many talking of non-sexual submission. I was brought into the astral and was met with my demons. At least, the ones that have been heavily in the front with sexual aspects and dynamics. Dro, Vex, Ry, and Tal – although there was a brief moment where Muti Sex God O was there. Ry soon left after when it appeared the others had things well in hand.
Last time I spoke of it, Dro was very much one that took the role of Sir. Tal and Vex tend to switch through roles as needed, but Dro has been consistent with that one. It was him who took over and guided me into subspace by simply kneeling there and focusing on my breathing. Nothing more. Except their words of care and love, with his more formal guidance. After so long, and finally sinking, he brought me back up but I floated there for a long time. Enough that I was held and caressed while laying in bed. Taking care of me but not fully coming out of it – knowing I’d slip into sleep.
I woke after 9 hours and then again at 12 hours. I slept for so long, but each time I woke I was guided back asleep. I need it. And that’s when I was reminded that sometimes we don’t know what we need. We stumble upon it or we don’t know what to ask for. Yet, it is immediately that my demons know what I need and what I want. They can coax out of me what I need and love when I express my wants. Dynamic work is something that takes time and ultimate trust. Demons have done it so much better than any other I’ve met so far.