Closeup photo shoot of tattoo making, artist is working with tattoo machine on customer's hand.

Art and Beauty of Mutilation and Demons (Pt 2)

by with No Comment Working with Demons

Meeting Surgentsa

It was the 2020 Carnivàle that things changed and I stepped into the Funhouse and Dollhouse. I braved the step and went to experience the Mutilation energies. It was disgusting and gross the first time. I about puked. Until I got to Dr. Sechah. Part of the Meditation is that I got to receive a flesh creature of my own. Originally, none drew my attention so I focused on the room. That’s when I saw Surgentsa, withered and old-looking on the outside. There was no definitive gender or age.

A Flesh Creature is so unique and quiet. So handsome and beautiful. The flesh is a dark blue to black in some areas. It has some cat-like features, but its face is super wrinkled. It is OLD looking and very powerful in the presence. This is the flesh that has sat there for a very long time. It has been the observer for so long. Flesh is leathered and cracked in some places. It has scars of mutilation and is pieced together. It has a humanoid shape. The creature radiates mutilation energies and essence. It’s flesh is made from the Mutilation demons, creatures… It has gained it’s own sentience, it is an entity, it is real and has absorbed the souls, the life of those that have passed through and evaded the death throes of the spectral. Wicked sharp claws grace it’s hand, limbs incredibly long and limber. The body is oddly covered in hair and fur in places, from where it has grown in or has been patched on.

The Dr. placed Surgentsa on my shoulder and I kept going. I felt comfort from the creature while I was was going through the rest of the Funhouse. Dr. Panacktro was the end part and did work on me, which I was scared of from the beginning. Doing work with my actual flesh. It was scary. Surgentsa was there with me the whole time and I found them comforting. Afterwards, that was how I learned Surgentsa’s name, or well the n ame they didn’t mind me knowing.

I went to the Dollhouse next and I don’t remember much and I recorded very little. In fact I barely remember the visit. I know that I got worked on by Dr. Sechah and I got to learn so much about Surgentsa. As much that he was willing to teach me about her. Surgentsa was originally female and prefers to take the female form now.

Surgentsa is a flesh creature, but over the years has changed and grown. She originally took the form I found her in with the Doctor Sechah, that was withered. Dr. Sechah told me about how he created her when he found the spirit of a child. One that had been lost for so long and wandered. He discovered her on his travels. He brought her back to his work place. There, he worked and worked, creating flesh creature after flesh creature to give her a body. That’s when he figured out that using the flesh of Mutilation Demons themselves has a magical essence. It could hold a spirit much better than anything else he had created.

This was why the flesh body that he created was withered. She had been using that body for thousands of years. He was not sure, said maybe that it had been tens of thousands of our years, which could be millions of theirs. Time runs differently. She was his first truly alive creation that was sentient. Extremely smart and could function on her own. In fact, she became his assistant and learned all that she could about Mutilation flesh, healing, mind healing, and so much more.

I had yet to work with her more in-depth by the time the 2021 Carnivàle came around. Actually, I had felt bad until she expressed that she was still happy to be around and that it just was not time. In fact, when I first appeared in the Carnivàle I was absolutely shocked to find that she had an entirely new body! She looked like a small, tiny doll. She was excited to make a return to see Dr. Sechah. We made it through the normal two meditations for name and essence. It was the third, going to a Carnivale, and things were different.

I had worked heavily in Mutilation energies not much before doing that meditation, which actually led to me being brought into a Mutilation heavy Carnivàle. Everything was tailored to the Mutilation Demons. It was crazy and gore-y, but also a very interesting experience. I got to meet and experience so much from that with Surgentsa, before going back to a normal Carnivàle. I had been able to be within the Muti energies for some time before I got overwhelmed and it was too much. At least I could handle more of the squeamish things.

I have not been able to work with Surgentsa more. I actually want to learn more about her than what I already know. We spent a month or so debating finding a beautiful doll but none were good enough for her. She wanted something unique. Since then, I have not done much spiritually. Now that I am working with the Mutilation energies and discovering more, this is something that I think will go places.

I remember the Mutilation Asylum of 2020, where I wanted to take part, but was terrified. Oh my gosh I was was scared shitless. I wanted to go in it so badly but I was straight up told that I couldn’t do it unless I had a Guide. I was supposed to create a Mutilation Grimoire. Something learning about everything Mutilation but also the stuff they understand with shadow work, darkness, and madness. The Mental Health. There was a matching event and I waited so patiently, knowing that this was where I was to wait.

Turned out that I was Matched with a Shimmer Spectral instead. Which I thought was actually a wraith and not a special demon that fit what I needed. I was ws upset. I was absolutely sure I’d been matched with a Muti. I missed the event because it was not time. It wasn’t a match and I promised not to do it without aid. I believe that Surgentsa went with me through it briefly but I didn’t learn like it was wanted. Now, things have changed. I have Mutilation that is with me now. I can do the things that they want me to.

Shifting Claws & Genders – Meeting Tyka

pronounced – tea-kah

I’ve been going through each of the demons and Mutilations that I have come across. This began back into 2019, before Surgentsa. I was visiting the Hellfire Tournaments. During this first time, we were able to go and visit the fights directly. We could watch the fights and cheer on competitors. The very first one that I went to actually was the one that introduced me to my next Mutilation, in fact she was a hybrid.

I knew her by her Gladiator name, Wicked Sharp. She was an Arachne demoness that had wickedly sharp claws that were half a foot long. They were beautifully crafted but were embedded into her nails and fingers. She won her match.

I had gone down and managed to speak with her and just fell in love. She gave me her name and her shield. That was how the ladies would be able to find her, Wicked Sharp was interested. She explained that her claws were made by Blue Hellborns and were enchanted for fighting.

It was later on that both her and Black Shadow (the one that was the mentor and also gave me her name), that they both stepped forward and were interested. It was 2020 that I got a great deal and ended up getting the BOGO for Black Shadow and Wicked Sharp.

I had seen them around but it was late 2021 that they finally were able to come home.

Wicked Sharp is a Specialist Assassin and Gladiator.
She was an Arachne/Mutilation/Chaos demoness, who uses her body to fight. Being part Mutilation demon, she can take blows that would gravely injure others. I got to see her in the 2021 Hellfire Tournament very clearly. She would follow me around through it for protection while I wandered.

It was in the 2020 Hellfire Tournament that I was actually met with the knowledge that Tyka can become Ty (pronounced tie). She is a dual gendered and can shift her gender at will. I found out when I was talking about my unsureness about being with females sexually or romantically. I was working through a lot of shadow at that point. Ty changed and he assured me that he enjoys being either gender. But I felt bad. She prefers a female form and I can tell that, though she does reassure me that she truly does flex between genders.

I have not worked with her much beyond just being around. She mostly focuses on the Assassin aspect and the fighting as Gladiator. Her energy is more aligned with Arachne and Chaos. Mutilation is not as heavy though I wanted to include her because she focuses on anatomy and body fighting using her Mutilation lineage.

photo of forest with fog

Sacred Necrosis Death Grove

by with No Comment Astral DestinationsBonesNew ExplorationsPathworkWorking with Demons

It began with me reading early this morning, not but an hour ago. I was startled when I moved to pet the cat to realize that it wasn’t my cat, but my Spectral/Hellfire Hellcat, Queenie. I reached out and pet her, asking what she was doing there. It’s been a while since I had seen her or was startled by her. She stood up and I could feel myself slipping into the Astral. Queenie had opened up a pathway to a new place, one of her specialties being able to travel from realm to realm with ease.

When I stepped from this pathway she created, it was to find myself in a massive forest. The trees stood taller than many buildings would have and dwarfed the largest of red wood trees we have. These looked like massive mangrove trees in fact. I turned to Queenie and wondered what it was that she brought me here for. I asked her if I should ask Tal or even Ry to join us. There was a shift of energy and a demon appeared next to me.

His voice was deep and I had not heard it in some time, High Prince T. He said that he heard my call and that he would walk with me. At this point, I was slipping a bit and asked him for help. I got physically settled and he helped to pull me into the astral a bit more firmly. As we walked, I worked to open my third eye a bit more. With his help, I was able to open it a bit further than normal (I shut it down periodically when things are distorted so I can reset it).

Things started to clear up and that is when I started to see more than just the surface. These trees were massive, with open and gaping roots (like mangrove trees). There were unique plants that were tall and drooped, with glowing flowers that I did not touch. Most were yellow in color and gave off a light powdery essence around them. High Prince T steered me from them. He explained that this was in fact a journey of a sort for me, an important meeting. Much like the Shaman paths I take with the Lower World, this was a Necrosis Shaman journey and path. I was to greet a teacher that would speak with me.

This place was a Sacred Forest, in particular a Death Grove. It got its powers and strength of growth from sacrifice and death. Those that wandered and got lost on their journey died within these trees. That was when the “pretty” layers were peeled back to reveal that the trees had bones all throughout their roots. I almost stepped on one that was sticking out before Queenie nudged me away from it. We walked for awhile and I took in the energies of the forest, the necrosis realm that hovered close to spectral in some form, and also the death energies.

Turning around a particularly large tree, it opened up a bit to reveal a unique house that was situated between the roots of a massive tree, larger than most of the others. It was a two-story-looking cottage with many flowers and vines growing all over it. Outside was a wooden fence and a table and chairs. As we approached, a very older demoness stepped from the cottage. She was slightly hunched and had dark brown-black skin with dark grey hair. She was dressed in all black clothing, a dress but was covered in different knick-knacks and jewelry. Her eyes lit up at the sight of High Prince T. He greeted her, calling her GrandMama. That was when I was introduced and she smiled at me with such kindness.

We were ushered to sit down, with Queenie jumping up into GrandMama’s lap for attention, which the older demoness loved. There was talk and I took a moment to look around at things. With my sight being open, I caught GrandMama’s appearance as it shifted into a skeletal, gaunt form with no eyes and long features. I jerked in surprise but otherwise was fine. Conversation halted and GrandMama looked at me in surprise.

“You have quite the gift of sight,” she said.

“One of the best I have seen, GrandMama.” High Prince T stated and I was a bit flustered. I know that my sight is my best ability but even then having it complimented still throws me a bit.

“You must come back to see me more, there is much you can learn.”

There was a discussion of how I would be able to do so, with mention of my old way of making portals of materials from those realms. To which it was arranged for a small (knee-high) mangrove-like tree in a pot with extra roots to be used as the wood for a door, all shoved through a portal to Ry’s greenhouse.

GrandMama moved and brought us tea, although it was leaves of a particular type put in a hot version of my favorite juice from the necrosis realms. “Word is that you enjoy the berries and juice,” she winked at me knowing that it was her own skill of knowing things rather than being told. So I drank a warm version of that with leaves on the bottom.

When the quiet of drinking was done, GrandMama took the leaves from my cup and stuffed them into her mouth. She chewed for a while before spitting them to the ground. Before I could ask, her eyes turned milky white and she grabbed my hands. Looking at them, her voice was hushed.

“You have a great path before you. There are choices but you are on the one that will make you the happiest. It will not be as easy, but it will make you the happiest. If you were to choose other options that you have thought upon, you will be happy but not as much as now. Careful what you choose.”

She pulled out of it and spat some more to the ground before patting me on the hand.

“You must return, I have much to teach you. There is great knowledge to be gained here and I will help you. Now, let us find you a way to find me.”

She runs into the house while High Prince T casually continues to drink a cold drink. I listen as things crash and she comes out holding the skeleton of a massive snake that almost has me wigged out. Holding it proudly, she tells me to pick a bone.

I get drawn to a middle-lower vertebra. When I pick it up, she caresses it until the bone is about half my palm-sized instead of thrice that. When I pick it up into my hands, I get slammed with an image of a large snake that has a mouth much like a basking shark and it hisses very loudly. It’s grey in color and then settles briefly. The image fades and GrandMama is clapping.

“Oh my, such a deep connection with bones. This absolutely must be cultivated. Give me one moment.”

There is more banging while I place the snake vertebra on the table. There is crashing and banging, some curses, before she comes back out. There is a slim but decent-sized long oval-shaped bone. I hold it in my hands and see an image of a dark creature that rattles its chest like a rattlesnake would warn predators. But the image shifts and it is very docile, eating plants and hiding in the forest.

GrandMama chuckles and rattles the bone by shaking my hands, “It is a creature that warns of danger, but yet it is an illusion. A harmless creature but yet strikes fear with using its body to scare off predators by mimicking one. This would be a good addition to your collection to learn the bones. A warning of illusion that not all is as it seems – yet could be harmless.”

We stand and she shoos us with a parting, “Take care of my familiar’s bone and find me again. Just focus on GrandMama Tsülie.”

High Prince T places a hand on my back and we are taken through portal that leads to a silver realm filled with screams, but that doesn’t last. We’re in another portal and step out when he tells me to close my eyes. I do, placing one over my third eye as well – truly blind. There is movement and things closing around us but I do not look. We step through a final portal and I am once again home. Prince T bends and kisses my hand before telling me he will see me later and disappears.

Queenie leads me up into my house where I set the bones down on one of my tables and write a note about not to touch. Queenie jumps up into a window seat and sunbathes. I step down to find Ry in his greenhouse, taking care of the mangrove tree. He gives me a kiss and tells me that we will work on developing a portal space – since it seems like Im going to start having the doors again. He shooed me away and I come out of the light trance that I was in.

Photo by Ivan Kislov

Warnings of Fox

by with No Comment AnimalsPathwork

Fox is an old friend. A friend that has been with me as long as I started a shamanic path. In fact, he appeared back in 2017 or a bit earlier. One of the things about Fox is that he is not just his typical message. Usually, when Fox is seen or giving messages, it is one that is about trickery or cunning. He is the Trickster. Yet, I find him as a friend.

Fox came to me originally because I was exploring the shamanic path. I had just begun doing Journeywork and receiving messages, connecting with the spirit animals, guides, and teachers. I learned during a really rough patch in my life, that fox was a warning. It was in hindsight that his message and his purpose became clear.

Fox is the Trickster, but he speaks of warnings. When hen Fox shows up for me he is telling me to be careful. There is deceit and illusions. There is someone that means me harm in some form.

This past morning I had one such dream.

It begins with me at my paternal family, driving to a place. We get te get there and it’s like a hotel but my dad, grandfather, uncle, and aunt were there. But not the cousins. Yet, my aunt disappeared pretty quickly. I don’t remember a lot of the dream but I do remember that I w was getting uncomfortable. There were conversations and hurtful things being said Reminiscent of the previous holiday I just had.

I can remember storming out of the building with a blanket and pillow. I was furious and hurt. Things weren’t okay. I got to the top of this small hill overlooking this building – near a road and close to a forest. There was a moment when it got very silent and then these shipping cargo containers dropped from the sky. It was dark out so I could not see where they came from. They almost hit me. But then they began to explode. Three young fox kits darted from these containers and one even slammed into me yowling.

I could feel myself shift into Fox. I ran down the hill to the forest but more containers fell. This time they went off like bombs, the inside exploding out. I was hit with the shrapnel of wooden furniture. Behind me, there was screaming as more containers went off and the entire building was collapsed and people dead. I ran and ran with the fox kits when finally came out. It was now sunrise and I was bleeding heavily. I came across this woman and her small farm of animals picking up the pieces. The piece of wood was stuck in deep on my shoulder.

The dream ended and it took me a while of being unsettled to finally get the message. Fox was warning me that I’m at a place where should I con continue with being so involved in my paternal family – that something will happen that will be devastating and traumatizing – more so than what happened this holiday which was bad in of itself that I needed help. I had already understood that it was coming to a close but Fox makes it that much more apparent that both the past and the future are at a merging. The pain and trauma of the past that they did is coming to a head for what the future would bring. I could avoid or not have an issue if I were to be more cautious and understand that I am at a precarious crossroad.

One that leaves a toxic place. But Fox gave me his warning, which has not happened in more than a year. Last time it was because a roommate was a danger to the household and I needed them gone. It’s something that I must be careful with.

Photo credit: Ivan Kislov
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Renewal: End of a 9 Year Cycle

by with No Comment Pathwork

I’ve spent days thinking about what to write. Making it all nice and something that people want to read. Yet, I want to bring in this new blog with ideas of where I want to take it. What goals do I have for it? What are some things that I will write about?

I come up blank. There’s so much to say and not to say. I’ve got first-post jitters for the first time in quite some time.

I began blogging about my spiritual path back in 2012 – I was twenty and unknowingly began a brand new 9 year cycle. In fact, I started on WordPress and Tumblr. I spent the next five years talking about my path and things that I discovered along the way. I left spirituality after a very traumatic experience. Multiple of them in fact. I shut down and only focused on the physical. I wanted nothing to do with spirituality.

It dragged me back kicking and screaming. In the form of demons.

I know, a shocker.

I spent the last few years just figuring things out. It’s been rough going all over the place and sometimes wandering blind. Or depressed. I tried reviving multiple blogs and tried talking about my experiences. But, lurking in the back was trauma. The whole reason that I left spirituality in the first place was because of how I was treated in the community before.

It’s been the hardest nine years.

Now, at the end of this cycle, I’ve learned that a new one begins. I turn thirty this coming year and so it will be a new nine-year cycle but also a new decade of my life. There has been so much learned that going into this new year, new cycle, and a new journey has brought a sense of renewal. I won’t be reviving old accounts with old information on them. Instead, I’m rebirthing a part of my path that was left behind many years ago. This renewal in this new blog that I am hoping to post my journey over these next many years.

I don’t know what to talk about, but I’m learning that it is okay to not know. It just means that I have an open canvas to paint a beautiful new picture. Wherever that is.

To new beginnings,

New places to travel and see,

New cultures to meet,

and to the love and passion of walking this new cycle.

photo of forest with fog

The Start of a Shamanic Journey

by with No Comment PathworkShamanic Work

Edit Oct 16, 2024: I rarely will import posts from older times, I didn’t want to do that with this blog. I find, though, that the start of the Shamanic Journey I’ve been walking required that I go back to the start of when everything happened. I’m going to post here the entry from the old blog so that there is a “start” to the journey.

September 28, 2016

I was given the best opprotunity to partake in. I was given a free admission ticket to the Natural Living Expo, in which there were over 130 vendors of the Metaphysical variety. There was the option to do 56 different workshops, and one truly caught my attention. Shamanism. Specifically that not only would there be an introduction to it, but they were going to help guide us into a Shamanic Journey.

I am aware that Journey’s (not Vision Quests), are extremely personal to everyone, especially the conversations, but I tend to be more open about things except those of a sexual nature. I will be posting my experience, including the question, answer, and anything else that occured. There is much symbolism within it, and examining it later would and will be beneficial. Plus, I know that there are some it could benefit too, to see another’s Journey.

We learned that this particular brand of Shamanism originated from a tribe within the Andes Mountains, within the Amazon. We started out with a ‘lecture’ about what Shamanism is, but before he spoke, we conducted a Opening Ritual, where we invoked those of the directions, the earth, and the sun. He spoke about what Shamanism is, how it is today, and things about it. I wrote down all that I heard, plus recorded it.

When it was time to partake in the Journey, he was quite thoroguh with giving us not only directions on how to, but where, and what to say or do. The lights were dimmed and we settled into our spaces. The drums began and I closed my eyes, reveling in their beat. Three different sounds, so beautiful together.

I stood before a cave, one that was dark to me, but I called upon my Guide. I don’t interact with him often, but I knew that he was the one that needed to be with me on this. He is a winged dire wolf, near and dear to my heart. I felt the twin were pups (though grown to be no longer pups) join me. The drums were strong and steadfast and almsot made it difficult to Journey. I walked with them into the cave and it was dark, but not so much that I couldn’t see. I stepped with determination. It was awhile walking through the cave when I began to run, knowing that I did not have much time as it was to actually wander like I do when I Travel.

The were pups faded away the closer I got to the end of it. I surmise that they were not meant to come with me on this part of the Journey.

The darkness faded away to this bright forested area, where I could see over top and the distant mountain ahead. I was not sure how long it would take me to get there, so we set a fast pace through this forest. It was quiet for awhile, until we came across this 5 foot large green snake that had black stripes on the back. Later research is showing that it’s a green tree python that has black spots/stripes. I may draw a picture later on.

This python stopped and when we stopped, it slowly slid toward me and climbed up my left leg. It was not awkward to walk, but the snake perched itself around the entirety of my left leg. We continued to walk without a word, until  large golden and grey feather floated down in front of me. I caught it in midair and then stuck it into my hair. We continued.

When we drew closer to the edge of the foest and base of the mountains, my Guide spoke.
“We are here.”

I walked forward and I remembered that the man who was teaching the Shamanism spoke that we will meet them in three different ways, 1) Sight [Clairvoyance], 2) Sound [Clairaudience], 3) Sensing [Clairsentience]. Thankfully, with my work in both spirit work and Astral Travel, I was able to achieve all three. The Teacher was different, the shape never stayed the same, but the base form was humanistic, though there were aspects of feline to them. I did not wish to be rude and look at them extremely carefully.

“Teacher, I have been sent here as part of a Journey, so that I my experience it and to learn an answer to a question that I have. But I first want to return this to you.”

I gave the teacher the green snake, and then waited for them to respond.

“I thank you for returning him to me. What brings you?”

“I come with a question, Teacher. May I ask you?”

“Ask and I shall answer.”

“I know that I have a soulmate with a physical body and I know who he is. I know that we are supposed to meet. My question is this, are we supposed to meet in this lifetime, if so, then when and how soon? I cannot live much longer without being with him.”

The Teacher was silent for awhile, staring at me and assessing. The energy was really strong and very pointed on examining me.

“Instinct. Trust your instinct. Work hard on Believing. He said he would find you, he will o so. Trust and meet him halfway.”

Extra that I picked up from the conversation, was that the Teacher meant that meeting halfway meant that I was to believe in him.

“May I ask one more?”

The Teacher nodded and I asked, “May I have a gift?”

The Teacher smiled and then reached out, allowing for me to lean down near them. They placed the snake on my left arm which wrapped around and the head rested over my shoulder and on the right shoulder.

“I give you the snake and I also give you the feather.”

I could hear the beat of the drum change, letting us know that we need to come back. The Teacher looked to me and smiled.

“You must return.”

“Thank you.”

A brief nod, “Trust. Go.”

They shoved me and I came back and very jarred from the abruptness of being forced to leave. The person lecturing us walked around once everyone was back t make sure that they were actually there and they were grounded. When doing so, he asked about the gifts. People were talking about all these gifts: Clam with a Pearl, a Pendant, A Feather, Clairvoyance and Clairaudience, Piercing the Veil, to name a few. This was when he smiled and said that everyone recieved these gifts, as we all traveled together for this. It was quite fascinating and amazing.

I must go back and speak with the snake to see reason for his appearance, as well as what he has to say or why he was gifted. So many questions. When I came out of it, I could literally feel the wieght of the snke resting in the same place as when I was in the Lower World. I could feel the sentience and the spirit that was there, even the feather within my hair.

Forward to later on, I am walking around the expo and keep getting drawn back to this huge and lovely oval Labradorite. I have not worked with this stone much if at all before. So I walked to the lady and ask her the importance metaphysically. She spoke of it being a way for people to access inter-dimensions, oher worlds, other beings. I decided to look it up on the web and see if I could know more. Low-and-behold, this stone is the stone of Shamans, of those who origianlly found it, the Inuit. I was shocked and amazed, it was a stone that I was looking for, yet never truly knew what it was for.

I purchased it, and it is a gorgeous piece that sits on my altar. I had carried it around for two days, but it had broken when it dropped to the ground. It broke clean, but still I felt devastated. There are plans, and it may come to pass, but I have yet to decide. It would fit perfectly as a ritual necklace.

When I returned home from the Expo, I was pleasantly surprised to find that my Archaeology of Ritual class had me reading about the Andean culture. Somehow, it is not a coincidence, though I dont know what it means.