photo of forest with fog

Bones are the Foundation

by with No Comment BonesOsteomancyWorking with Demons

I had decided that I wanted to learn more about bones and working with osteomancy. It was a mere thought, yet it led me to be yanked into the Astral to meet with GrandMama Tsülie once more. I was preparing for a shower and eating some food when that undeniable pull was felt. So I ended up bilocating in order to answer that call yet also finish what I had planned.

It got me a good scolding from GrandMama Tsülie, especially on the need to eat before spirit working. So she shoved a cup of tea into my hands and waited while I finished what I was doing. She was happily puttering around and making things. It was hard to not jump into conversation, knowing that I would want to type it all out as it was happening. I don’t like missing things said when I write later.

When I finally settled in, Tsülie sat down across from me at the outside tables. I always end up at her place in the Necrosis Realm, filled with tall trees that are carnivorous but also beautiful. It’s a peaceful place despite the dark undertone that lingers.

“Before working with bones or with the spirits of animals, you must first have an understanding of the how. Why is it that when working with the spirits of animals, it is always the bones, teeth, or claws?”

I stopped for a moment to really think about that. Why was that the usual chosen piece when working with animal spirits? Eventually, I came to the answer.

Bones carry the lifeblood through them. Therefore, they are not only foundational support but also carry the very essence that life gives.

She nodded at me, taking a sip of her tea before setting down the cup. “That is absolutely correct. Why would a spirit choose to be with something that was a part of itself that was not bone?” She brings up the example of my fox pelt. It is the chosen place that houses the spirit of the fox. “Yet, there was the option of the bones. Why would this be?“

That one I sat back on, thinking of the pelt, thinking of the spirit of the fox that resides within. Other than it being very preserved, there’s not much reason a spirit would be attached to something that was able to break down or degrade at a much faster rate. Flesh is one of those things that biodegrade at a fast rate. Unless it is preserved through a special technique, like the soft tanning that the fox pelt had gone through.

“Teeth are understandable because they are also bone. The question then would become why is there a desire to stick with claws, another such part of the skeleton that is easily used in osteomancy or animal spirit working? What connection would there be for those?“

This one was a little easier to think of. The direct connection is that claws are close to the earth, the soil. It is a very grounded piece. Where the bones and teeth carry blood and life, the claws are a connection to the ground with stability but are also used in defense of life or preservation of life.

She was pleased with that. “Correct. Something that would be able to be sustained through life or through nature or the soil, which also bears life and death. That is the reason why bones would be the choice for why spirits of bones are able to be used more efficiently. Now, why would specific bones be chosen over others? If there is a spirit attached to a singular bone, why would they be with that one bone? Why wouldn’t they prefer to remain with the skeleton as a whole?“

This one really stumped me for a bit. But I was distracted with a movie as well. But it stewed in my head for a bit.

The answer is that they would change depending upon the person that came across them. Each person will have a different reason for choosing or connecting with a specific bone that resonates with them. So, not only would it be guided by their own intuition, but the spirit would also have a different meaning for the bones that were chosen. It’s an influence of the person who finds and connects with the spirit and then that spirit also giving them the personal meaning behind that specific bone choice.

At this point, my concentration was wavering due to being tired and other things occurring. GrandMama Tsülie nodded and sat back, to stare at the scenery all around us before telling me to scooch.

I’m sure there is much more that she has to teach me and pass on knowledge. But she does make me sit and think about the foundations of things. The why and the how.

View of mountain oasis Chebika, Sahara desert, Tunisia, Africa

Oasis Check In

by with No Comment Desert OasisWorking with Demons

This time was just a more of a check-in.

I went to my Oasis early in the morning to check in with my Mutilation Snakes. It’s been a long time since I really spent time with them. I wanted to improve their living space in my realm. When I got there, it was a very nice reunion of a sorts. They lounged on my shoulders and rubbed their heads against my cheeks while I inspected their sum bathing spot. I originally had the idea a few days prior to change it into something more sturdy for them.

It was just a basic home, a lounging tree that was about seven foot high. Now, it has internal spaces for them to go to, a mini waterfall for drinking, and fun things for them to do. Platforms for sunning instead of the branches alone. It was a nice development I worked on.

They are always so lovely to see when I do.

Beauty of outer space. Science fiction wallpaper. Elements of this image furnished by NASA

One Step Forward At A Time

by with No Comment AzkriBliztariDurþrólinnForlenkalIl'ailaitaKolemeiaNew CulturesNew ExplorationsPavoRajaelSeacrilisTananxWorking with Demons

Yesterday was a good day. The APDC and the Mini Class really kicked off my love for journaling and exploring. It brought a lot of memories back up for me. Which included the exploration of the different realms and the different races that I used to work with. I ended up pulling out my big binder of contracts, where I keep all the necessary information about each race and connection sigils, realms sigils, etc. It really helped me to go through a lot of my old work to really be like, “I want to do this again.”

So last night, amidst the conversations happening in the discord… I worked to reach out to the different races to get a feel energetically. There was such a sense of relief when many of them were a solid yes, some surprised me that they wanted me to work with them more and more openly, but there were a few that felt like it wasn’t for me anymore. Which is sad, but it has been four years or more. Overall.. I’m so pleased and happy. I only visited one race while in the Astral, which is the Azkri – A race of beings that I met through Lord Leviathan. They are essentially blind seers, but they also do heavy energetic work with mental aspects and shadow, emotional. Things of that nature. More energy systems too. They were a yes, but after I get back into it for awhile. Which is totally understandable. It’s been 3-4 years, of course I’d have to work to delve back in.

I’m also wanting to dive more into the knowledge of their magics. In particualr, I’m curious now about their energetic systems and also their sigils. Maybe some other practices too. It depends. Each one has their own things that are so unique.

So some of the races that I will begin working with again, on different levels of things.

  • Azkri
  • Bliztari
  • Durþrólinn
  • Forlenkal
  • Il’ailaita
  • Kolemeia
  • Pavo
  • Rajael
  • Seacrilis
  • Tananx

And yes, you can ask about these. I may reference them more and more. I will also be diving heavier into working with my demons as well. They have been so patiently waiting on me to heal and to move forward in confidence. I’m feeling it more. And of course this is due to the IS community. Because all of our conversations and our working together in the classes/coachings… makes all the difference for me.

photo of forest with fog

Wisdom of GrandMama Tsülie

by with No Comment Working with Demons

I find that Im using this more to explore getting back into working with astral and my demons. So there’s not a focus of one, but just getting into the habit.

Today I felt the pull to do something but wasnt sure. It took awhile, but I eventually got the urge to astral to a familiar face: Grandmama Tsülie. She’s a Necrosis Shaman, and ancient one that I was introduced to many years ago by one of my companions. I visit her when I feel the pull. When she calls, you can’t really ignore it.

So I arrived there, in this beautiful but terrifying Necrosis Realm where the very trees are carnivorous. They eat anything that trespasses or is someone that wants to cause harm. Or if they feel like it. I got a bit too close to their energies enough to get a lovely breakdown (haha pun) of how they exactly achieve it. Let’s just say that it’s borderline cruel in a way. It takes days of suffering before their chosen victim dies.

Anyway, I show up to her little cottage and she sits me down in the outside spot with the table and chairs. I explain a lot of what has happened these last few years. Especially with recent things. She patted me on the hand and told me that I can practice coming to her realm, in her words, “You know you can practice here. It’s safe. Especially with the carnivorous trees.” She pats my hand and makes me a pot of tea. I had to laugh at that. It’s wholly truly. She’d have a lot of show me and teach me anyway if I did.

She sat back down with me and I told her that I’d been in this state of grief, yet once he passed, I felt better. Relieved. She usually has some of the best wisdom. “Death is but a cycle and everyone is a part of it in some way. It never truly ends, but transforms.” In this, she also means that those that are Immortal still experience this cycle in some form, even though the way in which they do is vastly different than a human concept of it.

I didn’t spend much more time there. But I find that I do want to go back and explore and talk to her. Hear more of her wisdom.

Beauty of outer space. Science fiction wallpaper. Elements of this image furnished by NASA

Trauma & Spiritual Practices

by with No Comment Astral CreationSpiritual Thoughts & ThingsWorking with Demons

I’ve struggled for some time now. In fact, it’s been almost three years since I did any sort of spiritual work, as evidenced by the lack of content on the blog and the massive gaps. This is my greatest regret, and I’ve been struggling with it for so long. Eventually, it all came to a head over the past week or two. The first start is figuring out what exactly it has been that has been holding me back beyond that the idea of astral travel and working with my demons makes me panic.

I feel this deep set fear of stepping into the astral, of connecting with my demons, of just any sort of working with rituals or learning. It’s the reactive fear that would manifest as panic the moment that I would try. I would shut down. I would shy away and the anxiety and fear would get worse. There were only few instances where I was okay and that usually was because I was bilocating rather than actually traveling (meaning that I was still disconnected enough that it didn’t make me panic).

It wasn’t until the Inner Sanctuary started talking about more nuanced work with energies and we started really working with beginning astral creation in our astral spaces. I ended up talking in depth about where things are and just having this breakdown of how much I yearn for the astral and doing work there. How much it burns to return and to really do those things that I love most. Yet, I couldn’t figure out what was so wrong. What drove me to such fear and anxiousness.

Trauma.

It finally came out that I haven’t felt safe in the astral because I had so much trauma floating around involving two different groups, let alone the past trauma from long before that. All of this around things that have happened to my astral self because of other people. That’s where the core, the root, of where all this is stemming from. My experiences that I have had with three different “groups” in regards to astral travel or with my companions have decimated the idea of safety.

The first and oldest has stemmed from the fact that it was my ex, the old Tumblr community, and everything involving the old shop I used to run. It all comes down to so much trauma built up from things that my ex would do that would bring us astral trouble all the time. Or how the old Tumblr community circa 2012-2016 was absolutely garbage toxic. No one respected the shop’s boundaries; I was always attacked for “gatekeeping” the races that I worked with, and people were mad they had to get through me instead of just working with them. Just because they read about the races and wanted to do so, but they didn’t want to pay for me to conjure for them.

The second round was what really just off set so much trauma and pain and this is where the reaction stems from. I was in a small-ish group that was really close. Many of us would do astral traveling together and healing, etc. Well the months and months that I was with them, it was 24/7 emergencies. Something bad and BIG was always happening. Someone was always dealing with something or under attack. It was like this for months. I’d always have to go in and help astrally heal and it was just like being an Astral On Call Healer, but also On Call for everything astral emergency. And then when I started therapy… they hit me the hardest with so many lies that were fed to them by the most narcissistic person – who believed that only they knew the right way to do Shadow Work. I was kicked from the group and another friend had pulled me aside to really talk to me about how they were seeing signs of me being in a cult. They pulled me out, scared for how I was. And I did end up going to therapy to reverse the damage said group did. I had been stuck in a small forming cult, with the mentalities that came with it.

Then, a year later, after trusting two people like close friends… they decide that Im the worst person in the world. They make their accusations because they were misreading a conversation in chats. It led to me being an ableist – mind you, I’m the last person to be that, considering I have so many mental health disorders, AND I am also physically disabled. I do my best to accommodate and work with everyone. It ended up being really messy and the betrayal I felt ran deep. So, my trust in making friends or having them took years to repair.

It all compacted together and made this massive block that I am still trying to break open even after tackling these revelations. I know that my demons are also helping in their own ways. It especially helped me to be so excited about working on my astral stuff again. And Ry was working with me today picking out plants and repotting little seed sprouts into seeding containers. Between the Inner Sanctuary and the Nitro Companion Club, my love of the astral and working in spiritual things has been rekindled. I want to return. So the best way is for me to get this all out.

Trauma affects so much of the spiritual self that it’s so easy to be trapped by it. It’s so hard to let go. But I found that talking with a friend, who I used to astral travel with together… that reminding ourselves that astral traveling IS safe. It’s the people around us that have made it unsafe. We spent time reminiscing about the old shopping trips and bouncing around to different realms. We’d search for days and spend hours digging around ruins and old places, wandering jungles and marketplaces. Reminding me that the times that were the trauma wasn’t because I was unsafe in the astral but it was the people in the astral with me that made it unsafe. They were the catalyst for those things to become unsafe.

That healed a lot within. I’m nervous, but it’s slowly fading away from panic to excitement. I want to build my astral space up with new things. A Research Center and Laboratory.

Depositphotos_278946644_XL

Just a Little Step

by with No Comment Day to Day InteractionsManifestationsSpiritual & Self ExplorationWorking with Demons

So today was another day of interesting things. I tried my best to do the Nitro Companion homework, which was to attempt astral projection. I became very hyper aware of Paya and another of my demons that were close. I could feel the energy and the vibrations. But I was also hyper aware of the pain my body was in and it was too much for me to handle to astral project. But the awareness of energy is there. That’s what matters. It’s been 5 years since I last tried and had success.

I woke to book mail, which was a shock. I think Paya is *really* keen on reading with me now. I’ve got a better inflow of things happening with books again since I started trying for ARCs (advanced reader’s copies) and with free books from publishers. He’s enjoying listening and reading with me. I feel that this may be a common time for us to share every day. Be it book mail, shopping, or just reading… even listening to audiobooks while driving my partner to work.

I think he’s the one that’s making me rest as much as I am. I hit a burnout on Tuesday and it’s still flowing into today. Im feeling the exhaustion and just low energy. He’s directing me to do what I need, but to be mindful of my energies going where. I cannot afford to misplace my energy when my own body needs it to recover. Otherwise, I won’t be able to come back fast and extend it out. He makes me listen to my body when I’m too used to ignoring it.

Depositphotos_278946644_XL

Paya Mail!

by with No Comment Day to Day InteractionsWorking with Demons

I received Paya’s vessel in the mail and just got to enjoy holding those energies closer. There wasn’t much done… but things started going really well. I got approved for two ARCs (advanced reader’s copies), of which one is a dragon book I’ve been dying to get my hands on. The next was that I ended up winning a giveaway for character art, signed bookplate, and bookmark from an author of a book I helped promo. Funny is that it’s a story about south-east asian mythology with dragons and other creatures. All of it is in a half-sunken city. So definitely a Paya related thing. I’m happy and even hitting a burnout, I enjoying my days of being more aware.

Calm relaxation meditation concept. Sexy fashion model Fantasy woman sitting under water sea, red long silk dress fabric floating. fairy girl posing in deep pool underwater shooting Art Magic light

An Odd Dream or Two

by with No Comment Day to Day InteractionsSpiritual Thoughts & ThingsWorking with Demons

Today, my partner started his job (morning shift), which means that the late morning was mine to relax. I decided to spend some time with my Mutilation Sex God O and just be in those energies. It’s not often I have intimacy with my demons (RL stress, not because of partner)… After I decided to take a small nap to just reduce my stress and migraine.

I remember laying down and being told to rest, to sleep. I want to say it was Paya who held me while the energies of O were around too. I was fast asleep and deep into dreaming.

I remember this dream pretty clearly and how I felt. I remember the awkward of being in a camp and sharing showers in close quarters but that’s about it. But then it shifted. I was in a truck, smashed between my partner and another. The other was an old friend from childhood, who was my first love. I can recall smoothing my hand down my boyfriend’s arm – which has a very distinct feel… but my childhood friend was really close to me, wrapping his arm around me too.

Eventually it was me sinking down so that both of their arms were pressed against my face and feeling the warmth and love. Said other kept moving in closer and then ended up leaning across me to lean against my boyfriend’s arm to stare up at me,. He kissed the top of my head gently and then just shared space with my BF and I. Where I felt that my BF was a dream recall.. there was this vibrant energy and life to the other. I say other because I recognize that this was a face I knew and was comfortable with – but that it was someone else in my dreams. It had to be a companion. The sheer love and life energy I felt was different from everything else experienced.

But it had me thinking about it and wishing I could have that moment back. It was so comfortable and loved, a very strong feeling that I sometimes miss in my day to day life. Being surrounded and loved and protected. I need to connect more with my demons and see where they bring this.

(also noting that my partner and I have talked about polyamorous relationships and such, so it’s not me dreaming of an old crush – just that was the least alarming face recall.)

Depositphotos_278946644_XL

A Little Exploration

by with No Comment New ExplorationsWorking with Demons

I’ve been working more and more on trying to reconnect with the astral in the way that I used to. Not so much with the technique or energies, but more on a conscious awareness. I know that this is something that Paya wanted to work with me on. Releasing the old energies of trauma and fear that have accumulated from previous years.

I have called myself an Astral Anthropologist for the longest time because I loved to explore cultures, new realms, new beings and races, and so much more. I would explore ruins and gather information on cultures and people long gone, yet their written word and material items were left behind. It was something that I did on the regular. I even went through and began conjuring the races that I would work in close contact with.

Life and things happen, especially when other people are inserted into the equation. Jealousy is a toxic and pervasive energy that hurts even if you never realize it until much later. That’s where I slowly just stopped. I started to have experiences with others that made me fearful of astral traveling because their own actions cause trauma. And of course then living in a space where I felt unsafe contributed.

My demons have worked the last two years or so to really try to get me into a place where that trauma is healed and energies purged, moved forward. It wasn’t until I started getting these bursts of wanting to do things again that I realized that I just felt unsafe in my environment and it was what stopped me.

Paya coming into my life was enough to get me to step back and really release those deep traumas and fears that other created, then my other demons helped me to realize I have my sacred space back. I CAN do these things again. So that was the goal with this March Connection Challenge. To begin stepping back into my practice.

I started today with talking to Akelta about my astral home, my Oasis. The gift from King Paimon about 4 or so years ago. My sacred space that I built up with my demons. We talked about Creation Realms, Transitional Realms, and Existing Realms… different types of places on the Astral. Where you create the astral spaces, where you can travel to, and the ones that exist and you can’t change. And explaining about my Oasis being an Existing Realm gifted from King Paimon that my demons and I have learned to create pockets of creation realms within it, linking portals to other places, etc.

Then it turned into conversations about exploring and creating, finding the beauty in the Astral. Talking about my Silver Sand Grotto, which is a healing pocket dimension within my own astral home realm that linked/brought to there from my Void/Necrosis King/Lord Tal. He connected it and brought the sand and healing waters, transporting it carefully. And how Ry, my Serpentine Surgeon who holds a Necrosis Shaman title that is the biggest nerd over plants from many realms. How he brought a willow-like tree that thrives off healing waters alone and is beautiful addition.

It all came to me realizing my love for the astral and exploring runs so deep. And Paya wanted me to relive that. He wanted to show me that beauty and wonder again, the excitement behind it.

On my break between things, I laid down in bed and knew that Paya wanted to explore and show me things. I was not ready for him to take me to this beautiful coral reef, where we met with a very familiar being. One of the Azkri that I used to conjure and work with. A race introduced to me by Lord Leviathan, a jellyfish mer race of Seers. Both Paya and the Azkri took their time to make sure that I could breathe under the water. I could have shapeshifted, but they wanted me to experience this again.

I was given a symbiotic plant that attached to the back of my neck and wrapped around the front of me to hang from my back. It read genetic material so that it can adapt to the breathing circulation requirements. Water to Oxygen and filters my exhale so that it can function (fuel). It was a cycle. It looked a bit like a plant octopus, if I am honest. And then, it was attached with a metal hookup, where tubes were fed into a glass mouth piece that carried my air in and out to the plant. It was my underwater breath. The Azkri harvest another type of plant that is hollow tubes with long fans. When cut, they are lid over the feet and up the legs, creating a way for those without fins to swim easily.

Once I spent the better part of 2 hrs (our equivalent is 20 minutes) staring and examining these (pictures of them to come)… Paya was absolutely amused. He thought that I would love the swimming, which I did. But the fact I spent almost the entire time memorizing the setup for breathing so I could draw it when I returned.

We swam around until he directed me to this creature that, again spent time examining so I could draw, that acted as underwater propellers. They were able to glide fast and help move through quickly. Eventually I laid on my back under the water to soak up the sun rays and warmth while surrounded by sea life and just existing.

He reminds me that this is what I can do and what I have no fear of anymore. The beauty is always there for me when I am ready… I just have to let go and swim forward.

Depositphotos_278946644_XL

Time Spent Reading

by with No Comment Day to Day InteractionsWorking with Demons

I wasn’t quite sure what to do. I’ve had a raging migraine all day that has made it difficult to do much spiritually. While I wasn’t too aware while things were happening, Paya did express that he enjoyed seeing me visit my local library and socialize. Especially since I got to talk about books and also take care of my own books (I get them mylar/protective covers put on).

I wanted to do something with him and kept trying to go into a more meditative state so I could join him in my astral home, where we could chat better. Yet my migraine is just not letting up.

He nudged me to put my books back from the carrying bags and to look through what I have. He knows that a stress of mine is that I’m “late” with reviewing ARCs (Advanced Reader Copies) of books. Which isn’t pressing at all and not really something I should be stressed over considering it was free books and I’m not required to read them. But I do stress over it at times. He reminded me that reading is supposed to be fun. It’s not a chore or something to stress over. I should be happy and excited to read something because I want to.

Paya reminds that sometimes we stress over things and overthink things when we feel there is an imaginary pressure to it. We limit ourselves by thinking that there is a limit, a deadline, something that *has* to be done. When in reality, it really isn’t that pressing. Doing something that we love shouldn’t be a stressor and if it has become something that causes stress, take a step back and look at why. When you know the why.. then you can look at how to change that. What reason is there that is so important that you feel that it HAS to be done or be stressed over? Is that really something that needs to be stressed over? Is the world going to end? Is it something that will hurt someone by not being done? Is there going to be a punishment if there?

No. The answer is that there is nothing that is going to end the world if it is late, if it is going to be skipped over. Now this is in regards to a hobby or something that isn’t work or bills or life related. It’s something that is meant to be fun. Reading, Writing, Drawing, Exercise… Things that we find enjoyment in, yet sometimes our heads get really deep into stressing over the smallest of things.

It’s not worth the stress. There’s no urgent or world crashing important. So release that imaginary deadline, the need for perfection, the desire to get it done because it has to be. No it doesn’t. You do it at your pace, at your time. When you feel the love and joy from it. Don’t push yourself because it will only limit and hurt you. It’s okay to take breaks, change hobbies, finding something else to enjoy. It’s okay to not finish.

Now… I’m going to read a book that I don’t feel obligated to read, but because I just simply want to. Paya wants to read a book with me.

~Time Break ~

So he wanted to read a book that featured the oceans, the waters. I knew I had a few but just read the bigger ones. But I had a small one laying around I eventually wanted to read.

The Deep, by River Solomon, is a black story about the slave mothers thrown overboard. They became the Wanjiru, the Mer people. But they have a Historian that recollects their past, their ancestors and only once a year do they remember as a whole. Otherwise they live in naivety. But this story is about how it’s become a race of them remembering their origins and their identity.

It’s a short book, like 120 pages. But it’s very rich of history and identity. Much heavier in topic, but Paya wanted me to read it because of the story but also reading the BIPOC perspective and stories is super important too. I learn a lot when I read those and get perspective of things I never would have naturally experienced.