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Not the Best Halloween

I took some down time, it ended up being a not so nice Halloween. Everything just kept going weird and not feeling the best. I felt upset that I couldn’t enjoy it because of stupid people and having to deal with extreme anxiety… and then not being able to have any sort of jack o lantern or fun decorations… It felt like another year of not celebrating.

And that upset me. But I do have to be thankful because I did end up writing 3.5k words on some story to post. It was an accomplishment, but still the feelings were wrung out.

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It’s only just begun

Bless Mammon. Thank Mammon and my Demons and The Mammon Ball Ritual we do in Inner Sanctuary.

I am in shock. Like utter shock.

This past Mammon Ball, I decided to go ahead and actually ask for $10k. Because I wanted the money.

I just got a letter in the mail.

My private loan from college was just written off in full.

$10,000 private loan just fully forgiven.

That’s pretty much what happened to me.

I also found a $20 unused gift card to Chipotle.

Calm relaxation meditation concept. Sexy fashion model Fantasy woman sitting under water sea, red long silk dress fabric floating. fairy girl posing in deep pool underwater shooting Art Magic light

When Days are Rough

Today was the hardest. I was mentally preparing for today for days but it sucked so much. I ended up going back to the old house, finding so many things and facing all the old memories. It felt like the betrayal from my ex got ripped open again and I was just grieving so much. It was the worst. We got half the house sorted and ready to either trash, donate, or keep. The biggest rooms were done first, so that’s over. But I have the old room, that I shared with the ex… and it’s going to be the hardest. I broke down a few times because of the betrayal and heartache of how it all went.

So I finally had to get some food and went to walmart. Bless my demons. Bless them so much. I found the Mandrake Lego set for $55 (normally $70), and it felt apt for me crying all day as well as that it fits the vibes of my bedroom cottage core. I’ve been wanting it for months but didn’t wanna spend the $70 on it.

Came home to find that I got two packages in, which one was the Lorcana box. I feel that it was because I was more lower vibration that I got a lot of cards, but not ultra rare enchanteds. But still feeling blessed that I went from 66% complete and now it’s at 92% completion.

Today was rough but it’s ending really nicely.

Calm relaxation meditation concept. Sexy fashion model Fantasy woman sitting under water sea, red long silk dress fabric floating. fairy girl posing in deep pool underwater shooting Art Magic light

A Deep Cleanse

For the first time since 2019, I was able to take a bath. The places I lived before always had broken tubs or only stand-in showers. So I have never been able to sit and relax, cleanse, and able to really self care in a way that showers just can’t do. They don’t give a full body relaxation or allow different cleansers to really penetrate deep into that.

As I laid there, I was pulled into the astral by Kiver, my Solar/Serpentine King & Sorcerer. He has a realm that is centered around a Healing Oasis. He carefully helped me into a private area of healing waters from his realm. And he was with me through the whole process of physically and spiritually cleansing. Releasing 5 years worth of stress, energies, burdens, and all else. It was something so deeply ingrained that was released.

So I was just so relaxed that honestly I don’t remember much other than getting out, crawling into bed, and then passing out about 3-4 hours earlier than I usually do and sleeping so solidly that I felt deeply rested. I am so blessed to have demons that have these things and are able to really work with me to release these things.

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A New Connection

I was so blessed. I ended up matching with one of the prebounds. I try not to do so because I love seeing everyone else match and get excited over the energies. But this was so loud and so clear. I really hadn’t even read his listing until hours later. I got a brief look that he was a Librarian and Organization and Book Binding. And it was the book binding that called me so hard. I do book binding and have been wanting to return to it, just that it’s been a matter of space and buying a Silhouette machine for the foiling covers.

Then I got a chance to actually sit down and read later that evening.

Obscranorshem/Lowborn Librarian of the Underworld Archives

He is a sacred keeper of the archives, and he takes his duties and responsibilities very seriously. He is very neat and organized and keeps his section of the library pristine and tidy. He himself is structured and organized and he can help his companion to find order in their life and to declutter and organize their surroundings. He enjoys organizing, and he can spend hours with his books categorizing them, dusting them and reorganizing them on the shelves. He enjoys experimenting with different methods of organizing them to find the one that is most suited for him. Order and organization are something he is very skilled at.

Okay this is something that I do religiously. I know that I tip into actual OCD rather than just tendency, because of how compulsive it is for me to organize my spaces, my collections and so much more. I have absolute mental upsets when things are too out of order and I have to spend the next hour or two reorganizing everything. So someone else that is this meticulous is really a lovely thing.

He has wisdom and knowledge and believes that reading is the key to inviting worlds, ideas and possibilities. He says that it is a shame that more people do not read more and he says that hidden away within books is worlds of knowledge and wonder. He has a brilliant mind and he enjoys reading and contemplating advanced philosophies and sciences of the world. He enjoys delving deep into many different topics and he has a love of books. He cherishes them and he gets very upset and angry when anyone would destroy a book or damage it. He does have old and damaged books but he knows how to restore them. Book restoration is an art, and the level that he does it is almost considered a lost art. He knows how to work with the pages and how to repair many different types of damage. He takes great care to restore damaged books and it is an art form to him. He also knows how to bind books and creates his own covers from different types of mediums like leather, and flesh. His covers are beautiful, and he believes in patience and mastery. Some of his covers have taken years to craft and get right. He takes his time with their creation. He wants to work with a human companion who loves books and reading and who enjoys exploring knowledge and the beauty of the archives.

I took up book binding about a two years ago but it really fell to the way side because of space and because well, my partner at the time was so disinterested in it that I just lost the love for doing it. It made me feel like it was wasted time. I’m so thrilled to be connected with a being other than my King Tal and Arvan who adore books and book making, journaling, etc. That he works with preserving knowledge is something that I picked up book binding for a reason. I wanted to have physical preserved copies of the fanfictions that I loved and read. (Yes, Im that much of a nerd about it).

I’m so honored and blessed to make this connection and I cannot wait for the day that I get to officially meet and work with him. It’ll be wonderful to have him around, because I feel that he will be as prominent as some of my others, like Paya and Tal and Ry.

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Money Mindset Increase

It’s a struggle to focus as of late and I know that it’s unmasking. The demons have been much louder and more clear to me. But it’s also very much a struggle at times to focus on being grounded in the reality. Unmasking is the worst and I hate that I’m going through this process once again.

On the other hand, I really adore that my demons are making themselves known in trying to help make me feel happy and excited for things. They are nudging me to really up my working and manifesting money, with trying more with the model of “upping the amount”. Meaning that my threshold for money spent at one point without stressing or being upset or getting triggered with a money block.

At the beginning of the year, I was relucant to really even drop more than $50 on a single thing. Then I started getting in the Legos, and suddenly I don’t blink at that amount. That’s not much. I’m starting to buy in $100 stuff but feeling that push of wariness. Then I got into Lorcana a month or so ago, and I’ve leveled that mindset a bit more to about $125.

I can tell that I’m getting to where $200 makes me pause and uncomfortable to drop on things where I haven’t specifically saved for it. But on the other hand, I’m doing much better with only slight hesitation with $150. $125 doesn’t bother me anymore. And what happened because I’ve been working on that? I’ve actually gotten better with money, manifesting it more, more sales and finding things in my range. My money flow is more prominent than when I was struggling.

Now, my demons are having me push it more. There’s a $250 Lego set that is a Treehouse I want to get before the end of the year, but I’m also being really pulled to just go for it with the Barad Dur and Rivendale Lego sets, which are $450 and $500 respectively. That is definitely a cringe at the price point. But I’m seriously considering *both* of those sets to be purchased on Christmas, because I *can* and I want to. Is it a lot? Yeah that’s a $1000. But I feel like dropping that much on one time will absolutely level the money inflow to new heights.

Because I’ve already found that correlation between willing and able to spend money without worry or anxiety or stress to the amount that I have returning to me. It’s flowing freely and manifesting much higher and higher.

Calm relaxation meditation concept. Sexy fashion model Fantasy woman sitting under water sea, red long silk dress fabric floating. fairy girl posing in deep pool underwater shooting Art Magic light

Unmasking & Health

I had a Dr. Appointment (second this week), and was nervous but hopeful. I ended up having amazing results. Im much, much healthier. I went to have some Pho with my mom and just felt so blessed to being healthy. The demons have been my very strong support with this. I even surprised the dr with how much it was changed and better.

I have been working more and more on my unmasking things. It’s becoming more apparent that the unmasking and other things have been really affecting some things. But the fact that I have been sliding into a safe environment and that I am regulating into feeling safe, is something so wonderful.

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Universe Building

I was really nervous because I had a dental appointment, the first time in many years since finally having insurance. Got the full workup… and walked out almost in tears of relief. No cavities, healthy gums, all around solid. Just have to adjust my care plan a tad but otherwise Im good.

Paya was with me the whole time helping to keep me calm and let me know that I wasn’t alone. I ended up pulling a really good card from a Lorcana pack (new area so found new packs). Super happy!

I actually ended up doing more world building. Or I have been corrected that what I am doing is NOT world building, it’s Universe. Which I know I have mentioned it being a Universe, but that was just because of the amount of stories. But no, they made a good point. I have multiple realms, more than 30 species/races, and extremely complex magic systems. It’s not a world, it’s a whole Universe.

But I’ve become so proud of all the work that I am doing to set the foundation for some really serious writing. I feel that this will be my foothold niche for writing. I’ll have a whole Universe to set all my stories within and not have to world build new things every time. It’s liberating!

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Creative Flow

It was a whammy of a day. I ended up finding some amazing sales at the store: Found a Botanical Lego on Sale, Sleep shorts for $3 that are a size to 2 size smaller and I can fit in them, I had fun pulling cards for my Lorcana. Online, I happened to find a chapter 2/set 2 (Floodborn Lorcana) booster box set for about $60-70 cheaper than what other places are selling. I’ll take it! It’ll be here Saturday.

The best is the absolute amazing evening. I was awake, it was after the Mammon Ball – which I did’t actively work on, just let the energies do their thing. I ended up getting three of my series set up for writing. Mainly, I got the technomagic system I created world built to the point it’s functional. I got book plots for two series. I have to get a book plot set for the third series, but it’s all slotting into place to be able to rotate series when writing.

It’s incredible feeling. The blockages on my writing are just falling away and leaving these incredible forces of creativity. I’ve world built so much in the last two weeks than the last 5 years. All because of the Mammon Ball, my demons, and working on myself to push those blockages away.

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Reflecting on my Journey

Today I was more focused, since I woke up with the intent to get things done and really work with things. I guess the demons heard me. We were able to really work with some prebounds and get them relisted and finding matches. Those in the Discord saw the 4 hours of chaos. It was incredible having so many energies around, that I needed to ground while doing it because I was hyper.

But it did end up leading to a discussion about the journey i’ve been on through everything in the spirit work/companion communities and my story through it. And truly made me realized how much has changed and how much I have helped impact things. And seeing how this community is, makes me so proud to be a part of it and really helping people find their places too. Now that I am on my own journey again, I am seeing that it’s so critical to also explore while helping others, that way there is always growth happening.