photo of forest with fog

Stop and Listen, Learn Through Being Guided

I’ve been trying to figure out what to write. Today was rough again with the concentration and focus. I just wanted to lay down, but I go got through with some amazing friends that sat in VC with me to body double. They were editing and doing their own writing while I was able to actually focus in on my task and get it done. I wanted to give up but didn’t. I’m super proud of myself for that.

But I’m tired. I got over to my hammock to sit in and maybe write… but I just am tired. Too mentally worn from trying to fight my own demand avoidance and fatigue. I also ended up cleaning a major thing today and grocery shopped and made dinner for my mother and I. Wow, seeing all that… I did phenomenal and it explains my tiredness.

Yet… I feel like I’m letting down my demons when I want to bond with them, learn from them. In fact, I was doing some things when I was thinking about writing these posts. Specifically about the Demonic Shamanism. It’s on my brain very often. I find myself always wanting to dive deep and explore, but mentally am also dealing with the weather shifts and fatigue.

So I’m doing some tasks when I think about what Ry had originally asked me: What is Shamanism? What makes it? Where does it stem from and why is it important. But then my brain stops and thinks, but where do I start? I have no idea where to begin or where to go, what to learn or the direction of learning.

Ry steps forward, “Why must you know the way forward? When you first learned of Earthen Shamanism, you didn’t have any idea of what it was or what made the foundations. You started from going to a random lecture/drum circle that was at a Light Convention. So what makes this different?”

Of course I”m mid task and think, OH NO! I won’t remember this and I need to write down what he’s saying and also the process of me talking it out with him.

His response was to laugh and tell me that he would have it no other way, because he knew how important it is for me to log down what I experience and hear, what I learn. So now… I can keep the conversation with him.

He sits next to me and watches as I write and think about what he said. And all I can think of is that this feels so important and I don’t want to mess it up. But I also don’t want to wander around within learning without forming some sort of foundation.

He thinks for a moment, “Why do you need to set out the future of learning. What about simply listening? Isn’t that what you learned to do in the first place? Isn’t that the lesson that was the first thing you learned when you got the Sickness – because you weren’t listening? Instead of trying to forge your way, why don’t you just listen to us? Listen to what I have to teach and what you can learn from Grandmama Tsülie. Why don’t we guide you, instead of you guiding through preconceived ideas of where to start?”

He kisses the top of my head and runs his hand through my hair. I guess he’s leaving me with that wisdom and telling me it’s time to rest. I’ve already been sleeping really badly lately.

photo of forest with fog

Bones are the Foundation

I had decided that I wanted to learn more about bones and working with osteomancy. It was a mere thought, yet it led me to be yanked into the Astral to meet with GrandMama Tsülie once more. I was preparing for a shower and eating some food when that undeniable pull was felt. So I ended up bilocating in order to answer that call yet also finish what I had planned.

It got me a good scolding from GrandMama Tsülie, especially on the need to eat before spirit working. So she shoved a cup of tea into my hands and waited while I finished what I was doing. She was happily puttering around and making things. It was hard to not jump into conversation, knowing that I would want to type it all out as it was happening. I don’t like missing things said when I write later.

When I finally settled in, Tsülie sat down across from me at the outside tables. I always end up at her place in the Necrosis Realm, filled with tall trees that are carnivorous but also beautiful. It’s a peaceful place despite the dark undertone that lingers.

“Before working with bones or with the spirits of animals, you must first have an understanding of the how. Why is it that when working with the spirits of animals, it is always the bones, teeth, or claws?”

I stopped for a moment to really think about that. Why was that the usual chosen piece when working with animal spirits? Eventually, I came to the answer.

Bones carry the lifeblood through them. Therefore, they are not only foundational support but also carry the very essence that life gives.

She nodded at me, taking a sip of her tea before setting down the cup. “That is absolutely correct. Why would a spirit choose to be with something that was a part of itself that was not bone?” She brings up the example of my fox pelt. It is the chosen place that houses the spirit of the fox. “Yet, there was the option of the bones. Why would this be?

That one I sat back on, thinking of the pelt, thinking of the spirit of the fox that resides within. Other than it being very preserved, there’s not much reason a spirit would be attached to something that was able to break down or degrade at a much faster rate. Flesh is one of those things that biodegrade at a fast rate. Unless it is preserved through a special technique, like the soft tanning that the fox pelt had gone through.

Teeth are understandable because they are also bone. The question then would become why is there a desire to stick with claws, another such part of the skeleton that is easily used in osteomancy or animal spirit working? What connection would there be for those?

This one was a little easier to think of. The direct connection is that claws are close to the earth, the soil. It is a very grounded piece. Where the bones and teeth carry blood and life, the claws are a connection to the ground with stability but are also used in defense of life or preservation of life.

She was pleased with that. “Correct. Something that would be able to be sustained through life or through nature or the soil, which also bears life and death. That is the reason why bones would be the choice for why spirits of bones are able to be used more efficiently. Now, why would specific bones be chosen over others? If there is a spirit attached to a singular bone, why would they be with that one bone? Why wouldn’t they prefer to remain with the skeleton as a whole?

This one really stumped me for a bit. But I was distracted with a movie as well. But it stewed in my head for a bit.

The answer is that they would change depending upon the person that came across them. Each person will have a different reason for choosing or connecting with a specific bone that resonates with them. So, not only would it be guided by their own intuition, but the spirit would also have a different meaning for the bones that were chosen. It’s an influence of the person who finds and connects with the spirit and then that spirit also giving them the personal meaning behind that specific bone choice.

At this point, my concentration was wavering due to being tired and other things occurring. GrandMama Tsülie nodded and sat back, to stare at the scenery all around us before telling me to scooch.

I’m sure there is much more that she has to teach me and pass on knowledge. But she does make me sit and think about the foundations of things. The why and the how.

photo of forest with fog

Wisdom of GrandMama Tsülie

I find that Im using this more to explore getting back into working with astral and my demons. So there’s not a focus of one, but just getting into the habit.

Today I felt the pull to do something but wasnt sure. It took awhile, but I eventually got the urge to astral to a familiar face: Grandmama Tsülie. She’s a Necrosis Shaman, and ancient one that I was introduced to many years ago by one of my companions. I visit her when I feel the pull. When she calls, you can’t really ignore it.

So I arrived there, in this beautiful but terrifying Necrosis Realm where the very trees are carnivorous. They eat anything that trespasses or is someone that wants to cause harm. Or if they feel like it. I got a bit too close to their energies enough to get a lovely breakdown (haha pun) of how they exactly achieve it. Let’s just say that it’s borderline cruel in a way. It takes days of suffering before their chosen victim dies.

Anyway, I show up to her little cottage and she sits me down in the outside spot with the table and chairs. I explain a lot of what has happened these last few years. Especially with recent things. She patted me on the hand and told me that I can practice coming to her realm, in her words, “You know you can practice here. It’s safe. Especially with the carnivorous trees.” She pats my hand and makes me a pot of tea. I had to laugh at that. It’s wholly truly. She’d have a lot of show me and teach me anyway if I did.

She sat back down with me and I told her that I’d been in this state of grief, yet once he passed, I felt better. Relieved. She usually has some of the best wisdom. “Death is but a cycle and everyone is a part of it in some way. It never truly ends, but transforms.” In this, she also means that those that are Immortal still experience this cycle in some form, even though the way in which they do is vastly different than a human concept of it.

I didn’t spend much more time there. But I find that I do want to go back and explore and talk to her. Hear more of her wisdom.

photo of forest with fog

GrandMama Tsülie’s Lessons on the Magic of Book Binding

This is a place that I have visited before. It is a beautiful place that my High Prince T brought me to. I walked through this incredible forest that was covered with death and bones yet had so much life.

Today, was the second time that I would return here. In fact, this is the first time I have astral traveled to another place in over a year. I had experienced burnout to a severe degree. I did not even have a moment within my own astral space before I was pulled to GrandMama’s place. Although, she found out that I had remembered her as Granny instead of GrandMama, so there was a bit of teasing about that.

It was about 4 in the morning and I had not slept very well. My congestion was really bad, and I was struggling to breathe in my sleep. So I was tired but decided that, hey, this was a great time to astral travel for the Blog-a-Day February. I was immediately pulled in and greeted with a hug and cheek kisses. We sat at her front table and had an excellent talk. I told her about things after the last time I had been there. It was the struggles and the happy times. She was pleased to hear I had fallen in love and found a fantastic partner… for mental health and physical health. At one point, she gave me a cup of tea, specially brewed and crafted. I sipped away and she had amazing advice for me about not returning and feeling guilt for not being spiritual.

It is sometimes that we will diverge from the path we think we have found, taking a longer road, in order to find the right part of the path to travel on.

It gave me a bit of a stopping moment to really consider that. Sometimes, we need that long path, that long rest… because then, coming back into things, I feel clearer and able to work better than before. It will take some time to get back into things as there are problems with focus and with interruptions of thoughts.

We talked for a bit longer before I started to feel extremely drowsy. She shooed me off and told me to come back later and visit, she had a lesson to teach me.

I went about the morning and afternoon before I took the time to return to meditation. It was around 3pm my time, plenty of time before having to do some work. I settled down with headphones and turned on some amazing meditation music composed by Saber. It takes me a bit to get into things. My focus is better but it is also struggling a lot with seeing and staying in the astral without thought interruptions.

I finally appeared in the sacred grove and was met by High Prince T, who guided me back to GrandMama. This time was more vivid than this morning. She asked me how I slept and made a special tea for us. I got to sit there while they talked and drifted a bit before snapping back. She added more stuff to my tea to wake me up. After a while, she held out her hands, and I stood up, following her. It was a workbench that had some supplies on it. I looked harder and realized that she had a bookbinding setup for me. I looked at her confused as to why she had brought me to this.

She explained that I would work on grimoires and binding journals for people. High Prince T had told her as such. With that, I would be working with different materials, especially leather. She had a lesson to teach me about the process of binding. This would be about how the demons work with bookbinding rather than the history of binding from a human perspective.

Creation of Books & Sacredness of Materials

When working with book binding and with animal materials, there is something crucial to remember. Even if modern materials are being used, there is a sacred process that originates from when the practice first began. Each of the materials used in book binding came from nature. Tools were made from the bones of animals, sharpened into needles and points. Later, this became metals mined from the ground and purified to shapes. Thread was made from the sinew of animals that had been hunted, so that the paper could be sewn. Paper was made from either the vellum of animals or it was taken as pulp from various plants and trees, the latter being the most common. Sap was used to bind the animal hide to the hard covers used to bring the entire book together. Every aspect of the book was sacred in nature. It was the life and breath of knowledge that was written within. Each aspect of binding held a magic and sacredness to it. Every movement had purpose to it.

The paper began as the materials of plants broken down into the pulp that would become the paper. Screens were used within the water to gather that pulp. Flowers and plants were used depending upon the purpose of the book being written in. Protection magics and knowledge had flowers and plants that magically were aligned with this knowledge. They were screened and brought out onto fabrics to dry. Once they were dry, the papers were folded to the desired size. This is where they would be brought together to be bound (called signatures). Paper holds ink and that ink is the written form of knowledge. Plants have a sacredness to them that is magical in nature. They can aid in different areas of magic as well as physical. Using them as the base form of containing this knowledge powers them with the intent. When plants are chosen, they are spoken with when they are living. Sitting down and speaking with them, sharing energy and intent on purpose for them. Usually done with a ritual, if they choose to accept, the plant will then be cut for either soaking or dried.

The tools are created from the bones found naturally. It depends upon the one who is doing the creating as the choice of creature or even if they choose to go the route of metal. Both have their own methods of procuring the materials. With bones, they usually are crafted carefully with the intent of sewing or punching the holes in the paper for sewing (an awl). Many choose to go to specialists, especially the Necrosis Bone Masters/Mistresses, who know the sacred handling of bones. Those that decided to use the metals, they go to the Blue Hellborns, who are known for their metalwork. This is not the only route or option, but it is common for those who do not make their own tools.

Both the Leather and the Thread come from animals, those chosen for the purpose. Animals are sacred in their own right, even those that do not hold a level of intelligence, they are still treated as such. All parts of animals are required to be used for any purpose that they can be. This is why they are chosen very carefully and with the knowledge of being used for such intent. In some cultures, being chosen to be this purpose is considered a sacred honor. They are treated the same as the Wagyu cows from Japan. There is utmost care and love given to the animals or creatures that have given their consent for this. Once they have been through a sacred ritual, they are carefully put down with love. Most of them are aged to the oldest they can be and peacefully pass or the creature can choose to go earlier. Each part is made sacred through ritual before they are carried to their designated purpose. For leather or hide, it is given to the one who asked for it first. Some of the sinew is then made into thread to sew with as well. Every part is used so that they have purpose completely and no waste occurs.

This was where GrandMama Tsülie began to work with me. After teaching me all about the beginning process with the materials and the origins, that I would then learn about the binding process. This was from a magical point of view and not the normal binding that I am familiar with.

The Binding Process

The starting process to binding is cutting and gathering the paper that will be used for the book or grimoire. Once it is dried and folded, it can be cut to size or kept the same. Each folded piece is placed together into one another with upwards of 5-6 pieces together. It’s called a signature. These stacked atop each other creates the large block of paper that is then bound together. As we fold the paper and work with it, we speak to the spirit of the plants. We speak of the knowledge and purpose that it has. Thanking them for their sacrifice and their hard work. Pouring the intent into each page as they are worked with. These are the pages that will hold sacred magics and knowledge, meant to last through the centuries and millennia.

Once all of the papers are stacked together as signatures, they are punched with holes in the center parts so that they can be sewn together with ease. Starting with the first signature, one weaves the sinew thread through the paper. The thread is an important part because it ties everything together. It brings a cohesiveness and stability to the paper and therefore the knowledge. The thread is sewn into the paper and giving it a stability in the magics so that it holds it all together. Magic can be fickle, same with knowledge. The thread binds this together and grounds it. There are no loose ends when the papers are bound together. The thread in itself can be a knot magic that is used to imbibe the book as a whole with intentional magics. There are many ways that it can be used to empower the rest of the book. Once sewn together, the thread becomes a part of the spine, which gives it the foundational support. It can be the strength needed to contain any magics used within, cast on it, or written within.

As the binding of the paper has completed, the leather is next with covering the hard covers. Many materials can be used, from thin wood to bark to metal sheets. Materials can vary between those who choose to bind. The leather is glued or sewn to these covers. This can be achieved with sap or other materials that create a sealant – like plants or minerals. The leather is important because it is the outside. It is the shield that protects the knowledge within. It has many purposes, whether it is a plain binding or if it is decorated. The Leather becomes a shields, wards and magic woven into the very fabric through rituals and chants. It can be handled and carved in, creating many methods of protection upon the book.

The entire process of creating a grimoire or a book of knowledge is intense and very complex. Every one that does it will do it in different manners and materials. The one things that stays the same is the sacredness of making the book itself and the sacredness of the materials that are gathered. It is a very intensive process, but it is one that creates the beautifully magical and powerful books that people cherish and adore.

Return Back

I was really pleased to have this experience and to learn such a deep aspect of one of my most beloved forms of art at the moment. It was something that I was not expecting but it made my process that I do with the grimoires even better now. I am very happy that coming back into working with the demons and with the astral in general… that this was my experience. I felt better when I came out of it and just felt such deep peace. I was emotional and upset beforehand, also feeling sick and struggling mentally lately. It’s given me a lot of peace and comfort. I feel like I was able to heal myself as well even just doing so.

View of mountain oasis Chebika, Sahara desert, Tunisia, Africa

Exploring the Oasis

It’s been quite busy in my Oasis. There have been some massive changes taking place. My Necrosis Demons were gifted some bones from a dear friend of mine. One was so large that it would need an entire building to hold it. A massive one. So they gathered my other demons and began to work on building a place for bone just next to the library temple. I had not gone back there in a while, so it changed when I appeared.

When I first appeared, it was Ria who greeted me. It was lovely cause I’ve been wearing her vessel for the past day. She had a beautiful bone spike band on her head and her hair was threaded through some of it. I ended up closely looking at it and tapped into the memories of the bones being carved and placed together. She pulled me out of it gently, “Yes, your ability is most definitely awakening. We need to get you to GrandMama Tsülie soon.”

I smiled as she guided me down the walkway over the water to the sand beach. We walked to the Bone Building at first but as soon as I walked inside, my body absolutely fell fast asleep for more than an hour and a half. When I came back from sleep I decided to try again. This time, it was Belle who met me. She smiled and guided me down again. This time, we decided that I needed to get to GrandMama. We went straight to where the tree she gave me was. To Ry’s Greenhouse.

When we stepped in, Ria joined us. I called out for Ry but it was phenomenal stepping into his Greenhouse. It was like I walked straight into a jungle that had incredible energy. I could physically smell the soil and the plants. Then, a massive snake came through and greeted us, calling me Bone Reader and then rubbing its face on mine. He was talking about how his master chose such a lovely “Mistress”. He was massive and led us through the jungle-like place.

When Ry turned around when the snake announced our presence, I about fainted. He was so handsome and incredibly built. I could see so clearly his features. Normally it’s one thing or another or it’s a vague seeing. Now, it was crystal clear. He came over to me and lifted me up, a smile on his face. He smelled of fresh dirt and light musk. My hands traced up his bare chest and onto his shoulders. It was incredible seeing and feeling so clearly.

He kissed me while Belle and Ria stood behind waiting. There was a bit of shuffling after and Belle and Ry decided better as friends than anything else. Found out that Ria has a bit of a thing for Arvan and chuckled about it. Ry carried me through the jungle to where he kept the trees after we explained why we were there. The tree was still small and would take a few years to grow to the size needed to create a doorway. We walked back to his workbench and table, where he gathered some things for GrandMama Tsülie. We left for the Bone Building.

Walking around in the sun was lovely and gave me a bit of energy. The Bone Building was beautiful. It was made of large pieces of bone carved into pillars and accent pieces, with the rest of the building made with Necrosis Mud mixed with other stone and material, making a beautiful green-black marble. Walking into the building, it was a round room covered with glass cases of bones and altars. Ry carried me in his arms and I still got extremely sleepy. It took a few times before I was able to see clearly enough that Belle talked to Taz, who was in the middle of carving and awakening the large whale-mosasaur-creature’s rib that was a gift from a dear friend (same as mentioned in beginning). He waved us off and went back to it.

It took a hot minute to get back to it but then we went into my library, where Arvan met us. He was happy to see me and picked me right up out of Ry’s arms. He took us to the ante-room that was to one side of the temple. Here, they had used my method of building portals I developed years ago. Except these were perfect. They were carved so beautifully and I could press my hand on the doorway and knew right where each one took me. After the fourth one, which led to the races I currently work with, the fifth was to GrandMama Tsülie. I didn’t look to see if there were other doors.

I got through the door and then popped right out of it. The others told me they would wait for me to get there. I kept trying and was partially there with them, but it was too hard to focus and I was getting tired and sleepy. I would drift off and then pop back. She chuckled and told me that she just wanted to see if I would answer her call. I could go back later.